Back to reality.

Randazzle

Hi all, I just came to vent a little bit. 

I was laid off work for 2 weeks, which was nice at the time.  I was able to take it easy and enjoy myself.  My miscarriage occurred 3 days before I had to go back. Not the best timing, I would've liked another week or so to avoid the world outside my home, lol.   So I go back to work last night.  I was aware that one of my team members is pregnant and last night I learned another one of them is expecting too! Yaaaaay.  I'm trying not to be resentful like I was with my first m/c.  It was so frustrating to hear one of those girls talk about her "loser" of a "baby daddy" and how he wants nothing to do with the baby, etc etc.  I do feel for her, I just have a hard time understanding why there are so many less than ideal situations such as hers that go on with no problems, yet I have to experience loss again.  Then I feel guilty for thinking that way. 

Then the mailman dropped off my new nursing pillow and baby sling I forgot I had ordered (I tried not to buy anything, but I got a deal).  Excellent!  I also got an email letting me know I'd be getting a free subscription to some baby magazine in the next few weeks.

I feel like the universe is just slapping me in the face!  I wanna go back to bed for a couple more days...

aezimmerman

It is hard not to feel jealous, resentful, and/or annoyed by others' reproductive success. I remember when I was first trying to conceive. I wondered how it could be so difficult when there are so many unplanned pregnancies. Then when I got pregnant I felt like I had solved a big riddle. Then came the miscarriage. Suddenly I was part of a statistic that was supposed to somehow make me feel better. I felt like now I can be that miscarriage person for my friends who will have successful pregnancies. So far I am the only one who has had a m/c. I have several friends whose first pregnancy was successful. I feel like a reproductive failure. Sometimes I wonder why they are so lucky and I am not. Then I feel silly for being jealous, or worse, I feel guilty for not being happy for them. It is a process. There are going to be emotional land-mines, such as baby related emails, finding that baby book you bought and stashed away, a co-worker with a sonogram picture on her desk, etc., from time to time. Going to bed would be great, but life doesn't stop moving just because this terrible things has happened to you. Do something nice for yourself such as a hot bath. Maybe that will help.

Randazzle

Thanks. With my first miscarriage I really distanced myself from two of my close friends.  They both gave birth within 6 months of my m/c.  I'm trying to keep these feelings under control because I missed out on a lot when I shut everyone out.  The friendship, their new babies, and the support they could've offered. 

I did have one friend who had gone through a m/c before, and it helped to have her. Then she had a successful pregnancy shortly after her loss. For some reason I thought my experience would be like hers.  Now I'm the loner with 2 m/cs. 

I do feel less anger this time around, and I think venting a little bit whether it's on here, or in a journal, or talking to people to just get it out is helping quite a bit.  Just letting the feelings happen and working through them.  I'm much more confident that we'll be ok this time. 

MCH77

I understand. I work in a HS that is full of fertile teenagers. I've watch them get pg, while I've had 3 losses (and my beautiful son). I don't get it.

BackstreetPixie

I posted about mine on fb and learned way more people i knew have had them then i knew. They never told anyone. I go private messages for 30 different women about their losses. So that is what I think helps me feel less alone.