SLEEP HELP!!! First time mom

NGriffin09

I apologize in advance for the long story but please read need some advice.

My son is four months old this week and up till 3.5 months I was off on maternity leave. Therefore during the day when my son napped I would just hold him. He wasn't a great sleeper from the beginning and seemed to sleep longer when I held him and since they say you can't spoil a newborn I would just hold him. Obviously at night I did not hold him he would sleep in his swing. By three months he had a great pattern. He would sleep an hour in the morning, two hours in the afternoon and about 45-50 minutes late afternoon. Again all naps during the day I held him. At night, he slept in his swing for a good 6-8 hour stretch and then back to sleep for another 2 hours. Life was good at that point . Then I had to go back to work and he was getting older so my husband and I thought we have to get him to nap without being held, but when we put him down he naps for 30 minutes max and then he is exhausted and fussy for most of the day. He is very difficult for the sitter and even the past couple weeks he has been fighting going to bed. Laying him down, picking him up and even holding him doesn't help he is inconsolable. He will literally scream at the top of his lungs and rocking, swinging, signing etc nothing works. To get him to stop crying we wind up having to distract him with toys to get him to calm down but then it just exacerbates the problem because he is still overtired and only happy temporarily till he start fussing again. I should note that from very early on we did a bedtime routine bath, read, feed, rock and then he's sleep. During the day he formed his own schedule. Currently he sleeps in our room in the swing and during the day we try to get him to sleep in his crib. First I was wondering if any of you have had similar experiences, he did go through a four month growth spurt I believe because he woke more often at night for a few days but now seems back to normal with the night sleeping with the exception of fussing a little more when it's time to put him down. The naps are the worst. Is this a phase? Any tips on how I can get him to sleep longer when not held? How to stop him from fighting it? Should I just let him stay awake till he is tired enough even if he's even more fussy bc he's overtired at that point? Also he is starting to get too big for the swing but at night is the only time he and we sleep a good solid stretch. I feel like people tell me I should have him out of my room and he shouldn't been in the swing but his crib, but I can't get him to sleep that way. I know every baby is different but is what I'm doing wrong? I don't mind him in our room or the swing but don't want to make it harder on myself in the future by letting this go on now. Any help on transitioning him to the crib or his bedroom?

Sorry for all the questions just wondering if anyone had first hand advice or experience with this.

Thank you in advance!

amelbug

How long have you been back to work? My daughter was like this week one for the nanny. She adjusted and the nanny got to know her quirks. Maybe you just need to give it time? We have a fisher price glider - it's wider than a RnP/swing so should last a bit longer. At night we cosleep though so no help there! Good luck.

barnwife

Well, that was TL;DR.

Here is what I know about sleep.
Do what works for you and your family. (For us, that means bedsharing and co-sleeping until night weaning happens. I don't encourage night weaning until at least 1 yo.)
The good thing about sleep is that if you don't like it, it will change.
The bad thing about babies and sleep is that if you do like it, it will change.
As the last two say, babies are constantly changing their sleep patterns due to sickness, holidays, getting out of a routine, growth spurts, etc...

Don't sweat sleep stuff. Just get through it. 

Signed, 
the mom of a LO who didn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a stretch for the first year of his life

NGriffin09

Thank you for your response
I went back to work at 14 weeks and he is 17 weeks now so three weeks and I would say the fussing and fighting sleep started a week ago. I don't think it's just the nanny though because I was with him this weekend and he did the same thing with me.

I guess since you co sleep your response to my question on whether he should be in his own room by now would be no

NGriffin09

Thank you barnwife, so in your experience we aren't setting up bad habits now that we won't be able to break at one year of age? In your experience you cosleeped till they were one and then they slept in their crib, no problem? don't have an opinion bc again no experience here just curious

barnwife

NGriffin09 said:

Thank you barnwife, so in your experience we aren't setting up bad habits now that we won't be able to break at one year of age? In your experience you cosleeped till they were one and then they slept in their crib, no problem? don't have an opinion bc again no experience here just curious

Oh, we've bedshared and co-slept  past one with both J. and A. And as I type this they are both sleeping in their own room. We never used a crib. We transitioned them to mattresses on the floor in their room. J. must have been in his own room by 18 months, as that's when A. was born. 

I honestly think the answer is that LO should sleep in a place that allows everyone in the family to be as well-rested as possible.

ravenclaw1

A used to love her swaddle (been swaddled in the crib in her own room since day one). She started sleeping like crap recently, so we decided "what the hell, let's ditch the swaddle." Slept like a champ all night. Any previous attempts at unswaddled sleep we're horrific.

She was just all of a sudden ready to sleep in her crib without it. So maybe try his crib. You're assuming he won't be ok with it, but babies are crazy and might surprise you. If you're sleeping poorly anyway, what's one more shot in the dark . I've found that with babies, everything is an experiment and really doesn't always make sense.

Good luck!

313Meg

I also agree w pp's. The reason your nanny is hired is to help take care of your LO. Some babies go through those phases. We did for a month and I think are JUST coming out of it. And it will change again. So I hate to say this but if it's bugging the nanny or not like other babies... Get over it and go with the flow.
LO hates naps and fights me over them. Won't nap more than 15 mins if I put him down and is fussy until he falls asleep from 4-7.

AppleMuffins

Just keep trying different things. Things that didn't work before might start to work now. Without really trying or "training" her, my daughter just started putting herself to sleep in her crib. She was just ready! (That said, she used to sleep through the night before too, and now she doesn't).  But if I lay her in her crib for naps, she will also only sleep for 30mins instead of her usual 2-3 hour afternoon nap if I hold her. So, I just gather that she's not quite ready for it. I'll just keep trying every so often, but I'm not going to force it o her or try to change her habits. When she's ready, she'll do it.

And at night, I do bring her to bed when she wakes up so I do consider us bedsharing even though she starts in her crib. We are considering side-carring the crib to our bed to make it like a cosleeper.

NGriffin09

Thank you all for the responses. I'm glad to see that you all kind of just go with the flow and if that means holding the baby so he can get some sleep then so be it. You just always hear people tell you what you "should" be doing but I going to ignore the advice and do what works for us. Hopefully when he is ready for his crib or to be on his own it will just happen naturally and not be forced. Thanks!!!