I want to punch MH in the face/Come vent with me!

Into+the+Kitty

You'd think that if anyone knew how much I'm being affected by my utter failures TTC, it would be him. Apparently not, cause otherwise you'd think he wouldn't send me an 'OMG GUESS WHO'S PREGNANT!' text about someone's unplanned pregnancy. And then totally ignore me afterwards when I call him out on it. I'm so annoyed right now, and know we're probably going to have a pretty chilly conversation later.

Feel free to share your own vents, and I'll share your outrage and annoyance.

nanabanana06

That sucks. Guys just don't get it.

Mine is being a dick today cuz his friend is over. We had this really nice talk last night and we're really good. Then today he's pulled out the dick card.Like, I just tried putting Cade down for a nap in his pack n play (which is where he always naps). He tells me off that he should be in his crib since they are playing a game that involves talking (and apparently screaming). Ugh. Whatever. I am hungry and don't feel well, so he should just eff off.

bikramgirl

That's douchey. Sorry

My vent is not very serious but I am annoyed. I've asked for a new couch for 3 years. We don't really need one but a new one would make more sense in our living room. I am a sahm now so cash flow is very different and a new couch is understandably not at the top of the list. Dh called me at home on Friday to ask if I wanted a new washer and dryer. I don't. I was annoyed. I want new couches. Haha.

CLLDLL

I'm sorry ITK.  I think guys sometimes just don't get it when it comes to TTC.  Not that it makes what YH did right.  It was still jerky.  

For your husband:

MH is actually being pretty sweet lately.  My vent has to do with DS1. He's 8 going on 16.  Mouthy, argumentative, and not the boy I've raised lately.  I get why people send their kids to boarding school now.  

blondolphn

I bought a new pair of large sweat pants for working out in. He asked why I bought a new blanket.....

unaveragejane

This is probably a flame-worthy vent, but it bugs me that DH has gotten so heavy over the past few years. When we dressed up for the gala last night, he had to wear a brown belt with his black suit b/c his black belt is too small. We JUST bought him new belts a year or two ago b/c his old ones were too small then. It's affecting his sleep (90% sure he has sleep apnea), healthy, energy, mood, and libido. I totally get that it's hard to lose weight, but it's so frustrating to see him gaining weight and not caring about it. Plus he's such a hypocrite about women's weight. He wouldn't date any of the girls at his HS b/c they were all "fat heifers." I'm mentally daring him to say anything about my figure these days.

Danie007

unaveragejane said:

This is probably a flame-worthy vent, but it bugs me that DH has gotten so heavy over the past few years. When we dressed up for the gala last night, he had to wear a brown belt with his black suit b/c his black belt is too small. We JUST bought him new belts a year or two ago b/c his old ones were too small then. It's affecting his sleep (90% sure he has sleep apnea), healthy, energy, mood, and libido. I totally get that it's hard to lose weight, but it's so frustrating to see him gaining weight and not caring about it. Plus he's such a hypocrite about women's weight. He wouldn't date any of the girls at his HS b/c they were all "fat heifers." I'm mentally daring him to say anything about my figure these days.

No flames here.

blondolphn

Ask him why he bought a blanket the next time he buys clothes. He will get the hint.

PipSqueak0313

Not a Dh vent (he's been great so no complaints there).  My mom, on the other hand, told dd that I'm getting depressed(again) because I'm so focused on ds2 and I'm obsessed with my books cause I'm doing something with them every few minutes.  

Dh laughed when he heard that.  According to him, I'm focused on ds2 because he's not old enough to care for himself and his down syndrome requires more attention from me simply from having to track his appointments and therapies.  Ds2 also was diagnosed as FTT so I am focused on his feedings.......which required me to be nursing and pumping frequently.  The fact that ds prefers to eat frequent, short feedings is beside the point.

Dh claims that if I'm depressed, I'm happily depressed.

