Could this really be happening this fast — The Bump
Adoption

Could this really be happening this fast

Hi all...we just decided to try adoption at the beginning of the year. We told our family and friends and then announced it on Facebook that we were looking into starting the adoption process. We got the home study paperwork about 2 weeks ago. 

Well last night, my cousin messaged me on Facebook and said that her daughters friend was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. She asked if we wanted to share our info with her. I said yes. Within an hour she was messaging me again. The girl called my cousin and wants to meet us. She looked at my FB page and loves my family pics. She said that she was excited because at least she knew some of our family so it would not be like giving it up to a complete stranger. I was messaging my cousin and she was texting the girl at the same time. The girl said she wanted me to be very involved in the pregnancy. She is 4 months and will find out the sex on Tuesday. She was even willing to push it back so that we could come but we told her that was not necessary. She wants to meet us in a week. She told us the baby is due in June and asked if that was too soon for us. I of course said no way.

So I guess we need to get the home study done quickly!! I am so nervous and excited at the same time. How do I keep my emotions in check during this process. I don't want to be upset if she changes her mind. Please send me all the positive vibes and prayers you can.
zazu13

Re: Could this really be happening this fast

  • Sending good thoughts your way
  • emcaemca
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    edited January 2014
    Sending lots of good thoughts! Good luck!

    After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption!  We are so excited to see what the future holds.

  • Good luck.  As far as keeping emotions in check--- you may not be able to. We were fortunate to have an early match and a placement- but we knew it could fail at any time- up to 30 days after placement- and it was just a roller coaster- the whole time. Always a roller coaster--- so just be prepared for that!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • maryoosa said:
    Good luck.  As far as keeping emotions in check--- you may not be able to. We were fortunate to have an early match and a placement- but we knew it could fail at any time- up to 30 days after placement- and it was just a roller coaster- the whole time. Always a roller coaster--- so just be prepared for that!
    Did you have an open adoption? Are you still in contact with the birth mother?
  • @caddymom1978 we have a very open adoption. We saw our son's birth mom 2 weeks ago- and see her at least once a month. We text pretty regularly- usually every other day for a short exchange. I'm also in contact with her mom and sister by text, and catch visits with them on occasion.  We are 6 months into this, tomorrow :)
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    caddymom1978Cmartin6706
  • I told her that we would make it as open as she wants it and that we would allow her parents to see the baby at any time. They live about an hour away from us. I was told by a friend who adopted that her birth mother said that if she had not gotten so close to her, she probably would have changed her mind. She said the key was to try to get a very strong bond with the birth mother. Would you say that is good advice?
  • @caddymom1978 I don't know if that's key--- our relationship developed very organically- and started out by having many things in common in terms of family, other relationships and aspirations/interests. I don't think we fostered that relationship as a key to getting a strong bond with our sons mom so that she'd place- instead we fostered it because this was someone we genuinely cared about- We are certainly happy to have a close relationship with her for our sons sake, and also 'cause she's just a fun person to hang out with. We never had any indication from our son's mom that she would have changed her mind at any point in the process- so I can't speak from experience about whether our closeness had anything to do with our successful placement.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    caddymom1978[Deleted User]
  • Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I am very nervous that she may not like us. I just can not believe how unbelievably emotional this whole process is.
    maryoosa
  • Good luck. We were matched around the same time during pregnancy as you. It will definitely be an emotional process (or it was for me). Our birth mom never waivered on her feelings about the adoption, but I always worried that she might change her mind. Like Maryoosa we have an open adoption. Because we had a lot of involvement (attended all prenatal appts) we have a close bond with our birthmom. We text several times a week, but have not had a face to face visit yet (baby is 5 weeks old).
    Blessed with 2 amazing little boys. One grew in my tummy and the other my heart.

    06/30/10 my 1st son was born on my birthday. 
    TTC #2 since 05/2011 BFP- Feb 2012, EDD- 11/01/12, m/c- 03/05/12 @ 5w+4d 
    12/20/13 my 2nd son was born and placed in my arms.
    Surprise BFP- Nov 2014, EDD- 8/06/215, mc 12/24/2015 @ 8w+6d
    SURPRISE - BFP- 4/8/2105

    caddymom1978
  • Good luck and keeping you in my prayers!  Hope it goes smoothly! 

