Dear (Sarcastic) Husband Vent

laurenann89

Sooo... It's 6 am and I'm laying in bed awake because my DH decides to bring his 180 lbs body to my side of the bed and go on lockdown, refusing to move, while I have about 10 inches of space for my 7.5 month pregnant self to lay. My knees and elbows are hanging off the bed. I try my best to wake and scoot him, but he just goes on lockdown refusing to move. At this point, he's awake but being a stubborn ass. I lay on his arm to give myself the room I need to be fully on the bed and he rolls me off his arm and proceeds to elbow me in the back/side over another 3 inches. On my back and the side of my uterus. It hurt, and I now have less room than I had before. I'm pissed, so I elbowed the shit out of him in return and of course he just continues to lay there taking up almost the whole bed...20 minutes later, he's snoring again and I'm laying here losing precious sleep that I already struggle with. I've just about had it with this man. We've had to move in with my mom bc he quit his job while I'm in school, bc he didn't like it anymore and couldn't pay the bills. The only income we have to pay for this things like cars, food, gas, etc. is mine from an inheritance check I received a few months ago. It's been 5 months since he worked and he's not even looking for a job, knowing we have a child going to be here in 2 months. In the last few months his true colors are showing and he calls me names like bitch and says fu*# you to me at least 5 times a day now. On top of having an alcohol problem. He doesn't physically hurt me, or he'd be gone already. But as it stands now, I've had enough and want his ass out. I'm just not sure what to do since I am 7.5 months pregnant and nothing is easy right now. Sorry for the long vent.

Kewii

Your husband is an ass.

Stand up for yourself and your baby. You both deserve better.

kls33145

He should be sleeping on the couch if that's what it takes for you to get a restful sleep, never mind hogging and elbowing! Ugh!
You should be treated like a princess by him....I hate hearing when men act like this. It makes me so mad!!!
I agree with PP, stand up for yourself otherwise shit like this will keep happening. If he doesn't respond and still is treating you shitty, screw him!!!! (Not sexy time screw him....angry screw him!!)

theluckiest9

You deserve better. And just because he hasn't been physical with you yet doesn't mean he wouldn't - especially the way he's talking to you. Do you want a role model like that for your child?? How would you feel if he speaks to your kid like he speaks to you? It sounds like your parents are supportive. I'd kick him out and cut ties. I'm sorry you're going through this.

AKPuffin

Pack his bags!  I was in a verbally and mentally abusive marriage, thankfully we never had kids, but leaving was the best thing I've EVER done for myself.  As others have mentioned you and your baby deserve better.

legallyginger

I'm so sorry ((hugs)). I'd definitely be kicking him out. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he's not welcome back in your mother's house until he gets his shit together and starts acting like a responsible, caring adult. If he can't do something as simple as roll over for you so you're comfortable, he needs a serious wake up call.

jfb29

The other PPs are right - you need to kick him out (you don't need to leave, he does!). Life is too short and too precious to be treated like that and NO ONE deserves to be treated like that! Your child deserves a better role model for a man in his or her life so they don't learn that type of behavior is typical and acceptable. Talk to your mom since you are staying with her. I'm sure she already knows what is going on and will support you. He needs a cold and swift kick to the curb!

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this but also know that just bc he isn't hitting you doesn't mean you aren't being abused. While working on a project for grad school I sat in on a support group at. Domestic violence shelter and one thing that really stuck out at me that all the women said was the WORST thing they all experienced by far was the verbal/ emotional abuse. Their cuts and breaks would heal but those emotional scars never go away. A very dear friend of mine left her emotionally and verbally abusive husband several years ago and she still struggles with her self- worth. He never hit her and it took him hitting her father who was going thru cancer treatment as a wake-up call for him to go. I'm telling you that you are worth more than this. You deserve better by far and you need to get him out of your life for your own safety and well being, but also for that of your child.

VanessaBee

All of this. My ex-husband, while he didn't have the addiction issues, did have a serious mental illness. He was incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive. Believe me, that abuse WILL eventually be directed towards your child. My ex has a son and the things he would say to this kiddo were just awful. And, like an addict, he had absolutely no patience with any of the very normal toddler / child / teenager behavior. Fortunately his son was able to go live with his grandparents, but I can't imagine growing up like that won't eventually take it's toll. You must take care of yourself and your baby.

clo1982

Everything @rad&co said. He sounds not only like a man-child but also a selfish asshole.

AriaAmante143

AKPuffin said:

Pack his bags!  I was in a verbally and mentally abusive marriage, thankfully we never had kids, but leaving was the best thing I've EVER done for myself.  As others have mentioned you and your baby deserve better.

My first marraige was very similar to AKPuffins. You need to pack his bags and tell him to get his shit together before you can be a family. The fact that he quit his job because "he didn't like it anymore" is incredibly irresponsible. How is he expecting to pay for this baby?

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rockopera

I'm with everyone else. Stand up for yourself and your baby. You do not have to live like this. He's got a pretty sweet deal right now and doesn't seem like he has any motivation to change. Send him packing.

