Your MIL is the host of the shower. So if she doesn't choose to include children then that's what's up. Her dime = control of the guest list for whatever reasons she wants. Your partner should not be involved in any way in the planning.
If your mom or cousin throws a second shower then she must be careful to not include any guests from the first shower. That's asking for gifts twice & rude. If she wants to include children then that is her perogative.
Yeah I'm with all the other girls. Your MIL is the one hosting so she is the one who gets to decide the details of the shower. Having kids there or not is completely up to her. Just enjoy the fact that someone was kind enough to throw you a shower and try to appreciate it just the same.
AND, it's just a baby shower. Just calm down...it's not a life altering event.
Dude. This. OP - you're WAY too involved, as is your boyfriend. Back off. A shower is a gift given to you. NEITHER of you should be involved, at all.
And for all your griping that your MIL is weird and won't meet your parents unless it's on her terms, here she is trying to do something involving both families and it's YOUR family that will now (supposedly) refuse to come because it's not on their terms (kids).
Hmmm... interesting, isnt' it? But you don't seem to have a problem w/ YOUR family backing out. Only w/ your ILs.
And really? NONE of your friends or family can take a couple hours away from their kids? They all insist on taking their kids w/ them everywhere they go?
If it's OH SO IMPORTANT that kids be invited, then your family can step up and throw a shower that includes kids. This is truly a sticking point for me. Because someone graciously offers to throw a shower, it doesn't now become their job to host EVERYONE. They are allowed to set a limit on people/budget. If people (your family) has a problem w/ this, then they can do something about it.
Everything @VOR said. It sounds like you are being very hard on his family and your family can do no wrong, when really your family is not planning a shower and allegedly refusing to attend the one that is planned. It's on then. Trust me, I know it's easier to see the fault in your in laws and put your family on a pedestal... We're all done it once or twice... But you need to get over that if you're going to successfully raise a child within both families. Why not look at the positives? His mother is generously offering to throw you a big shower at the location you want. That alone is very sweet!
Also, you're honestly telling us that no one in your family or group of friends have a spouse that can stay home with their kids while they go to a shower for a couple hours? I love my girls and bring them most places with me (when appropriate), but I have honestly never brought them to a shower. My husband, mother or paid sitter have watched them depending on the day and who the shower is for.
I agree with everyone else, but wanted to add that you sound very unappreciative. A shower is a gift, not a right. Stop acting like you are entitled to a massive shower with everyone you've ever met just the way you want it. If someone cant attend, I'm sure they will still see you at some point, most likely with a gift. So please, calm down, and be happy that someone has offered to throw you a shower and is trying to make it "perfect" for you.
Side note: if you BF's parents won't meet yours without a personal invite, why hasn't that happened yet? You've been together for 4 years and neither set of parents has bothered to invite the other over for dinner? Seems a little fishy to me.
I agree with all PP's. I also want to say that it's the norm to not have kids at a baby shower. They are noisy, get into things, and cost $$ to have there, especially if it's at a restaurant or catered. I think it's more out-of-the-norm to HAVE kids at a shower. It's nice of your BF's mom to do anything; showers are a lot of work and money to plan. If your family doesn't want to come because they don't want to get a sitter for a few hours, then they can hold their own shower or sit it out. having a shower without kids is usually a nice break for the moms attending.
Nobody in your family can go out for a couple hours without their children? That seems fishy. In this case, we'd either get a sitter or DH would stay home with DD while I went. Simple. Besides, how many dads really want to go to a baby shower?
