This should be a fun discussion...

jshrop

So, not sure if any of you have seen this article, but I have to say I was blown away. I'd love to hear your opinions lol... Please note, not trying to starting any cat fights here, just want opinions.


https://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/


Also, there's a follow up article.


https://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/is-the-point-of-having-kids-just-to-not-be-lonely/


AND GO!!!

ElTrain5

"You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids."

Right. Which is why all the women who have made history have been childless and single...oh wait.

wtfisup

That's just sexist bullshit. Find a better partner and stop casting people into holes based on sex. This reads like it's from the early 80s.

katekat8721

Dare you to post this on the SAHM and WM boards :P

rainbowdashh

I'm so glad she pointed out that I can't be exceptional because I don't work for myself and only for myself.

She writes to be shocking and to get a rise out of people. If that's truly how she feels, I feel sorry for her.

And her point about being alone and how her mom and sister can't be without their husbands for a day? I happen to like my husband and his company. It's not that I CAN'T go a day without seeing or speaking to him, it's that I don't want to.

Ashes92813

How bizarre, a friend just posted this on Facebook today. The author's tone is bitter and passive aggressive. It overshadows any legit point she was trying to make.

jshrop

katekat8721 said:

Dare you to post this on the SAHM and WM boards :P

I was a little scared of getting chewed out posting it here... Sooooo, I won't but you definitely can!

jshrop

ohyealovely said:

I'm so glad she pointed out that I can't be exceptional because I don't work for myself and only for myself.

She writes to be shocking and to get a rise out of people. If that's truly how she feels, I feel sorry for her.

And her point about being alone and how her mom and sister can't be without their husbands for a day? I happen to like my husband and his company. It's not that I CAN'T go a day without seeing or speaking to him, it's that I don't want to.

This was kind of my thought too... Like, if you want to be a writer, then write and stand behind the merit of your work, don't just pick inflammatory pieces to write an say you're an awesome writer because at least 2000 people have read your crap. It feels like a troll almost

supgabs

It seems like she's aiming her hate at SAHMs which I won't be so maybe that's why I could care less about her opinion . I don't think being a mother is anything super amazingly special since majority of people are able to reproduce but that doesn't mean it's not an important role. It seems that she believes that once you become a mother and wife you lose your identity as an individual which is just untrue.

Also LOL @ her Beyonce reference.

momof5sept18

ohyealovely said:

I'm so glad she pointed out that I can't be exceptional because I don't work for myself and only for myself.

She writes to be shocking and to get a rise out of people. If that's truly how she feels, I feel sorry for her.

And her point about being alone and how her mom and sister can't be without their husbands for a day? I happen to like my husband and his company. It's not that I CAN'T go a day without seeing or speaking to him, it's that I don't want to.

This. I could go a day without speaking to DH but I'd rather not because I enjoy his company.

kibean

I read the other one about how if men cheat on you it is because you don't want a love relationship and so you let yourself get unattractive and stopped having sex. So, lust and more lust = love? If I stay attractive and give it up a couple times a week, my husband HAS to love me?

Basically all of these entries read like they are written by a sexist troll. 

katekat8721

To be honest, the article just pissed me off because it's extremely narrow minded and emotionally driven. She needs to learn the word balance.

I got married young by today's standards, at about 22. I'm a full time working woman with pretty good balance of work and home life. I've been the "breadwinner" as I put my husband through law school and because of me we were able to pay off his school, buy a house and pay for IVF. I say this not to brag on my awesomeness (but hellllo I am awesome) but to show that my ability to become a successful member of society was in no way hindered by my choice to get married.