    J&B // Married 9/19/09
    J: 28 // B: 32 

    TTC # 1 Since October 2010 (Not preventing since 2009)
    November 2013: Applied & Accepted by the Agency
    January 2014: Home Study, education class, Profiles
    February 2014: "Officially Waiting"
    image
  • I have everything crossed for you!
    TTC since June 2010
    5 Angels

    Lilypie - (hlC0)
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.

  • Sending you lots of best wishes!
  • Congratulations & best of luck to you through your adoption journey!
  • I find my story similar to yours. My DH and I tried to conceive for te first three years of our marriage. We did countless fertility treatments and after a failed IVF, we stopped. Emotionally, physically and financially we just couldn't go on. Nearly two years later, we decided at Christmas that we would start the process of adoption this year. I have several friends who have adopted and I started asking them about agencies and lawyers in order to get an idea of what to do. Last week my husband's 23 year old sister told us she was 15 weeks pregnant and would like for ys to adopt. Since it is a relative adoption here in KY we don't have to do a home study. I am still so nervous that she may change her mind. I truly want to shout it from the mountain tops that I am finally going to be a momma, but I am afraid to say anything because of the fear of one changing their mind. I guess I have seen one too any Lifetime movies. Lol. Am I being too nervous? When is it ok to tell others you are adopting?
  • By the way, congratulations! I hope we can chat throughout this experience. I see your baby is due in June, mine should be born late July. You are in my thoughts and prayes.
    [Deleted User]
  • Good luck! Our story was quick from official paperwork to match. We have wanted to adopt since day 1 of dating since I have a potentially genetic physical disability that we didn't know if it would be passed to the baby & how my body would react from pregnancy. So we saved $ up & talked to the law firm who said they normally have a 6 month match process. Well 2 1/2 weeks from turning our profile paperwork in, we got the match phone call! We had our home study scheduled for that evening & since we were using a private SW, she finished our home study quickly since we had a match already. Fast forward 6 months & I'm now sitting in the hospital holding our baby girl as we wait for the time for the birth parents to sign. So, yes it can happen that fast- prayers for your family, the baby & the birth parents!
    [Deleted User]WannaBmommacaddymom1978
  • I find my story similar to yours. My DH and I tried to conceive for te first three years of our marriage. We did countless fertility treatments and after a failed IVF, we stopped. Emotionally, physically and financially we just couldn't go on. Nearly two years later, we decided at Christmas that we would start the process of adoption this year. I have several friends who have adopted and I started asking them about agencies and lawyers in order to get an idea of what to do. Last week my husband's 23 year old sister told us she was 15 weeks pregnant and would like for ys to adopt. Since it is a relative adoption here in KY we don't have to do a home study. I am still so nervous that she may change her mind. I truly want to shout it from the mountain tops that I am finally going to be a momma, but I am afraid to say anything because of the fear of one changing their mind. I guess I have seen one too any Lifetime movies. Lol. Am I being too nervous? When is it ok to tell others you are adopting?
    I would be less nervous since it is a family adoption, I think. The girl told her father her plans this week and he is making her see a counselor before she decides anything, which makes me even more nervous. Do not get me wrong, I totally think she should get counseling before she makes up her mind but now I am nervous her parents my dissuade her more than the counselor. I am not telling any one until I know for sure. We still have not set up a time to meet the girl so until I meet her, I will not tell anyone, except very close friends and immediate family. BUT I am about to bust to tell the whole world. LOL
    WannaBmomma
  • dimples12 said:
    I'm a BM. I met APs around 3-4 months along. I also did not waver. The relationship developed organically but became quite strong after placement. I think it helped to know their story and see their interactions with their first adoptive child. BF did throw some monkey wrenches in it. As @maryoosa said, emotions are certainly hard to keep in check especially until it is all said and done. Sending you good vibes. On iPad
    I am so glad to hear a BM perspective and I am glad you shared it with me. Her BF is not, he wants nothing to do with it, although her parents my be a different story. She is 23, but her parents are not wanting her to give it up. That is what scares me the most. Parents can be a big influence on anyones decision.
  • @caddymom1978...our agency always told us that the most important influence on a woman's decision to place or not was her mother. In our current situation we held our breath until we knew that birth grandma was onboard.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    caddymom1978
  • I hope tat is true in our case, the BM's mom is my DH's step mom and she really wants us to raise the child. BM''s mom already raises my nephew.
  • @maryoosa that is what scares me the most. As much as I say my mom does not influence my decisions...she still does to this day and I am 35. 
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