Nervous, night before AI DS

jessicamaister

What if DH just puts the brakes on and we're back at ______ ground zero...?

Worse yet:  What if Dh is only doing this because he loves me enough to do anything; but it isn't really what he wants?

I've tried conning myself into believing in having no options other than to accept living child free; hoping to avoid these fears surrounding ds.

My self deception doesn't possess the endurance necessary to outrun my dreams. 

Finally, it appears I'm at the end of this long arduous birth process.  I'm in this dark familiar canal being pulsated forward no matter how much I dig in my heels to resist. 

What am I getting from these negative beliefs ?

I need to trust that my DH wouldn't make such a huge decision based on pleasing me.  He told me we would have our family and do this back when we were first diagnosed.  I was the one with the lack of acceptance.

Please, give me feedback about AI, DS, IF, Fears, etc !  Thanks for letting me ramble in different directions.

jessicamaister

Thank you so much Jalara There were air bubbles, leakage on my speculum, and pretty sure my diva cup was out of whack.  Ahhhh!!!!!!! hahaha - okay - well, we'll be trying again Saturday I hope.  At least the first one is out of the way.  

ladyrader0227

Sending you positive thoughts!  this process is very painful - but Jalara is right .... you are a warrier and you can do this!  Big hugs

Cmartin6706

I'm also late to this, but I thought I'd give you my opinion. The benefits of a male being on this board.

My wife and I use DS because I don't produce. I found out before I met my wife, but I didn't really deal with the loss of not being able to have bio children until we started trying to have kids. 

I can tell you this from my perspective and my experience. I willing went with DS BECAUSE I love my wife enough to do ANYTHING to make her a mother. Of course, it's not what I WANT....but what I want isn't an option and I had to learn to let that go. Was I sad and annoyed that I didn't have any sperm? Yes. Was I confused about why the heck I was the one to deal with this after all "every man has sperm"? Yes. And by the way, that's a society issue. Men deal with this every. single. day. But you know what?? We don't talk about it. Period. It's one of the biggest issues with IF....everyone always assumes it's the women. It's not, but we still don't talk about it. (and that goes for women too.)

Your husband clearly has three things going on: He loves you. He wants you to be a mom. And he wants to be a Dad. 

I wanted to be someone's Dad more than I wanted my own DNA walking around. It was as plain as that. I wanted to be a Dad and no sperm meant unless I went some other route....I wasn't going to be a Dad. 

Things that might help him with this whole using DS idea:

- Find other DS Dads to talk it out with

- Read about the stats on guys like us....if you need to talk to a RE

- Work through some examples of great Dads who raised babies that weren't their DNA. The one that helped me the most, because we are Christian, was Joseph. After all, Jesus had his own donor. 

It's possible this might actually be less him and more you....and by that I mean...you should just ask him how he feels about all this DS stuff. I found that my wife took using a traditional surrogate (using someone's egg) much harder than I did using DS. It's actually possible he just wants to be a Dad and wants you to be a Mom. 

Hope this helps! Chris

jessicamaister

Thank you all so much

jessicamaister

Thanks Lady for your warrior comment and support

Chris - I especially liked your reminder of Joseph

My DH said let's just do it - he's not big on talking things out.  It really was more me than him 100% of the way, even when it came to warming up to IVF I was the one who took time.

Jalara - Thanks for your response and support! I was a mess haha - I def wasted some on the speculum as well as had air bubbles in the syringe.  I'm glad that the first time is now done and out of the way!  Hoping to do another one tomorrow, and one more Monday night.