Now as I move on to a new chapter in life I am hoping and praying I can quit the workforce so I can be a SAHM. Things will be different. Instead of meetings and calls I'll have parent teacher conferences. Instead of projects and spreadsheets I'll be helping my kids with their homework.  I'm choosing to go from using my mind and work ethic that right now helps "the client" and instead am choosing to use my mind and work ethic to helping my child grow into a productive member of society (that's not to say only SAHMs can do this of course). It's pretty damn ballsy in my mind to think one job is more important than the other. Each is important in their own way.

iris427

I consider myself a feminist. But if she doesn't approve of the fact that I SAH because I am personally holding back the feminist movement, she can pay the $1000+ a month it costs to put two children in daycare. Until then, I'm going to do what makes financial sense for my family, because the feminist movement isn't paying my bills. She doesn't seem to understand the economic considerations that go into choices women make wrt SAH vs working. She should save her ire for the social institutions that make it hard for women to work and support families instead of denigrating mothers who are just trying to do what they can with their situation.

enpowers

I feel this was written by a girl who is searching to become something she feels is "fabulous". It's ridiculous and I take no offense to it because she has no experience with what she is writing about. My pregnancy came as a great unexpected surprise, and I no idea how sad I feel thinking it might have never happened. I feel her opinion will one day change as well. And until then she can kiss my baby-and-everything-tiny obsessed ass.

wtfisup

Tell me how being single with one income allows women to soar ahead and have a higher standard of life. There's pretty much no one who doesn't benefit from a two-earner home, even with the cost if a kid in there.

snowpants

I saw this before and couldn't make it past the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph, I was already losing brain cells from the stupid and didn't want to lose any more.

rmjones15

This makes me sad. I know plenty of women who love and feel fulfilled in their role as a stay at home mom. To be honest, I've worked both outside the home and at home as a mom and staying at home is no joke. It's hard!

But whatever. Investing in your kids and contributing to the world by raising the next generation....total shit.

LaurelJoy91

This is the biggest bunch of BS I've read in a long time... and I just want to point out that she goes on about how "impossible" it is to be "successful" if you've chosen to get married and have kids, then in the next article she says of Beyoncé "She didn’t drop her dreams for a family, she made her family part of her dreams" and how she has so much respect for her for doing so. Isn't that basically her just admitting that she was wrong and that it actually IS possible?

Annnd... I did not "let a man create a life for me". We have chosen to create this life together. I choose to be with him because I love him, I love his company, and I'm happy being with him.

And what about the man that decides to settle down, get married, and have kids? She doesn't seem to talk down about him at all, because apparently she still thinks he's successful. She really doesn't seem to grasp that a woman can have children and still have a career, and that she and her husband might share rolls equally. She seems to think that all moms are SAH...

curlylocks3

I've read both of these and all I'm struck by is how unhappy in her own existence the author sounds. People that are happy don't go around putting others down- and if it was really about sharing how great her life is then presumably she'd have enough examples of its fabulousness that she wouldn't have to resort to bashing "the other side". Lastly, she reads like someone who would have little respect for someone in a traditionally women's field like nursing or teaching.

MrsCase1

Eh, I'm the type of person who is SUPER turned off by any kind of extremism in opinion. I view it as having limited mental capacity. Her extremism makes me not take her seriously. There are valid reasons for not wanting a family, and it isn't for everyone. But once you start getting extreme, you lose credibility with me.

CherSomething

What a hateful blog post. She sounds very immature and short-sighted. Feminism is about being able to CHOOSE. Because women used to not be able to choose. You don't have to agree with another woman's choices, just be cognizant and respectful of the fact that she was able to choose for herself.

I think it's great if a woman wants to backpack through Asia if that is her choice. I think it is equally wonderful to postpone a career to raise her children by her own choice. 

Shineoncrazy

First off: yikes.

Counterpoint: Some of the MOST exceptional women in the career space are actually married, and many of them have kids. Ginni Rometty (CEO of a little company called IBM) has been married over 30 years, so when she was ~22-24. Cheryl Sandberg has been married twice. The first female CEO of Lockheed Martin, Marillyn Hewson, got married to her husband while still in college. There are others, but I feel like you guys see the point.

pcourtade

This was written by a sad, lonely person. I tend to find that people who aren't married or have kids, who are surrounded by people who do, tend to be feel very bitter toward marriage and children.

