Custody/Visitation is a Nightmare - Question

eg214

Another reason my BD is the devil in my eyes. So disappointing. Dealing with the devil.

The atty I consulted with a while back said the court could frown upon me for choosing not to vaccinate (please, not open for discussion) and I could potentially lose parental rights or some BS. So, I emailed BD to get it in writing that he also has no problem with this choice, based on a health issue for him. Good news is I got the all clear from him in writing so he can't use it against me in court. Great.

Bad news is he is still pestering me about custody/visitation. I basically told him to STFU last time he mentioned it and it came up this time (every time we communicate) because I offered for him to be in newborn pictures with her. Stupid me. I mean, I try to do the right thing and be the nice one. Be the one who is open minded and willing to be a fair parent for my daughter's sake and instead, it bites me in the ass. I'm so exhausted with this man and unfortunately, this will be my life for the rest of my life.

Just the other day he sent me a text message apologizing for everything he's ever put me through and how I didn't deserve the things he did to me (while we were married). Then, a couple days later, he's being an ass again. It's draining. It's exhausting that he is so mentally unstable, but I know it won't matter in court. The man is entitled to see his daughter, fine...but in the process he gets to make my life a living nightmare.

He tells me he has sent me his proposal and wants to see mine. I cannot afford an attorney AT ALL. No buts about it, so I'm waiting on Legal Aid to be willing to meet with me, which they told me last week will more than likely not be until after she is born. I know he is going to jump the second she's born and file papers. I'm nervous he and his atty will put in a temporary order which I don't know how that works. Can a judge just automatically grant it without my being consulted? I forgot what the atty I met with said. I know she said it would take a couple months to get to a judge and if we didn't agree, then it would be forwarded up to another court and it would take another 6 months or so before we'd get before that judge to determine things. I'm just not certain I remember how temporary orders work. I've already told him I'm willing to let him see her as often as he wants until we get this worked out, but he refuses to listen and takes the ass way of doing everything.

I'm emotionally exhausted. Trying to do the right thing and it doesn't matter.

20thirteen

I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm not sure how temporary orders work either, but if you go to the court house you can ask someone there.  There should be a reference desk somewhere in the courthouse (there are in my county, but maybe that's because my county is so big...?) and someone there should be able to make it clear for you.  No one there is allowed to give you legal advice, so you may want to be careful how you ask about it.  Remember wherever you go, anything regarding legalities, you have to be careful how you ask for help. Unless you are with an attorney, of course.

I know that doing the right thing is tough, but stick it out, your daughter will learn so much about "the right thing" and that alone is a pretty sweet reward.

tig594

Trying to do the right thing does suck when it bites you in the ass constantly.  You mention that BD is unstable.  Is he stable enough to be with your LO alone?  Also, if he has a lawyer and you don't you shouldn't be showing him anything.  You really shouldn't be talking to him either.  You don't want to be surprised at what bites you in the ass later on.  I know you want to do what you think is best.  I really am of the opinion you should cut contact with him.  You are pregnant and he just sounds stressful!

MinnesotaMomma91

Im with pps. Dont talk to him. Just dont. Stuff you say to him, post online can bite you inthe ass. Befoe bd deleated his facebook when bentley was two weeks old he was telling me he couldnt afford child support or afford to sustain a relationship with ds.the nxt day he posted a picture of the new classic car hed just bought. I now have a screan shot of it.

Point is, get a lawyer. Dont talk to him, keep things private and let the lawyer help you decide whats best. Then letyour lawyers guide you two through medation.

eg214

Problem is I have to keep him somewhat informed or it WILL look poorly on me in court. I don't conversate with him, nor do I initiate dialogue...but when he randomly texts me every couple weeks asking how things are, I will respond. Plus, I have to let him know when she's born and allow him to see her. He wants a relationship with her and the atty I met with let me know that while it is up to me for visitation until we have a formal legal agreement, if I choose to shut him out, it will not look good in court. So, I'm doing the bare minimum to get by. I don't really have a choice. I am fully aware that anything I say and do can  be used against me, so I do keep it to the bare minimum.