Hello everyone! So here is my dilemma. I just want to gather everyone's thoughts on this. So first I'm 23 yrs old and pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4yrs. We come from completely different families..example my family is more family oriented were we have lots of gatherings and his family is a family who argue a lot when they are together. So they don't like gatherings. We'll our parents have never officially met, because his side does not like to meet anyone unless they are invited to meet by the person who they are meeting. Other words we had trouble getting my mother in law to either go to dinner to meet my parents or go over during a holiday without her backing out.. Yes it's not easy. So, my boyfriend and I one time did not tell either parents that his parents where at our apartment. So they both just happen to be show up at once and they had no other choice but to meet. It was like the fastest 2 minutes ever. This was just last year when they met. Lol. (My boyfriend and I used to joke that they would meet at the delivery room.) when we found out I was pregnant I was super excited. My boyfriend and I started talking about the baby shower. I told him that it would be easier if we just had one big shower with both families combined. I thought this was a great way for them to meet and hopefully get along. We planned on having it at my best friends restaurant since that was the only place big enough for the family, and having them cater. We would pay for the food. We figured everyone would have to RSVP so we knew exactly how much to pay. Now I really wanted this idea and told my boyfriend I would have to plan my own baby shower since our families don't know each other and the only middle person is me. When i mentioned it to my mother they said I'm not allowed to plan my shower, someone had to throw it for me. My mother also told me that my cousin wanted to throw one for me, but that was as far as it got.So this was months ago. Now I'm 7 months pregnant and my mother in law took initiative in planning a shower for me which I'm really grateful, since everyone kept asking me about a baby shower. So now I find out my boyfriend and mother in law are planning the baby shower. My boyfriend works out of town and his mom has been wanting to throw a baby shower for a while now. So he is playing the middle person instead of me. But see my boyfriend is not mentioning anything to me about the shower because he does not want me to stress out or anything, but what he did tell me was that my mother in law does not want any kids at the baby shower!! I was a bit thrown off and didn't like the idea. She wanted to put no kids on the invites. I told my boyfriend that sounds awful and offensive . I told him my family has kids and my friends too, everyone is not going to find a sitter just to go to a shower. The way my family throws showers is everyone's is there even kids, but we have a jumper for the kids. When we told my mother in law she stated finding a sitter is the parents job and if they can't then they can't come. My mom n law theory is that she does not want the focus to not be on me. She didn't want kids running around and their parents worried about their kids. She wants all the attention on me. She does this with good intentions I know but this is how I say our families are soooo different. So now I'm thinking I'm going to need two showers now. But since my boyfriend wants this to be a surprise in a way he is not mentioning any details about the shower. But from what I have gathered from my mom n law, ( she keeps slipping details about the shower to me by accident) one this shower they are planning will be at my best friends restaurant and the them is snoopy. I love snoopy. Two my boyfriend will be the one handing the baby shower invites to my family since he knows them. So what's the big deal right? Ok what really worries me is initially I wanted the shower at the restaurant because BOTH families will be there, now that there is no kids allowed, I know my family won't be there and my friends either, so this means only her side of the family will be there and all the catering that will be done would be a waste if no one shows up. This really worries me because I know what boyfriend is planning because it slipped thru his mom but he don't know that I already know what is going on, and my boyfriend wants this to be perfect. I know he believes my family will be there and his family also, but I know that everyone has kids and they will not all find a sitter for that day. So it breaks my heart with just the thought that this is not going to work out as planned. I know my mom side is planning another shower for me which makes sense that the whole idea at the restaurant will not be as packed as he thinks. So it worries me that he is planning all this out for the families, and just the thought for him to be disappointed makes my heart ache. We'll I hope I made my point across, I'm typing this on a tablet with no keyboard, so it's a big hard. Tell me ladies what you think about this situation since it's now beginning to stress me out.
You know when you see a . that some ish went down.
First, @darbie914, thank you for quoting her and providing me with some much needed entertainment.
OP in RE the bolded, I hope you come from two different families. If you came from the same family, you would be related and EW.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
We need a rule on these that the first person to reply needs to QFP.
We use to do that on The Knot. Then, the mods started telling us that constantly quoting the OP so it would still be around in case of a delete was a flaggable offense.
Gah!
What?! That's ridic!
Also, I'm always following you on other random BMB's like a sneaky sneak!
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
Jeadrin11
member
Re: .
If your mom or cousin throws a second shower then she must be careful to not include any guests from the first shower. That's asking for gifts twice & rude. If she wants to include children then that is her perogative.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Dude. This. OP - you're WAY too involved, as is your boyfriend. Back off. A shower is a gift given to you. NEITHER of you should be involved, at all.
And for all your griping that your MIL is weird and won't meet your parents unless it's on her terms, here she is trying to do something involving both families and it's YOUR family that will now (supposedly) refuse to come because it's not on their terms (kids).
Hmmm... interesting, isnt' it? But you don't seem to have a problem w/ YOUR family backing out. Only w/ your ILs.
And really? NONE of your friends or family can take a couple hours away from their kids? They all insist on taking their kids w/ them everywhere they go?
If it's OH SO IMPORTANT that kids be invited, then your family can step up and throw a shower that includes kids. This is truly a sticking point for me. Because someone graciously offers to throw a shower, it doesn't now become their job to host EVERYONE. They are allowed to set a limit on people/budget. If people (your family) has a problem w/ this, then they can do something about it.
Also, you're honestly telling us that no one in your family or group of friends have a spouse that can stay home with their kids while they go to a shower for a couple hours? I love my girls and bring them most places with me (when appropriate), but I have honestly never brought them to a shower. My husband, mother or paid sitter have watched them depending on the day and who the shower is for.
And then ditto what everyone else said.
Side note: if you BF's parents won't meet yours without a personal invite, why hasn't that happened yet? You've been together for 4 years and neither set of parents has bothered to invite the other over for dinner? Seems a little fishy to me.
You know when you see a . that some ish went down.
First, @darbie914, thank you for quoting her and providing me with some much needed entertainment.
OP in RE the bolded, I hope you come from two different families. If you came from the same family, you would be related and EW.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
What?! That's ridic!
Also, I'm always following you on other random BMB's like a sneaky sneak!
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!