Puka99

She's probably ugly and has a butt face.

LindsayDesigner

We discussed the first post in my Mom group. One person pointed out that the writer's ignorance of going away parties probably stems from the fact she has no friends.
I thought it was just a massive eye roll, she sounds incredibly bitter. I really don't care what she would think of me, a SAHM with an MFA.

LEO2010

I couldn't agree more with pps that she sounds bitter, sad, and completely confused about marriage and motherhood. My entire life I have wanted to be a mom- a great mom- and a wife. That does not mean I don't have other ambitions and that I'm wasting my capabilities by doing so. I also want to be a great teacher to my students, a great friend and daughter and person. Is the fact that I won't make a ton of money or be the first woman to do "something" her problem? I think she is just angry because she has no clue how fulfilling the kind of life I've chose can be. All know all, I want to throat punch her and say a bunch of bad words. She just comes off as a little girl (no matter what her age is) that has had one to many bad breakup and is trying to be the next Carrie Bradshaw. *eye roll*

TugboatSheila

I'm a dirty lurker from July 14. I mean, I won't even touch the rest of what she wrote because it's so obviously ignorant but the part that pissed me off more than anything was when she said that getting married and having children was literally the easiest thing in the world and that anyone can do it.

Fuck that. Tell that to my SIL who has tried every single thing available to her to have a baby for over 5 years. Tell that to my mother who spent 15 years and every ounce of emotional strength she possessed just to have me. She can't possibly look a woman in the eyes who has done every possible thing and spent thousands of dollars to create a life that it's the "easiest thing in the world to do".

Maybe it's stupid of me but I kind of feel like this is actually written by a sexist old man.

MrsCase1

@JP27 Even finding a spouse is not easy. Well, one of quality, anyway. She sounds very angry at the world.

@Puka99 Middle school boy called me a "butterface." I was devastated. Turned out he liked me but was just really immature. Haunted me for years. Someone had to explain to me what it meant, LOL LOL LOL!

jshrop

I'm lol-ing at all of your comments, especially it's probably written by a sexist old man... Too funny! I hate the Carrie Bradshaw comments though. The Carrie character would have never been so hurtful and hateful. She might relate it to how it hasn't worked for her but never saying that it was easy or downplay it.


The thing I laughed at the most was her inability to reconcile that both lives can be accomplished. You can travel and become accomplished and experience crazy new things WHILE being a wife and mother. I can't wait to show my daughter the world. Sure I might steer away from the more unstable areas of the world but I likely would have done that anyway. There's no reason she can't go along for 80% of the things I wanted to do on my bucket list (ie, she's not climbing Everest with me-- unless we do it when she's an adult, but she sure can go on a road trip through central and South America where we explore and do volunteer work as well).
Anyway, I knew everyone would find it ridiculous but I wanted to see what you'd all have to say about it. Happy Sunday!!

LEO2010

@jshrop- I wasn't saying she is LIKE Carrie Bradshaw at all- I was just saying she wants to be like her. Unfortunately she isn't like her and never will be! I agree that her character wouldn't say anything that hurtful or spiteful. The woman who wrote the article is a wannabe.

LegalLadyBug

I think she's just an angry person.

That said, I did unintentionally give up my career when I had DD. I ended up having almost 2 years go by between graduating law school and passing the bar exam. DH works full time and it just wasn't possible to devote the time I needed to studying with an infant. I have applied for a ton of jobs and every time they find out I spent the two years with DD and studying for the exam, they can't get rid of me fast enough. So, now I have an advanced degree and hundreds of thousand in debt that I can't pay off because nobody will hire me and I can't have the instability of working for myself.

Does that mean my life is worthless and I contribute nothing? No. I made choices that the author clearly doesn't agree with, but that's ok. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all just got jobs and backpacked through Asia. Not to mention that humanity would be in trouble if we all stopped having kids because it's just not "exceptional."