Evaluation Process: Emotions — The Bump
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Evaluation Process: Emotions

What emotions would be expected during this time?

I find myself quite anxious, and questioning my decision to start this process (did I make the right decision to start this wonderland hole, should I have
waited, etc.

I'm having dreams about tornados, and my kids, I'm also not sleeping well.
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Re: Evaluation Process: Emotions

  • What are your concerns about your child?  What type of evaluation?

    We initiated the EI evaluation process based on my daughters' recommendation by their day care. Going through it was...thinking to be sure...yes, it's the most stressful experience I've had as a mother.  
    Mom to Abigail & Liliana -- Identical Twin Girls -- April 2008
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  • Of course you feel anxious.  On one hand, you know there is a problem and you want it identified.  On the other hand, NO ONE wants to hear that something is "wrong" with their child.  Even if you are prepared to hear it, wouldn't it be nice if we were wrong and nothing is wrong after all?!  Evaluations suck.  They point out our kids' differences and struggles.  But, we need that information to better help them.

    Princess_LilyJunebug060609[Deleted User][Deleted User]
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  • edited January 2014
    I think there is no set emotion to feel. There are many emotions to go through and there is the one emotion you don't know what to feel.

    DS was evaluated 4 times since he was a baby and all 4 times were difficult to hear even though we knew the outcome after the second time.

    Somehow hope in the latest eval was all I had because DS had some improvement due to therapy and I wanted autism to be gone.


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  • Full gamut here, from anger at my spouse (who accused me of Googling this into being) to depression to relief at getting answers. I didn't sleep for months. 
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  • I was having a ton of tornado dreams too in the spring. I was always this.close in the dream to being killed by flying debris, or some other form of disaster. It got to the point where thinking about going to sleep was torture. I upped my meds (Wellbutrin) and added a tiny bit of new flavor (prozac). Dreams are history.

    Remember that you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others.
    WAY 2 Cool 4 School


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  • I am anxious before every single evaluation and my son got his diagnosis almost a year ago. Right now we are going through school district and ABA evaluations and the information is always hard to hear. I am definitely still going through the stages of grief regarding my sons diagnosis and I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety which certainly doesn't help things. But the combination of medication, therapy for myself and taking time to exercise by myself has really helped. Like Assembly said it's really important to take care of yourself during this process! (I definitely learned this the hard way!)


    DS1: 4/15/2011
    Dx: ASD, SPD and receptive and expressive speech delay at 21 months
    BFP #2: CP 5/2012
    DS2: 4/24/2013
    BFP #4: Miscarriage at 5 weeks 7/2014
    BFP #5: 8/8/2014 Due 4/20/2015 
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  • We just got a dx 10 days ago.

    ASD has been on our radar since June though. In that time I have had such a rollercoaster of emotions. All of the grief stages, negotiating with God (please don't let this be real, I'll do anything!), and so much more.

    @justinlove nailed it.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • I remember feeling the night before we got the news it would be a lose/lose thing. id be sad if we got a dx for obvious reasons but id be sad to not get a dx because we wouldn't get all the help she needed without it and not knowing what was going on was more torture than knowing. i remember feeling an odd sense of relief and peace when she said it and saying to her this is so weird i should be crying. i suppose it was different because i spent a year and a half prior fighting numerous specialists i self referred to all who probably thought i was rather insane when i said "hey i think my child who is currently trying to engage you for a tea party has autism". Ha. i think right now its easy to be positive because my child is really doing well but when progress slows or comes to a halt then it will really hit me.
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  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily
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    edited January 2014
    Right, KC. DS who is so engaged with friends and strangers, someone who simply has difficulty with disappointment and being told what to do, may have more to him, he may have ASD. I find myself asking if I did something to cause this...or did I will this into being - its stupid thinking I know. DH is quiet, worried and supportive. If he is struggling he hasn't told me.

    DH isn't speaking much, when he does, he is saying things which allude to his same difficulties in life. While ASD wasn't implied as a child for him (he was just seen as difficult & problematic with no support or explanation from parents), I dont think he wants DS to struggle as he did.

    I feel stretched and exhausted. I'm nursing, DD has reflux, DS has this evaluation AND he has a clogged ear with wax as per the pedi I'm trying to remove it - and so far (day 2.1 of debrox & irrigation) nothing has dislogged. Each ear treatment takes 45min. I know DS will fight an ENT with the vacuum, so hopefully the Debrox will work soon. We have an ENT appt on Monday, so hopefully he will be able to help clear out the wax more if need be.

    I havent got my hair or nails done since DD's pregnancy...I pride myself looking nice, and I know I look like poop, but there is thankfully no sign of PPD.
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  • edited January 2014
    As the person who brought the bad genes to the party i can understand how your dh feels. it stinks to know your child will struggle but i take comfort that she will have people around her who understand why and will help her reach her full potential. We also have the gift of time--there's 18 years before my child is expected to function solo in the adult world. While were unlikely to see a cure we will likely see therapies and medications that can further help kids meet potential. obviously even with all the right supports there's no guarantees that she will move out and function independently but there's still plenty of accomplishments to be had and plenty of joy she will bring to our lives.
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  • @kc_13 I felt relief on D-day as well. We had known it was a possibility for six months. Having that period of "is he or isn't he" come to an end was a relief. Knowing I could get him more help was also a relief. I went in there not knowing how I'd react. Had tissues with me and everything. My initial reaction was relief in just knowing. I smiled, laughed and had a nice conversation with the doc. I have had moments since at home where I fall apart, but in general there is a feeling of relief to just know and hope.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • You have gotten a lot of great responses already. Just wanted to offer creepy internet hugs as I have been on an emotional roller coaster myself over the past year and just want to say you're not alone, this has been a great place for support

    Princess_Lily
  • Expect to be all over the place.  Ok one day, NOT ok the next.  Accept that your feelings are normal and valid and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Try not to dwell on the sadness, anger and helplessness and just think that as awful as a dx will make you feel (let's not pull punches, it will hurt), it will ultimately help you get your child the help they need.  

    Hug them, kiss them, and remind yourself who this roller coaster is ultimately for.

    {{hugs}}
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  • I just posted my intro and I'm in the process right now as well. It's been a whirlwhind. I went in thinking it's best to know and I just went along with everything. Now, I'm nervous because of all the issues DS has and thinking Ds may have Aspergers and I'm freaking out with almost a month to wait until the IEP meeting.
    I've been rotating between depressed, extremely anxious, withdrawn, and plain scared.

    On top of that, we're dealing with infertility and we were going to see a RE to move forward with conceiving #2 but then all this started.... crazy times.
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  • d.fd.f
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    My emotions ran the gamut before Dx. The period of time on the wait list, when I knew something was up but had no clear picture of that something was the hardest for me. I remember sobbing in the shower. The Dx was more of a relief and it gave me direction. When I started reading the books it all started making sense. Not that anxiety doesn't ever creep back in but with the Dx I feel like I have more in my tool box when coming up with a game plan.

    DS 09/2008

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