Bed sharing with toddler and newborn

lizardknitter

Our almost 3 year old still bed shares. DH and I have a king size, she has a double both pushed together in the floor. 99% of the time, she and I are on the double and DH is in the king.
She refuses to let DH comfort her when she wakes in the night. I'm due with #2 in about 8 weeks and I have no idea how to arrange us all sleeping. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!!!

Emerald27

Since you have a couple months, I would see if you can help her transition to sleeping alone on the double. You don't need to move it, just slip back into your bed once she's asleep, and go to her when she wakes (then move back if you're still awake once she's asleep again). If she is contentedly sleeping on her own on the double next to you guys by the time #2 arrives, you can cosleep as usual with #2 on the outside, then you, then DH, then DD's mattress.

ETA: You may find that your 3yr might decide she wants her own room once she experiences bedsharing with a newborn. If you're comfortable offering her that option, you could see how she would feel about transitioning her floor bed to her room. You can still put her to bed as you do now, and using a monitor, can go to her when she wakes, but then she's less likely to wake and need you when #2 wakes...and needs you!

lizardknitter

She still wakes 2-4 times a night.
Even with night weaning. I also have no idea how tandem nursing will go. Hoping Adventures book helps us out there.

Emerald27

DS woke many more times when I slept with him than he does now sleeping on his own. We transitioned him to a mattress next to our bed about 4 months ago, and I started by sleeping there with him and then joining him at his first waking. Now, if I can stay awake, I get back into my bed once he goes back to sleep. He has gone from waking often during the night to once (rarely twice) a night. And he's not night weaned.

pixieprincss

We have a queen with a sidecar, which allows us some extra surface area to our bed. When DS2 was born it went like this: baby in sidecar/bedsharing next to me--mom--DS1 in the middle--dad. Now that DS2 is 1.5 years old and can be in the middle and our 3 year old sleeps in his own room for part of the night, it goes: DS1 in sidecar (he climbs in during the night when he wakes so we are not disturbed)--mom--DS2 in the middle--dad.

For us, bedsharing with a newborn was amazingly helpful for the transition. DS1 needed lots of cuddles and to be babied with a new baby around. For safety, they needed an adult between them. At first it was a concern about DS1 rolling on DS2. As they aged, it was more about DS2 clawing at DS1 in his sleep. I'm hoping DS2 will increase in gentleness soon so they can snuggle without us sometimes.

All that said, having options is a good thing. We have a twin in another room and that was hugely helpful on nights when one kid is being loud and keeping up the other and we wanted to divide and conquer or if I wanted DH to get a restful block so that then he could take the kids when they wake early in the morning and I catch up on my sleep then until he goes to work.