Negative Body Image Emotions- A Place to Express Those Feelings!

LKHoffa

I know for a lot of us, we want a healthy baby and will do anything it takes to get that!

But, that isn't always easy on the mom! As our bodies change, it seems that it's common to have some negative emotions, but the rest of society isn't super sympathetic or understanding.

That's where there post comes in! What are the negative emotions that you've experienced with your changing body? Do you know why? How do you deal with them?

I know for me, when I gain weight steadily, I feel okay. But the weeks were I jump on the scale quickly, I feel WAY less unattractive! And it's hard to tell non-pregnant women- or even my DH- how I feel because the response is usually "Oh, that means there is a healthy growing baby inside of you!" True, but is there a healthy baby in my butt and thighs too?! "-p

So no judgment, ladies! What are your gripes and hangups? Any you are really surprised you have??

Carriebear22

Well I am feeling like the only thing on me that is getting bigger is my spare tire. My flanks and belly feel fatter. I'm never going to have the cute baby belly, I just feel like I'm going to end up gaining all the way around my middle and end up looking like the Kool-Aid man. (Someone please please please enter a GIF of him here, I still haven't figured out how to do that on my iPad!!!)

Valie18

Last night I noticed new stretch marks on my boobs. They are purple and ugly and I do not like them. I'm upset that although they will fade they will never go away and they will certainly be visible in a swim suit.

ETA: I haven't found a way of dealing with it yet. I'm still annoyed. Especially since I don't feel like bigger boobs are necessary for the healthy development, safe delivery, etc. of my LO.

tbmadeamistake

My biggest issue is my boobs, to be honest. Pre Catherine, they were small but perky and I loved them. they ballooned uo during that pregnancy and after. After 1.5 months of nursing followed by 4 months of pumping fUll time, they shrank down to these tiny pancakes with perma beaming nipples. The rest of me went back to normal, why didn't they?! I literally hate them and don't feel like myself. They are getting giant again but not in a perky way, in a hanging low and heavy way. Blergh. I just want my perky girls back. After nursing this one, I am seriously saving for a boob job. I want my small perky ones back! Its very hard to feel sexy with what I've got now.

ali_beth

Finally feel like I can let this out. I was losing weight when Igot my BFP. I lost 22 lb. First rimester lota little more but gained a little of it back. Even though I'm 18 weeks, I feel like I don't look pregnant, I just look overweight. I'm uncomfortable in restaurants with my DH and just feel gross. I get tht brushoff phrases that I "shouldn't feel that way" ,"Just means a healthy baby is growing in there" Frustrated because it seems that every one I talked to didn't feel this way in their pregnancies.

JulieSmiles

I was very overweight to begin with. I lost about 15 pounds during 1st tri. The last few weeks I have noticed the scale makes a huge jump each time I step on it. I think I would feel better if it were going slow, but its not. The NP I met with at first said not to gain any weight and I have no idea how that will be possible. Plus, I don't look pregnant, just more fat. If I looked a little pregnant, I may not feel so bad about my weight jumping. 

Kinipela7

I've always had an iffy body image and I strongly believe it is how I grew up.  My mom was always on a diet and when she would buy clothes she would try them on and just pick out all of her imperfections in front of us.  This behavior with the obsession our society has to be skinny just makes it so hard on us women. 

I think my self image has gotten a little better in pregnancy, however there are other things expanding besides my belly and that gets to me a lot.  I eat mostly healthy, eat when I'm hungry, exercise most days a week and that alone makes me feel better.  Once I start getting off the healthy eating wagon, my feelings about my body changes instantly.  So I'm doing what I can and am practicing for when my daughter gets here.  Trying to embrace my body instead of hating it!  My daughter isn't going to grow up with a mom that constantly hates her body!

ETA:  Trying not to compare myself to others is another big thing.  I will never ever be a skinny girl.  My body type is a pear shape and my hips/butt are huge, but I can certainly have a fit and strong body!

kgyorgy

I love this post. As this is my first pregnancy, a lot of what I really need is validation. I've been able to find validation for all my feelings so far, except that I still just feel fat. I need to be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels this way & this post gives me that. You ladies are wonderful, & are certainly not alone. Hang in there!