And ITK, hugs.  I've btdt, it's no fun when it feels like your body is failing you and the one you expect to understand is seemingly rubbing that feeling of failure in.

emw9985

unaveragejane said:

This is probably a flame-worthy vent, but it bugs me that DH has gotten so heavy over the past few years. When we dressed up for the gala last night, he had to wear a brown belt with his black suit b/c his black belt is too small. We JUST bought him new belts a year or two ago b/c his old ones were too small then. It's affecting his sleep (90% sure he has sleep apnea), healthy, energy, mood, and libido. I totally get that it's hard to lose weight, but it's so frustrating to see him gaining weight and not caring about it. Plus he's such a hypocrite about women's weight. He wouldn't date any of the girls at his HS b/c they were all "fat heifers." I'm mentally daring him to say anything about my figure these days.

No flames here.  I could have wrote this post.  He bitches about his weight when I talk to him about mine (still BF, holding onto like the last 11 pregnancy pounds and I finally am starting to lose them), but he won't man up and do something about it.  So annoyed.  It's why pretty much all of his Christmas presents were clothes, in a larger size.

Mandmeesh

Danie007 said:

This is probably a flame-worthy vent, but it bugs me that DH has gotten so heavy over the past few years. When we dressed up for the gala last night, he had to wear a brown belt with his black suit b/c his black belt is too small. We JUST bought him new belts a year or two ago b/c his old ones were too small then. It's affecting his sleep (90% sure he has sleep apnea), healthy, energy, mood, and libido. I totally get that it's hard to lose weight, but it's so frustrating to see him gaining weight and not caring about it. Plus he's such a hypocrite about women's weight. He wouldn't date any of the girls at his HS b/c they were all "fat heifers." I'm mentally daring him to say anything about my figure these days.

No flames here.

none here either.  MH and I have an agreement that if either of us gets fat, we get divorced. lol

Mandmeesh

ITK, I will punch YH for you…what a jerk

and, I can't picture MH ever telling me something like that "guess who's pregnant".  I don't know, he's not very gossipy, or chatty or whatever. 

okay, so apparently I guess MH and I never talk. lol

CLLDLL

Chickypoo2468 said:

ITK! I opened this post thinking it would be anyone but you! I'm sorry he's being a butt head. Guys just don't get it sometimes.

@clldll we joke about boarding school All. The. Time. I think it's just the age. I pray it's just the age.

@unaveragejane I get it. DH was a medium when we got together 3.5 yrs ago. Now he's an XL. He doesn't look huge, but I feel like he still looks at me like I'm not all that, and I want to punch him in the face and tell him that he isn't all that either and he's lucky to have me. He let himself slip in a lot of other ways tho, and it really hurt my feelings. And gave me more of a complex. And made me bitter.

Oh, and his response to his clothes being to small isn't that he needs to stop eating so much crap. It's that he needs to buy bigger clothes. Wth.

Oh I so hope it's just the age. He can be super sweet one minute and then a complete brat the next. I keep reminding myself to smile through it and not let him get to me, but wow it's hard.

LittleLady77

Infertility was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever dealt with (and I woke up paralyzed from a coma- so that says a lot). I'm sorry you're dealing with it @intro+the+kitty. I hope you're able to find some good support out there.

LittleLady77

Bump burp

TJ1979

I'm sorry YH is being an ass. I can't tell you how many times I got to hear that during our 3 year struggle for E. he just didn't get how it upset me. Hello?!?!

I've been doing paleo since last January, and dairy and gluten free since I got pg (can't quite hack full paleo, but trying!) MH has never been fully supportive and teases me a lot due to my diet. Now suddenly his trainer suggested a diet that is practically paleo and he's all for it. AND he's being a total jerk about it. Cranky bc he's hungry and terrible at sacrificing, and giving me hell when I eat some gluten free cereal in front of him. Like I'm taunting him. Sigh.

luvboston

Your husband wouldn't last a second in my house (hugs) we have a strict non pregnancy rule.

DH came home from a long trip and is being rude to my grandmother and mother and all I get is hell for it.

ElleBeeDub

Ugh! What is with men?! I'm sorry, ITK. It's unbelievable how frequently MH does this sort of thing, and then DOES NOT UNDERSTAND why I'm upset.

MH has this (sometimes seriously annoying) habit of giving me "advice" on how to communicate better and make his life easier. So this morning, I turned it around. Was he receptive and open and accepting like I try to be when he does this? No. He basically just told me that I should get over it and adapt to how he works.

sarenu1

Not even close to yours, but my husband complained about being tired last night. He's been sleeping on the couch since I've been in the bedroom with the little guy. I gave him laser eyes this morning for that comment.

