Sleeping on Grandpa

Beaslejl

So the not napping at daycare post made this pop into my head.  While we were snowed in and off work (teacher) I realized that LO is becoming very upset when left alone.  Like I can't walk into the kitchen or back to the bedroom while she's safely playing on her play mat in the living room.  I had a thought while on break that LO is rolling a lot and could very well sit up on her own whenever she feels like it so we dropped her crib.  The grandparents have a pack n play that we brought over to them for when they watch her while I'm at work.  This is supposed to be where she naps.  She napped for me in it several times while at their house visiting.  I asked them to also make sure to drop the pack n play and they told me that she doesn't sleep in it because she won't.  I asked them where does she sleep?  They said on grandpa in the rocking chair.  This would be cute to me if she was only visiting, but they are her care provider while I'm working.  I feel like they are causing her to have separation anxiety.  She cries now every time she goes down unless she is absolutely worn out.  She never fussed when put down for bed. AND why wasn't this something I was told prior to this conversation?  Do I have a conversation about letting her sleep somewhere other than his chest?  Am I being controlling and I should just let it go?  They won't let her fuss for anything, and I'm telling you this child is learning to fuss to get everything she wants.  She's a baby she fights sleep I feel like that is normal and I don't know if it's wrong of me to ask them to allow a little bit of CIO because we think they are causing more issues than not.  If I say something to them about all of this how do I do it without making enemies?  My MIL is SOOO sensitive. I feel like I can't just say whatever to her. I'm always evaluating if what I'm saying is going to hurt her feelings. BUT this is MY child they are influencing so that part of me is starting to fade the more and more things happen at their place.  This is me seeking advice, and very much turned into a little rant.  I'm sorry. I hope it's easy to follow and I hope I make sense.  Thanks in advance for any help.

Beaslejl

Maybe not, I realize she's going through all new developmental things. Maybe it's my deeply rooted issues with not being able to talk to them that is the real problem?

NicoleReed0324

I don't have any advice on this specific issue but my MIL watches MJ for us too. She is also very sensitive and we have never really had awesome communication. With MJ I always tried to be straight forward about what I wanted and honest. We had some growing pains in the beginning when she thought that my husband and I were being over protective and controlling but things have gotten a lot better. The more conversations you have, the less uncomfortable things will become. It is different if your LO is just spending some time there sporadically but when they are the primary caretaker it is a different set of rules. They need to comply with whatever you set in place.

HelgaFunk

Just out of curiosity, are those of you using family member to watch LOs paying them to do this? For me, if I was paying them then I'd be very strict on what I wanted/didn't want but it would be harder for me if they were volunteering to help out. Not that they shouldn't still respect your wishes and I know I'd probably feel the same as you all but it would be more of a challenge.

Beaslejl

@HelgaFunk  I don't pay.  They are doing it because they live so close to my work.  Which is actually an hour away from our house.  I had to go back to work when LO was 4 months old.  We didn't want her to go to day care if we could avoid it while she couldn't speak to us.  I have a nanny close to our house that watches her one day a week and we pay her.  We are going to try to slowly transition her (the nanny) to watch her more days than not, but again we want LO to be in a place where she can be more active in showing us how her day went or how she was treated.  When it's not a loved one it's harder I guess. Due to my extended maternity leave my pay is so minuscule and my husband started new in a real estate career in 2013. Things have been tight.  So the IL's are so sweet for being willing to do this for us, but it is spoiling behavior, not routine that they are following and it's making my routines at home a little more difficult.  

For example, LO cries every night when I put her in her crib to sleep.  I have had a super sleeper, no problems going down and has slept a minimum of 8 hours a night (12 now) since she was 3 months old.  There were no wakeful periods that we went through...nothing.  Well she's becoming very cognizant and she's rocked to sleep and held at grandma's and grandpa's. Not our bedtime routine. There of course have been nights I had to rock her, but she woke up as soon as we put her down.  Not normal for her.  In the beginning we had issues with my MIL giving LO baths during the day.  Basically over bathing LO because that was part of our night time/bed time routine. She enjoyed giving a bath, but getting some milk on LO's chin is not a good enough excuse to do a full out bath. Everything they are doing is well intended and that makes having conversations even harder.  The problem I'm really starting to have is I'm not being communicated with at all. They are treating her time there like any other grandchild's visit.  I dig for information, but how she slept was never mentioned to me and that bothers me. They give me the basics. Poop patterns, eating solids issues, and health things I ask them to keep an eye on...but where she is sleeping was neglected, I know they know I would not like it. She gave LO water and called my husband and asked for permission after she already did it.  Why didn't she call me?  Husband told her I'm strict on things and if she ever wants to do something new for the first time that she needs to call me, but she also followed up by telling him not to tell me.  LO had a bout of very loose stools for a couple days and my husband panicked that it was due to the water lol, and caved and told me. I'm not okay with that.  I can't tell MIL this I have to tell FIL because she's so sensitive. Is he telling MIL?  Probably not. But I did let him know I'm not comfortable with feeling like I'm being left out of anything. Even something as insignificant as giving her less than an ounce of water without my permission. Which she shouldn't have done. I do need to buck up and just have the conversation. Maybe go for a visit on the weekend and show them how she will sleep in the pack n play after 5 minutes of a little fussing. I just can't believe that they are okay with sitting every day for over an hour with her on them sleeping. That is a glorious part of my day where I'm able to get so much done around the house or take an hour of me time.

LO rant over I can't believe I went on and on this long. Moral of this story I'm obviously don't like it and need to talk about it. @wren1212 thank you. I agree with you for sure. 

(Sorry it took me so long to reply, snow day yesterday again. That's 10 total and it's not even February, yuck)!!