coffee89

I have an eating disordered past. I'm also currently overweight. Even though I've not gained anything yet at 19 weeks, I can tell my body is changing. I've not been able to wear my normal pants since week 8 and none of my normal shirts fit by week 12. I've got stretch marks, and If feel like I'm just looking fatter. I don't feel like I have a bump, just a "beer belly" It really upsets me that I have to silently deal with these body changes and not have any control. I keep telling myself that my body will  even out and after the baby everything will go back to normal and I certainly keep eating super healthy. I just thought I'd feel beautiful when pregnant, not just huge

rlamas

At first it was hard to deal with the weight issue as I just looked like I gained a spare tire. But now the bump is growing and although I do feel big I just remind myself that my body is doing something amazing. I think my biggest concern is in the boob area. They have grown so much and I've basically been in a sports bra since I found out I was pregnant. I plan on breast feeding so I guess my concern is how are my boobs going be be after BF? Only time will tell.

hollygb22

I'm almost 22 weeks and feel frumpy and dump. I don't have a bump yet so you just feel awkward.

I gained weight slow and steady with my first pregnancy and didn't gain a ton. However, your body just isn't the same. After a year of nursing my boobs are spent. I had a pretty decent sized chest and remember getting sized for nursing bras and my jaw dropped. With a 14 month old and working FT there's just no time to exercise. I think I just feel guilty that I was so active with my first pregnancy and feel like I'm sitting on the couch every night with this one..which isn't helping

SarahS11

I haven't gained a ton of weight yet... but I cannot STAND that all of the women I work with think that they have to comment every day about my bump... "Well, your bump is sure cute"  "Your bump is coming along nicely" "That outfit really shows off that bump"  I get it.  I have a bump.  It's not the only thing about me though.  It makes me feel like the bump other people see is WAAAAY bigger than the one I see in the mirror.  I still feel like it looks more like fat than baby... So all I hear is "that outfit really shows off your fat!"  Ugh

k2k2tog

I hate my boobs right now. I'm a little surprised by how I feel about them because they're huge and that's supposed to be good right? But they just don't look like my boobs. I liked my boobs. I miss them. 

I struggled a lot at the beginning with the thickening around the waist. I felt like I started to grow really early... there are so many stories out there of women who didn't show at all until they were at least halfway through. I was looking distinctly pregnant by the start of the second trimester, so it felt a lot like I must be doing something wrong. Of course, everyone's body is different, but it's still pretty hard to accept none-the-less. 

I have recently finished a book that has helped a lot with all this though. It's a very religious book, from a Christian perspective, so it might not help all of you, but... It's called Creating with God, by Sarah Jobe. She does an amazing job of presenting a realistic view of how chaotic, unpleasant, and hard pregnancy can be, while leading the reader through that to a place of acceptance and a deeper understanding of what we're actually doing in the act of growing babies. It's not about body image per se, but it had a lot to say about it in a really uplifting way.

jshrop

So yeaaahhhh.... I struggle with thus every sible day too. I just feel so freaking fat! And when people say "look at that cute little bump" I want to say its because it's small compared to my ass!!! I feel 100% unsexy and I get JEALOUS (flame away!) at those who have only gained a little.

Kinipela7

@jshrop - I urge you to not open the weight gain threads on this particular board.  I feel like A LOT of people (an unusual amount) have LOST or gained very little.  I hopped over to the May board and read their weight gain posts and it's much different over there.  It just goes to show that everyone is different.  But when I was comparing my weight gain to others weight gain on this board, I just about freaked and thought I was so abnormal when that is not the case.

mrscbrad

It is so difficult to switch from a place of weight maintenance- I was overweight as a child but have been a healthy thin adult- to a place of letting things happen as they need to. I feel so out of place in this growing body sometimes and then so guilty about feeling that way. I guess I just never realized that all of the emotions of weight gain and less of the control would be at play in pregnancy.

jshrop

@Kinipela7 oh I've been on them. I don't take it to heart and I'm not comparing myself to them, I just wish I hadn't gained 10 lbs of boobs and 10 lbs of ass during this. I know I'll lose it but gah! It pisses me off.

Kinipela7

@jshrop - I hear you!  I already had a big ass to begin with so that's one thing I thought foolishly "couldn't get any bigger".  Boo on that.