L0L0

I have a CD related one! DH now refuses to spray out DD's poop diapers because "it makes him feel sick." So he leaves them on the changing table for me for later, and then I have to do it while she's hovering and trying to throw things in the toilet. Also he apparently forgot how to do prefolds on our newborn and keeps messing it up and causing leaks. I Feel like he's trying to prove that he is incompetent so I get stuck with all the diapers for both kids.

Into+the+Kitty

Sorry to have posted and run, little miss decided to skip her nap today and was slightly less than patient then ended up being sick all night.

@chickypoo2468 he's usually not so completely and utterly daft, so I wasn't quite expecting it either. He brought me ice cream home and apologized. He was like, 'Well I knew you weren't going to be happy about it, but didn't think you'd be upset.' Are you kidding?? We had just seen another girl who I used to work with who just had a baby while we were out, and then I moped the whole way home and kept saying how hard it was to see her and that I so desperately wanted to have this be easier, but he claimed he didn't know that thisnews would upset me. Ugh, I'm still just bitter about it. I basically told him, 'If it's about a pregnancy, tell me in person. And don't be so fucking chipper about it.'

The girl who is pregnant now is/used to be a friend of mine, and I probably should congratulate her, I'm just waiting to get to the point where my message isn't 'Congrats on being so fucking fertile that not only do you not have to try, but you kicked birth control's ass.' I'm just bitter.

@Littlelady77 We've had our own TTTC journey in the past, which I rarely post about and usually delete shortly after, but I would not classify myself as dealing with IF. I'm impatient and frustrated with my currently malfunctioning body, but to claim IF at this point would be insulting to all of you ladies who have gone through years of numerous tests, treatments, anxieties, and disappointments. I still appreciate the good thoughts and am sorry for your (and all the wonderful IF grads on this board) struggles with it. I'm glad to see that you've now got two little miracles on the way.

Into+the+Kitty

blondolphn said:

I bought a new pair of large sweat pants for working out in. He asked why I bought a new blanket.....

This would make me murderous.

Into+the+Kitty

CLLDLL said:

ITK! I opened this post thinking it would be anyone but you! I'm sorry he's being a butt head. Guys just don't get it sometimes. @clldll we joke about boarding school All. The. Time. I think it's just the age. I pray it's just the age. @unaveragejane I get it. DH was a medium when we got together 3.5 yrs ago. Now he's an XL. He doesn't look huge, but I feel like he still looks at me like I'm not all that, and I want to punch him in the face and tell him that he isn't all that either and he's lucky to have me. He let himself slip in a lot of other ways tho, and it really hurt my feelings. And gave me more of a complex. And made me bitter. Oh, and his response to his clothes being to small isn't that he needs to stop eating so much crap. It's that he needs to buy bigger clothes. Wth.

Oh I so hope it's just the age. He can be super sweet one minute and then a complete brat the next. I keep reminding myself to smile through it and not let him get to me, but wow it's hard.

My niece is just shy of S and D and is pretty similar right now. I'm guessing it's gotta be the age since they aren't all drinking the same water.

Into+the+Kitty

kklamb10 said:

My FIL needs all kind of punching in the face. He has OCD and is a hoarder but is unmedicated. He kind of just showed up at our house yesterday morning and ended up staying the night last night. MIL is in town and we told him he could stay but only if he didn't smoke at our house. Somehow the chimney has managed not to smoke but he's beyond crazy and I want him gone!

Lol, next time you should keep a business card to a local hotel on hand. Give it to him with a big ole smile and say, 'I hope you enjoy your stay!'

Into+the+Kitty

TJ1979 said:

I'm sorry YH is being an ass. I can't tell you how many times I got to hear that during our 3 year struggle for E. he just didn't get how it upset me. Hello?!?! I've been doing paleo since last January, and dairy and gluten free since I got pg (can't quite hack full paleo, but trying!) MH has never been fully supportive and teases me a lot due to my diet. Now suddenly his trainer suggested a diet that is practically paleo and he's all for it. AND he's being a total jerk about it. Cranky bc he's hungry and terrible at sacrificing, and giving me hell when I eat some gluten free cereal in front of him. Like I'm taunting him. Sigh.

