New Boss was "friend" so it's a little weird, advice please

MommaP12

Hi everyone,

I just started at this job on December 2.  I worked at a horrible company before here, and was having lunch with my 'friend' that I worked with several years ago and hadn't seen in a long time and she mentioned she was hiring.  I'll also add that we were not close friends, more acquaintances by the time we had lunch because several years had passed since we last saw each other or spoke.  To make this story short, I was excited that she was hiring, interviewed, got hired and here I am now working for her.  I do like the company ( I worked here before, left on good terms and it's even better now) and the role I'm in.

The job is very confusing and it's with a new group within the company so everyone is kind of learning along the way.  I have a background in a very closely related field, but know enough to be dangerous about what this group does.  I'm working hard to learn the job quickly, but it's a tough industry that isn't usually picked up quickly.  I also know I'm not alone here in that regard - others are trying to pick up quickly as well and struggling a little.

Out of the almost 2 months I've been, my boss was out for 2 weeks and has traveled for work twice.   She did compliment me a couple of times saying "It's so nice to have someone cover while I'm out"  and that I followed up well on something once.  

What I'm getting at is this:   I feel like I'm disappointing her in my output/learning and our relationship also feels a little weird.   Sometimes when she talks to me it's more "friendly" and she'll vent about her dog or her family, show me earrings she bought, etc.  But other times, like if we have a one on one meeting, she talks very formally to me and that's when I feel I'm not doing good enough.  She'll say thing like "What I'm expecting from you is XYZ."  Or "I'm looking to you for how you would best handle this."  But it's on things I barely know about and her tone gets very formal and slightly condescending.  I don't think she means it that way but it's just weird to have these different contexts of conversations with her and I'm worried I'm not living up to her expectations.  I also feel like in less than 2 months she expects me to "get" everything and not have a lot of questions.  I'm hoping this is just my own "feeling."  FWIW, I'm a director and she's a Sr. Director so it's not like I'm some peon here, but sheesh, I can't just walk in and start doing work at her level.    Would you bother addressing this?  Give it more time?  Let it lie and just know her tone changes and struggle to figure things out?  

djm31012

i actually think it sounds more like shes trying to partner with you...and leaning on you for new news/solutions etc. I would take it as a compliment and just keep working hard like you are. dont read into it. Maybe you just feel weird because you are not as senior as her in title but feel like you are in skill? that happens often...unfortunately!

MommaP12

djm31012 said:

i actually think it sounds more like shes trying to partner with you...and leaning on you for new news/solutions etc. I would take it as a compliment and just keep working hard like you are. dont read into it. Maybe you just feel weird because you are not as senior as her in title but feel like you are in skill? that happens often...unfortunately!

Thanks ladies, I really do hope I'm reading into and she's just drawing the line.   I actually feel the opposite of the bolded sentence.  I feel like she hired me as a Director and is disappointed that I'm not coming in hitting the ground running as fast and awesome as she expected because I'm struggling to learn all the pieces and get what she asks of me in a timely manner.

scrappingcat

I am good friends with my supervisor outside of work and it does sometimes get awkward in the office if there is an issue about something.  I wouldn't read too much into it as it sounds like she is trying to make some boundaries between professional and personal.

VOR

Yeah, I'm in the "she's trying to draw a line" camp between what's friendly chit-chat and what's work related. 

There are a LOT of "I feels" in what you write, and talk of her tone.  Until she SAYS something specific, stop reading into everything. 

And if you are concerned that you aren't doing what she wants, ask questions along the lines of "are there any areas that you feel I need to focus on more?",  "do you have any suggestions on how I can get up to speed faster on XYZ?".  I'd ask them in a "I feel challenged, I like what I'm doing, I do know there are areas I'm still learning about - but I feel I'm doing a good job.  But.... I'd like to hear what YOU think".  Be confident about it and make it more that you're looking for guidance from her.

Outside of that, stop making assumptions and stop with the "I feel she thinks/feels ___".