Is it to late to change my mind…..

KirstenAlecia

Im in the TTW and I'm finding myself hoping for a BFN. I mean I have the weirdest luck so it would happen now after trying for the better part of a year (or at least not trying to prevent PG)

We are super strapped financially suddenly. Anyone  ever get sudden paranoia about the possibility in your TWW and think to your self "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING????" 

I mean Im sure it happens less in our age group since most people by our age have decent jobs and live in our own homes…..you know. Grown up. I am suddenly a little (ok a lot) stressed. I think i was starting to feel this way last month too. (TMI AHEAD) Last month in my fertile window hubby and I you know….BD and I'm not joking, my vajay jay was like " OH HELL NO…..I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING" it was AWEFUL…..sorry really really TMI….lol. 

Im sorry if this post is insensitive to anyone who wants it sooooo bad and is having a hard time TTC. I DO want another child…..I do. I don't know whats wrong with me. Im an emotional mess. literally crying when hubby isn't home and last night. I can't tell anyone in RL about this since nobody knows we are TTC. I have made it a secret and swore hubby to secrecy cause i don't want people to have expectations and if it never happens…….i don't know. Im a mess today, 

on42

I'll be honest: About a week before our IUI, I told Nate that maybe we shouldn't do the procedure. We're paying for our wedding (my first, and it's pricey), we're trying to buy a house, and we have to pay out of pocket for our procedures. He really, really wants a family. Sometimes I think he wants it more than I do.

So, yes, I relate. I mean, I DEFINITELY want this to work right now (I'm also in TWW, 9dpIUI), but prior to this cycle, I was ready to just walk away from trying and either adopt, or not have children.

I think it's harder for us - or at least for me, because as a woman, I have to go through most of the emotional and physical turmoil. It definitely is harder on me (testing, the procedures, appointments, disappointments, BFNs, etc) than it is on Nate. Because he just kind of goes with whatever is happening at any given moment. AND, I'm the one with fertility issues (DOR). So that weighs on me as well.

So, yeah I get it.

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Davie813

**Warning--child mentioned**

I don't mean to be insensitive, either, and I really, really want another child, too, but you ladies are definitely not alone in your moments of ambivalence. I worry that we'd be short changing DD with another baby so soon (even though wanting her to have a sibling is an important part of why we want another), and some days I feel like we can barely manage one very small child, let alone two. Basically, if I were ten years younger, I would NOT be trying again while DD was so young.

However. I also remember feeling similarly doubtful at times while TTC DD, even though we wanted a baby more than anything, and love her to pieces. I think it's pretty standard. I agree with @JimBobCooter that part of it is a defense mechanism, and as for the rest, maybe thinking seriously about how a baby will realistically impact your life just suggests that you're going to be a good parent!

KirstenAlecia

Hubby just said tonight….. "Well lets hope your not pregnant"

I lost it. Im a fricken mess. 

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C_Girlie

It's normal to have second thoughts. In life we second guess a lot of things

hooligans4

I'm sorry you are so stressed over this. Taking a break for a few months to get your mind and finances in order is not a terrible thing.
I wish you luck and I hope you find some peace.

HeathernSteven

As possibly the poorest girl in the world right now, I get it. I hear you, I can sympathize with your predicament. In '09 hubby lost his IT job in June, I lost mine in December. Neither of us could get jobs we reinvented ourselves and started our own businesses, he is a handy man, I am a massage therapist. Hurricane Sandy flooded us, I went to and finished grad school. We struggle ALOT have blown through our savings and retirement. We have moved in with my parents cause we are trying to sell our house. It makes BDing very complicated

So everything says to me, STOP, you can't afford this, and I can't. However we started TTC at 38 & 43 yrs old (married at 35 & 40) now we are 41 & 46, there will never be a good time for us ttc. 

But it will be so worth it for us to have a LO, you will just need to find your balance, it's different for each of us, we keep encountering obstacles and we help each other climb over it...just means we get to see the view from higher up. Take a deep breath and create a list of priorities and go from there....cause sure being broke is not easy, raising a LO is not easy, but you need to decide if it is worth it. SO I am sending you a big steadying hug so  you can hold on, catch your breath and start forward down which ever path is right for you.

Davie813

@KirstenAlecia: Hugs. I hope whatever result you get this month is the one you and DH ultimately decide you want, and that you can come up with a plan going forward that gives you both peace of mind: there probably is no "good" time for anyone to have a baby (whether they're single, partnered, regardless of age, etc, etc) beyond whenever they decide they really want one. Whether you decide to take a break or forge ahead, we'll be thinking of you! Hang in there... >:D<

KirstenAlecia

Thank you so much girls. I needed that vent and I needed those wise and comforting words. It seems better today. My husband is so good. He works so hard. I don't want the stress to overtake him. Everything rest on his shoulders and its not fair. 

I just have to have some faith that what is meant to happen will. In the meantime Im glad I have this place and you wonderful ladies to lean on when it comes to this stuff since like i said nobody in "real life" knows we are even THINKING about it. In fact my mom brought up babies last night and I said "NOPE! Im good being a mom to furrbabbies" lol.

I wish this stuff and all that comes with it could just be easy for us all……sigh.