This would make me so angry because it's soooo hard to eat healthy/stick to a food plan when your spouse is being unsupportive or isn't participating. You get my major props for having stuck it out without having his support. The whole, 'Well when you say it it's stupid, but when someone else does it's the best advice ever' also makes me want to stab someone in the eye.

Into+the+Kitty

sarenu1 said:

Not even close to yours, but my husband complained about being tired last night. He's been sleeping on the couch since I've been in the bedroom with the little guy. I gave him laser eyes this morning for that comment.

Lol, you should have just handed him your DS and walked away. Preferably to go take a nap.

Into+the+Kitty

L0L0 said:

I have a CD related one! DH now refuses to spray out DD's poop diapers because "it makes him feel sick." So he leaves them on the changing table for me for later, and then I have to do it while she's hovering and trying to throw things in the toilet. Also he apparently forgot how to do prefolds on our newborn and keeps messing it up and causing leaks. I Feel like he's trying to prove that he is incompetent so I get stuck with all the diapers for both kids.

If my husband pulled this it wouldn't work because I'd start doing 'Babycare 101' and treating him like a student. He wouldn't like it, but I don't like the whole 'Oh, you just do it so much better than me!' schtick

Unknown

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shan417

Going back to the weight thing, DH mentioned the other night at dinner with friends something about me still having a few pounds to lose.  I know he was trying to be funny, but he tends to bring up things he never says at home like how the dishes don't always get done right away.  He thinks he's funny but it makes me upset because it opens a can of worms I won't discuss right then, such as how he never does dishes and he's gained as much weight since getting married as I have, and I just had a baby.

TJ1979

shan417 said:

Going back to the weight thing, DH mentioned the other night at dinner with friends something about me still having a few pounds to lose.  I know he was trying to be funny, but he tends to bring up things he never says at home like how the dishes don't always get done right away.  He thinks he's funny but it makes me upset because it opens a can of worms I won't discuss right then, such as how he never does dishes and he's gained as much weight since getting married as I have, and I just had a baby.

Ugh, mh does this too! It is SO rude.

MK sorry YH does this too. Such crap.

candlequeen

My husband takes the cake of course bc he's a drug addict who I'll be divorcing soon. He had the nerve to tell my mom that if I get remarried one day he shouldn't have to pay child support bc there will be two incomes and I won't need his money. He's so fucking pathetic. He stayed in the house we were renting without paying any money and they had to evict himand threw all his shit out in the front yard. He was living there with no heat or water and had the electricity hooked up illegally.

Danie007

candlequeen said:

My husband takes the cake of course bc he's a drug addict who I'll be divorcing soon. He had the nerve to tell my mom that if I get remarried one day he shouldn't have to pay child support bc there will be two incomes and I won't need his money. He's so fucking pathetic. He stayed in the house we were renting without paying any money and they had to evict himand threw all his shit out in the front yard. He was living there with no heat or water and had the electricity hooked up illegally.

Yep, he gets the biggest douche award.

megpeg

candlequeen said:

My husband takes the cake of course bc he's a drug addict who I'll be divorcing soon. He had the nerve to tell my mom that if I get remarried one day he shouldn't have to pay child support bc there will be two incomes and I won't need his money. He's so fucking pathetic. He stayed in the house we were renting without paying any money and they had to evict himand threw all his shit out in the front yard. He was living there with no heat or water and had the electricity hooked up illegally.

My friends husband thought the same thing when she got remarried and petitioned the court to have it changed because he didn't understand the new husbands income didn't count. He ended up having a better job and had to pay 3 times more in child support. Sorry your soon to be ex is such a tool.

PipSqueak0313

megpeg said:

candlequeen said:

My husband takes the cake of course bc he's a drug addict who I'll be divorcing soon. He had the nerve to tell my mom that if I get remarried one day he shouldn't have to pay child support bc there will be two incomes and I won't need his money. He's so fucking pathetic. He stayed in the house we were renting without paying any money and they had to evict himand threw all his shit out in the front yard. He was living there with no heat or water and had the electricity hooked up illegally.

My friends husband thought the same thing when she got remarried and petitioned the court to have it changed because he didn't understand the new husbands income didn't count. He ended up having a better job and had to pay 3 times more in child support. Sorry your soon to be ex is such a tool.

