I completely feel like OP is back peddling as well. He would have mentioned soothing and not have usedthe word "ignore". Also he said " How do we know she is not really hungry if she wakes up crying in the middle of the night? We just ignore and let her cry" if he researched at all like he claims he did or just had any compassion he wouldn't want confirmation to let her cry if they feel she hungry.
I understand training works for some but we have chosen not to do it in our house. Those that do it though should actually learn the methods though because I dont think any credible method encourages to let a hungry baby cry.
So you are planning on moving your LO into a giant room and crib that it doesn't know without mommy and daddy, and take away it's soothing methods (paci, swaddling, feedings) all at one time? That is so sad! Take it one step at a time, please. I would start by putting LO in the crib with swaddle and paci and continuing the two feedings for a while just so he can get used to being in his room and feeling safe and secure.
You don't have to ignore and let her cry, there are plenty of ways non-CIO methods. You can use the 8hr mark as a guide, if she has consistently gone that long without needing a feed.
I assume you have done the research into when to do it and weighed the pros and cons since your question asks HOW to do it and not if you should. When I did sleep training with my DD at 3.5 months I put her to bed with the pacifier, but I did not replace it if she lost it. If you are concerned with MOTN feedings you can try soothing back to sleep without feeding, gradually reducing the amount you feed, or you could try leaving her a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own. It is possible that she does still need a night feeding at this age. When, I did sleep training I had a conversation with my pediatrician to hear her recommendations and read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
This is terrible advice. Sleep training at 3 months is pretty terrible parenting.
OP: too young. Waking up 2 times a night to eat is norma; (and great!) at 4 months. Feed the baby in the dark, and put her back. Soothe until she falls asleep. It's not rocket science.
Sleep training gets a bad rap, there are plenty of no cry or min cry methods. I have been sleep training since birth, I don't understand why you wouldn't. I feel like it would be much harder as they get older.
I honestly don't understand how someone can't understand the difference between being held when upset and not being held. Even if the kid is crying either way. Even as an adult, there are times (very rarely, but still, there are times) where my day goes so badly I end up crying myself to sleep. Sometimes, I'm fortunate enough to do this in the loving arms of my husband. Other times, he's not around and I cry myself to sleep alone. Which way do you think makes me feel more secure, comforted, and confident that tomorrow things will be better?
ETA: This isn't intended to be anti sleep training, but rather just a response to the idea that if the crying can't be stopped, the child should be left to "work it out themselves" because holding/soothing "makes no difference".
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
I mentioned I sleep trained since birth. My little guy has never been left alone to cry. We follow the baby whisperer system who doesn't believe in CIO.
I mentioned I sleep trained since birth. My little guy has never been left alone to cry. We follow the baby whisperer system who doesn't believe in CIO.
I read the baby whisperer. While it all sounded great and total do-able, my little guy often had other ideas. For example he liked to cluster feed in the evening, all evening. So Eat, Play, Sleep didn't always work for us. He would also get hungry again before sleep during the day sometimes. But there were lots of great tips in the book. Shit you not though, baby and I were both happier when I put down the book and just met his needs, as he needed them. Every baby is SO different. Some are going to be able to find ways to self sooth to sleep (mine found his thumb at a very young age, until I introduced an A&A lovey blanket) and others are just going to have more difficulty, period. Not all babies are going to be able to do the eat, play, sleep idea- there's things like colic and reflux that mess with that. Some babies really are just able to settle a lot easier than others. Period.
I think one needs to be careful using the word "sleep training" - I agree that it often gets a bad wrap! The problem is that some people see it as only CIO. It also depends on what the person defines "sleep training" as. Some think of it as "teaching" the baby to STTN, you can't teach them that, they will do it when they can but you sure can give them opportunities to learn to self sooth on their own by using various gentle methods but some will catch on easier than others. (For example use of pacifiers, loveys, white noise etc... ) My son can fall asleep independently and STTN but sometimes he still needs me, for whatever reason, so I do what I need to do to comfort him or help him fall asleep. Other people think of sleep training as getting the baby to fall asleep independently which can happen but they still may need to wake up to eat for a long time, and that is OK too. To me, methods which manipulate feeds (especially dropping night feeds) where you don't let the baby's natural nutritional needs lead your way, are inappropriate and could inhibit the baby's ability to thrive. For example, doesn't the baby whisperer book suggest giving more milk during the day if baby starts to wake at night? That's all fine and dandy IF the baby will take more, but some won't or can't. Their tummies are so small and they are growing so quickly!! It is completely normal and healthy for babies to wake to eat for a long time. Some will say at least until they start solids around 6m. But every baby is different! This can't be forgotten. In the end, like I said, I think the notion of "sleep training" just has to be taken with caution. It's great to start healthy sleep habits right from the start which include bed and nap time routines, helping baby identify day from night feeds, a healthy sleeping environment etc.. etc.. but otherwise manipulating the baby's natural needs for sleep and food is wrong, IMO. Routines (flexible, not rigid) are good, schedules, not so much. Happy babies have their needs met WHEN they need them to, not based on what the mother wants.
p.s. my fave book so far has been the "no-cry sleep solution" book!
Are any of you actually reading this?? It is not a she. This post is from the father. And he said that he left out that they do go in there to soothe the baby, they just don't pick the LO up. Everyone on here is just pushing their beliefs in a cruel way. He asked for advice not criticism. As parents we are all too quick to judge but everyone parents differently. You all are disgusted by the words sleep train but that is what it is called! You don't just train dogs. Adults are trained to do jobs ect. It's not meant to be a negative word. It just means to teach.