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YankeePeach08

I"m so sorry you are going through this at such an already difficult emotional time. usually I'm all for putting on your Big Girl panties but in this case I would recruit your mom to help...she does know what is going on right?

have her help you pack his bags and tell him that he needs to leave. PG daughter is welcome to stay and not work but able-bodied husband with baby on the way needs to GTFU and go get a job...no more free-loading.

Honestly, the sooner you address this the sooner you will have a resolution. Maybe things can be fixed, maybe not but you deserve to know and not be left hanging/wondering what life will be like while he drains your bank account and mooches off of your mother.

KTdid81

Whether his verbal & emotional abuse turns physical or not, what kind of parent or role model is he being for his baby. If he talks and treats you like that, your baby will think that is ok. And it's not.
I think it is time for some space. It sounds as though your parents are supportive.
Whether you end it or not, you need to address the issues as soon as possible. They will only get continue/worse if you let it go.

saisongbird

He needs to go.  He is not contributing anything to your life but unnecessary stress.  You have a baby on the way - you don't need to care for two of them, especially when one calls you a bitch and says fuck you to you on a daily basis.  Your priority needs to be YOU.  I would bet your parents would be completely supportive of kicking him out and never letting him come back.

I'm sorry you are going through this - it's the last thing you need.  But the FIRST thing you need to do is to create a safe, supportive, loving environment for you and your LO.  Just because he gave you the sperm doesn't make him a father.

Andreabills

He is already hurting you! Verbal and emotional abuse aside (which can cause just as many if not more issues than physical abuse), you also said: "At this point, he's awake but being a stubborn ass. I lay on his arm to give myself the room I need to be fully on the bed and he rolls me off his arm and proceeds to elbow me in the back/side over another 3 inches. On my back and the side of my uterus. It hurt, and I now have less room than I had before." He is intentionally hitting/elbowing you in your back/uterus and he isn't being physically abusive?

Kick his ass to the curb; talk to your mom for support and call the cops beforehand if you think it will turn ugly to get him out of there. There is absolutely NO reason for you to have to put up with this!

beachcomberbride

Leave his ass! No one deserves to be talked to like that. Period. 

dedeyoba

I'm sorry. I agree with the others, you deserve better. Get rid of him and focus on you and the baby. Good luck.

laurenann89

Thank you so much for all your support and wise words ladies. This is something I've been struggling with for awhile now and I think you're all right-he's got to go. My mom is incredibly supportive of me and will here to help in anyway. I'll be packing his stuff and sending him out. Might keep me busy for the next little bit, but I'll be sure and be back on here for more distraction/support and to support you ladies too!

saisongbird

laurenann89 said:

Thank you so much for all your support and wise words ladies. This is something I've been struggling with for awhile now and I think you're all right-he's got to go. My mom is incredibly supportive of me and will here to help in anyway. I'll be packing his stuff and sending him out. Might keep me busy for the next little bit, but I'll be sure and be back on here for more distraction/support and to support you ladies too!

Please make sure you have other people around you when you kick him out.  I know you say he hasn't been physical with you yet, but that could change.  Please protect yourself and your baby!!

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jfb29

You are making the right decision. Like @tallash and @saisonbird said - please have other there with you when you tell him he has to go. You have no idea how he might react..

coreyeliz

I'm so glad you're making this decision. And I echo the advice to have other people around when you kick him out. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and your baby doesn't deserve to witness it or be subjected to all of the things someone like that brings into a home. I'm glad you're with your mom and it sounds like you'll have good support. Please keep us updated, and stay strong!

ndpoole

Wow! I'm happy you're going to kick him out, but I agree with @saisongbird and @tallash. Please have someone else there like police or dad/brothers/male cousin. If he hasn't been physical, the embarrassment of being kicked out could surely cause him to. Please talk to police about the potential of a restraint order. While you haven't said that he physically threatened you, you should no your options. Be safe and I hope it all works out for you and your mom.

teaforthree

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's hard.  I agree with all other comments.  And, if he can't even give you half the bed now (and pushing you in the back and side of the uterus to get you to move?  No, just no.), how do you think he's going to act when there's a crying baby who has needs?  He's got to go.  You and baby will be so much better off without that negative energy.

sopranoali

It's really up to you, but obviously he is not being a stellar husband right now. When I say it's up to you, I mean, you should decide if you want to give him a chance, be it through rehab, counseling, etc.

Whether you have the "things need to change here, and the way you speak to me if you want to be my husband" talk or the "GTFO you piece of shit" talk, make sure that someone else (like your dad or another trusted male) is in the immediate vicinity. You can still have a private conversation, just do it safely, in case he erupts.

Kewii

@laurenann89 Any update? I've been thinking good thoughts for you!

bingbongsmama

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. He sounds utterly useless and you do not deserve to be called names or treated badly. I hope you do kick him out, sounds like your mom will be a great support to you and the baby.

Stephout

Once he is out make sure you contact a lawyer so you know what your options are. You have to consider whether he will fight for some custody rights.