LKHoffa

After I posted this, I was worried everyone would think I was nuts and vain, so I'm glad I'm not alone! I'm not hating on the women who haven't gained (or have lost!) weight, but it's definitely hard for me to read! And in also worried about what shape my previously small but perky boobs will be in a year from now! I know it will be worth it, but why does this have to come with the package?!!! lol

Kinipela7

 I just want to add that I'm not hating on the non-gainers either - it just makes me feel better about myself that I am actually not the only one gaining weight!

sjn00

I started off at a bmi of 15 before I got pregnant.. I am now at a bmi of about 17.. I was at 19 and freaked out and lost weight.. It has been very hard on me and I am recieving a lot of help for it. But I just dont think I will ever be at a comfortable area with my body. Not having clothes that fit is so hard but I am too small for any sort of maternity clothes. I just want to say put for the rest of my pregnancy. Which is not logical, but I cant help it. I was put on Prozac.. Waiting for that to kick in and start working. I started exercising to help me feel better, only to start bleeding. So now I feel stuck again. Its such a hard thing to grasp and the eating disorder in me is stronger than ever because there is little I can do to please it being pregnant.

jshrop

BMI is such a poor representation of health. Even when you aren't pregnant that is a crappy scale to use. I hope the meds start helping you soon tho. edit for spelling

Kinipela7

BMI = nothing

Most athlete's are considered obese by BMI standards.  If you have ANY sort of muscle, you will be considered "overweight" or very close to it at the least. 

lola4411

i exercise a lot and that has been tough during pregnancy.  i have been lucky that i can keep up my exercise routine but it is tough seeing my body change so drastically and so quickly.  my boobs are enormous.  they were big before and i always loved that but now they are just ridiculous lol.  my weight gain is in the normal range but it feels like a lot to me!  my dh is so supportive but i would be lying if i said this entire body transformation wasnt really hard to adapt to.

moonbunnie

I was chubby to start with, and I just feel like I look fat, not pregnant. I can't even tell if my belly is getting bigger, it was big already. I'm afraid I won't ever look pregnant, just super fat

sjn00

@jshrop
@kinipela7

I know BMI is a poor representation. i do not want to put weight numbers because it can be triggering for others who had or have eating disorders =] trying to protect those around me. The point I was trying to get across was I was very underweight and unhealthy because of my anorexia and I am having a hard time coping with the 19lb weight gain i have had to do to get at a more healthy area for the baby.

ddd2

I haven't gained a lot but still feel shamed by my body. Especially since my belly only gets round after I over eat. Otherwise it is mush. And what if I'm focusing so much on my belly that my arms are getting fat and I haven't noticed! The scale keeps jumping and going back down, which I am used to but each time it gets higher. I'm so scared to relive what I went through with my first boy. I should be comforted by the fact my lap band will play a big part in losing what I gain later, but I can't help but think of ways to rely on it now so I can control the gain. Meanwhile every thought is consumed by what I want to eat and 90% of the time I just go on and eat it. The guilt keeps me tossing at night til I get on the scale and do it all over again. My walking eases the anxiety, but I'm just using it as an excuse to have whatever I'm craving.

CherSomething

SarahS11 said:

I haven't gained a ton of weight yet... but I cannot STAND that all of the women I work with think that they have to comment every day about my bump... "Well, your bump is sure cute"  "Your bump is coming along nicely" "That outfit really shows off that bump"  I get it.  I have a bump.  It's not the only thing about me though.  It makes me feel like the bump other people see is WAAAAY bigger than the one I see in the mirror.  I still feel like it looks more like fat than baby... So all I hear is "that outfit really shows off your fat!"  Ugh

Sarah, I feel the same way. I know that my "bump" is mostly fat right now, so when anyone notices, I think to myself great -- my fat is really showing. 

If I didn't have this 2" layer of padding over the baby, they wouldn't say anything.

I'm even worried about my a/s next week because my belly will be exposed and my boyfriend will see it. All wobbly. Hopefully he'll just look at the baby on the monitor.

I'm so scared of gaining too much weight... Especially since I'm in the military and have to fit test 6 months after birth. I HAVE to whip it all back in to shape. Also boyfriend mentioned how much he weighs a few days ago, and my heart sank... I'm probably that much by now.  I don't want him to know. 

MrsBuckholtz

I'm really thankful for this thread - sometimes I think my DH thinks I'm going crazy. The weight gain is not a happy thing for me right now especially because I had last 88 pounds from Jan-Oct. I'm now up 22 lbs, which wouldn't be a huge deal if it was an adorable protruding bump (like I've seen from you guys on HDBD), but I'm just getting wider. My waist is not so narrow anymore and my bump is still very much a "has she gained some weight back?" In fact, some one asked me exactly that. When I told her I was 5 months pregnant she looked relieved. My DH says I have a bump, but my boobs are so big it's hard to distinguish the bump (so I'm on the anti-boob love sentiment too). Also - shamefully - my nipples get crusty like once a week. Sooo not attractive.