I'm wondering how my ex will handle finding out that child support doesn't automatically go down when the oldest child graduates from high school.  Dr is 21 and ex has never petitioned to have the child support reduced and obviously I'm not going to since I'm having to pay 100% of the expenses, including the part he was supposed to be paying, and I had to pay all of the expenses of getting the kids to counseling as a result of what he did to them..  I also think he thinks child support goes away when the kids grow up meaning that he doesn't think he'll have to pay back child support.  I don't have a calculator handy to figure out what $854/month times 6.5 years is, but that's the child support bill that is waiting for him when he gets out of prison. 

PipSqueak0313

Chickypoo2468 said:

megpeg said:

candlequeen said:

My husband takes the cake of course bc he's a drug addict who I'll be divorcing soon. He had the nerve to tell my mom that if I get remarried one day he shouldn't have to pay child support bc there will be two incomes and I won't need his money. He's so fucking pathetic. He stayed in the house we were renting without paying any money and they had to evict himand threw all his shit out in the front yard. He was living there with no heat or water and had the electricity hooked up illegally.

My friends husband thought the same thing when she got remarried and petitioned the court to have it changed because he didn't understand the new husbands income didn't count. He ended up having a better job and had to pay 3 times more in child support. Sorry your soon to be ex is such a tool.

I'm wondering how my ex will handle finding out that child support doesn't automatically go down when the oldest child graduates from high school.  Dr is 21 and ex has never petitioned to have the child support reduced and obviously I'm not going to since I'm having to pay 100% of the expenses, including the part he was supposed to be paying, and I had to pay all of the expenses of getting the kids to counseling as a result of what he did to them..  I also think he thinks child support goes away when the kids grow up meaning that he doesn't think he'll have to pay back child support.  I don't have a calculator handy to figure out what $854/month times 6.5 years is, but that's the child support bill that is waiting for him when he gets out of prison. 

Just a heads up, but it was written into the support papers that I got when S was a year old that support would end on her 18th bday or 21st if she went to college or whatever. Just make sure it's not in your papers already. And seriously? Who thinks that missed support just goes away? Dumbass.

It has the ending date based on the youngest child, but nothing is mentioned regarding reduction after oldest turned 18-21.  Dd will be 22 in less than a month and ds1 is still in high school.  When my child support order was written, xh was still in the USAF and the abuse wasn't known or being investigated, so it was assumed that xh would be paying child support and therefore would be looking to have it reduced as soon as Dd was old enough.  I will have to file something with the state of Arizona when ds1 turns 18 to have the back child support amount totaled and have court order issued for him to pay.  The child support order also said xh was supposed to provide the kids' medical and dental insurance so I am curious to see how the court treats the amount I have had to pay to provide the health and dental insurance.

unaveragejane

On a side note, DH is OOT for another week, and DS and I are already completely sick of each other. I can hardly have 5 minutes to myself without DS freaking out or getting into something. I have so far peeled him away from my mouse, keyboard, printer, paper shredder (unplugged - don't freak out), and box of office supplies at least a dozen times in the past 6-8 minutes. It totally sucks that child-proofing things also means locking up anything remotely entertaining for me.

Signed,
Debbie Downer

PS Crap. Here he comes again.

TJ1979

@unaveragejane Can you set him up his own "office" with an unloaded stapler, paper, pencils or crayons, phone, and any old or toy electronics? E was a hot mess yesterday too. I feel like all I do all day long is say no no E, we don't break things, put that in our mouth, hit or kick the pets, or pull things out of our diapers. I feel like such a negative nancy.

unaveragejane

TJ1979 said:

@unaveragejane Can you set him up his own "office" with an unloaded stapler, paper, pencils or crayons, phone, and any old or toy electronics? E was a hot mess yesterday too. I feel like all I do all day long is say no no E, we don't break things, put that in our mouth, hit or kick the pets, or pull things out of our diapers. I feel like such a negative nancy.

Oh, I love this idea!!! We just got a play kitchen for him (for free from a friend - woot!) and he LOVES it. I can finally cook and wash dishes without him feeling so left out. A mini office might be just the trick to being able to sit down for a few minutes and check email. You're a genius!