Need to vent...and need advice

Lovenyc

Background: I've posted here about my 27 mo old son who has a speech delay. He has been evaluated by the state and by two private speech therapists. All of the evaluations came back as a speech delay and nothing more...but after attending two music classes with him, I once again have some questions.

My husband and I took him to a mixed age (6mo-4yrs) music class for the last two weeks. Right out of the gate, the teachers told everyone to just let our kids be who they want to be for the 45 min class. If they want to run, let them run.

So, last week (week 1) my son ran like a maniac around the room. He loved the music but he wouldn't sit down. He LOVED the instruments and loved cleaning up after each activity. There was another little boy about a year older than him that was not engaged at all. He ran around the room but didn't seem very interested in the music. Towards the end of the class, my son was chasing after the other boy and accidentally pushed him down. His mother said not to worry about it, things happen. I overheard the mother telling the teacher that her son was non-verbal and on the spectrum. I got the feeling the music teacher might have thought my son was on the spectrum as well because these were the only two kids running around.

This week (week 2) H and I were "hoping" he might be a little better behaved. He was a little bit better but not much. He loved hearing the songs and playing the instruments but he got so excited he just wanted to run. Since it's a mixed age class, H and I worry about him running over a baby or accidentally hurting another child so we tried to stop him from running....not so easy to do. I was ready to pull him out of the class and leave but we stuck it out. It's just really hard to see your child behaving in such a hyper way when others were able to contain their excitement. Granted, he is the only 2 year old in the class. The other boys are 3+ and the girls are younger.

On the positive side, I was encouraged to see he was a little more engaged with the class. He kept going up to the teacher to dance. I also cannot tell you how HAPPY he seemed..but as his parents, we just wanted to control his behavior. Such a double-edged sword.

On the way out of the class, the mother of the boy on the spectrum said "Your son did so much better this week. At least he son didn't push anyone this week."....ummmmm, ok thanks???

I guess I'm just confused about his behavior. He goes to daycare fulltime and is pretty well behaved at school...but in this class, he acted like we had never taken him out of the house. Is is the new environment?? H thinks his behavior is 10x worse around me...and maybe he has a point. I have a very hard time saying NO to him, while my H has no problem disciplining him. I took myself out of the room during the class for just a minute and when I walked back in, my son was sitting nicely w my husband. We've decided that he will take him to class from now on. Another thing: my son will mimic my husband when he asks him to say a word...every time, without fail. He NEVER does it for me.

What am I doing wrong? Does this behavior sound alarming? I just don't know what to do anymore. Speech therapy starts this week. Two 1 hour sessions every week. I am nervous about it and how he'll behave but I'm excited to get him started.

So yes, this is a long rambling post from a tired FTM who feels like she has absolutely no idea what she's doing.

realisticdreams

I don't have a whole lot to offer except that if you are concerned about a possible ASD dx you won't find that from a speech therapist and most likely not from EI eval as well.  You need to schedule with a developmental pediatrician and they usually have long waits.  

Good luck.

Lovenyc

Yes, my ticker is correct.
6 months along. I'm not sure he has any clue as to what's going on.
He points to my belly when I ask him where the baby is but beyond that I don't think he has a clue.
I wouldn't say I'm concerned about an asd diagnosis. His day to day behavior doesn't raise any red flags. Of course, you're right in that he has not been seen by a dev pedi. I scour every checklist and nothing adds up. The only thing that does make sense is SPD because he is so active and loves everything big and loud.
I think the biggest issue right now is his frustration with not being able to express himself. His big word right now is "NO!"

natgerber

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that your son sounds exactly like my 32 month old DS. We had a similar problem at a soccer class, DS just wanted to run and do his own thing while all the other kids (mostly 3 and 4 year olds) followed the directions.  Its tough when you feel like everyone else's kid can do the class and yours cant.  

My son has been having speech therapy twice a week since he was 23 months.  Some days he does well and is attentive and some days not so much.  A few months ago his therapist suggested starting OT since he seems to be showing some sensory seeking behavior but its very mild.  DS has OT once a week now and he LOVES its. He is so calm afterwards and his attention seems much better. Might be worth looking into for your son. 

Lovenyc

Thank you for your replies. You have really lifted my spirits. 

I've really been sitting back and really paying attention to how I behave in reaction to his behaviors. I am very quick to "fix" things for him. I've also been watching how much better he behaves with others. My husband is very direct with him and his behavior is MUCH better with him. I think the big thing for me is I never want to see him upset. I don't need a psych degree to realize this is because I spent so much time taking care of him when he was sick. He was sick off and on from 4months to now. I fear this attachment will be really difficult to break once the new baby comes....I need to change that. I give into everything he wants. 

We started speech therapy yesterday. He had a meltdown when the therapist asked me to leave the room but he quickly recovered. She told me he didn't say a word but did eventually engage in the game she was trying to play with him. She said eye contact was very limited. Of course, when I came back into the room he started to flirt with her and said some words. 

I'll end on a positive note: He said MAMA to call my name for the 1st time ever. It was a big moment for me.