My advice is to not get rid of the swaddling, pacifier, and move to the crib all at once. I stopped swaddling my LO at 4 months. She decided on her own at 6 months she no longer wanted the pacifier. She still co sleeps with me but that is because she and I both enjoy it. However she does sleep in her crib sometimes, but if she cries for more than 10-15 minutes (she's 9 months old now) I know that she is not ready for bed and we go play/snuggle for a bit longer then try again. Best of luck to you, your wife, and LO! And do what you think is right for your child because you know her better than all the judgmental strangers on here!!
My daughter used sleep swaddled and with a paci...she gave them up on her own. She refuses to take a pacifier and hates being swaddled. Babies are smarter than we give them credit for. They will let you know when they want something or don't want something. I wouldn't rush the pacifier thing or swaddling thing. I'm not condoning letting a 2 year old run around with a paci in their mouth but a 4 1/2 month old...you're still okay. I wish my daughter still took a paci...she gets fussy 4-5 times a night and just wants to suckle on me! And she's almost 10 months old! Count your blessings and enjoy this time. Before you know it, she won't need you as much for some things and trust me...it's sad. Please go to your daughter when she cries...she wouldn't cry if she didn't want or need you. I know the lack of sleep sucks, trust me! But out children need us and love us and they don't understand that they are causing us little-no sleep. It's hard being a parent. Stick with your parenting instincts...unless of course they are telling you to let your 4 1/2 month old cry for 30 minutes...probably not a good idea.
I assume you have done the research into when to do it and weighed the pros and cons since your question asks HOW to do it and not if you should. When I did sleep training with my DD at 3.5 months I put her to bed with the pacifier, but I did not replace it if she lost it. If you are concerned with MOTN feedings you can try soothing back to sleep without feeding, gradually reducing the amount you feed, or you could try leaving her a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own. It is possible that she does still need a night feeding at this age. When, I did sleep training I had a conversation with my pediatrician to hear her recommendations and read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
This is terrible advice. Sleep training at 3 months is pretty terrible parenting.
OP: too young. Waking up 2 times a night to eat is norma; (and great!) at 4 months. Feed the baby in the dark, and put her back. Soothe until she falls asleep. It's not rocket science.
Like I said... I consulted my pediatrician. Meaning I asked someone other than strangers on the internet... you know, people whose opinion I care about.
I assume you have done the research into when to do it and weighed the pros and cons since your question asks HOW to do it and not if you should. When I did sleep training with my DD at 3.5 months I put her to bed with the pacifier, but I did not replace it if she lost it. If you are concerned with MOTN feedings you can try soothing back to sleep without feeding, gradually reducing the amount you feed, or you could try leaving her a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own. It is possible that she does still need a night feeding at this age. When, I did sleep training I had a conversation with my pediatrician to hear her recommendations and read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
This is terrible advice. Sleep training at 3 months is pretty terrible parenting.
OP: too young. Waking up 2 times a night to eat is norma; (and great!) at 4 months. Feed the baby in the dark, and put her back. Soothe until she falls asleep. It's not rocket science.
Like I said... I consulted my pediatrician. Meaning I asked someone other than strangers on the internet... you know, people whose opinion I care about.
pediatricians are medical doctors. Not developmental psychologists. It's two different things. We had someone on my BMB whose pediatrician suggested CIO at her 2 month appointment.
Oh, and OP, there are other reasons besides hunger that might keep a baby from sleeping, or wake her up in the MOTN. First tooth comes in between 4-7 months. Prepare for major sleep disturbance! This is why sleep training at this age is pointless - they are developing so fast and going through so many changes. Even if sleep training did work, sleep is going to get disrupted by teething, growth spurts, illness, travel...
They do have different degrees. Degrees that both require the study of child development. Degrees not possessed by most ladies on TB.
Wow I'm in shock how rude so many of you moms are. This mom is clearly just trying to get some advice she doesn't need you bashing her. Weren't you ever taught if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. You can disagree and explain why without being rude! Anyway, my son is also 4 1/2 months old and I just started slowly letting him cry up to 20 minutes at night. I know he's not hungry because he can go up to 7-8 hour without eating. And yes he does soothe himself back to sleep and will continue to sleep another 2-3 hours after that. I was very against letting him cry but once I realized after multiple times going in and giving him a bottle and after 2 sucks he was asleep again that he was just using the nipple as a crutch. So if he eats and wakes up less than 4-5 hours after eating it him go. Of course if he i really hysterical I go in and soothe him but 90% of the time he will go back to sleep. Hope this helps!
I won't be harsh like some of these people. Maybe if you just stop one thing at a time for a smoother transition. Like stop the swaddling first (or whatever else works for you). my baby girl hasn't been swaddled since about 2 mo, she doesn't even care for it. But she does prefer sucking on something (boob or paci) to sleep. Also, don't expect to keep moving forward. Sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back. & that's okay. Stressful, but okay. & I get the whole "30 min cry in an attempt to teach self soothing" thing. Every desperate parent tries it at least once or twice. Personally I don't think that works this early in the game. It's just trial & error. Listen to advice, think which one would work best with your baby's temperament, try it out, & hopefully it works. If not, then try again! It's you & your baby learning each other, be positive about it. Learn & love.✌
I'm actually very disappointed in many of the mothers or fathers responses to this question. While I do not believe in the CIO method, there is absolutely no reason for the berating, criticizing, and judging of another mother/father who is needing some support. He/she didn't ask for your opinion on the CIO method, but yet you all choose to tell he/she is a horrible parent. You should be ashamed of yourselves as I'm sure you would feel awful about yourself if someone said the same things many of you are saying in this post.
With that said, let me address the actual issue at hand. I agree that if you want to transition the LO to the crib, taking the paci and swaddle away may be too much all at one time. I would spread out the transitions for each first starting with the crib, then the swaddle a month later, then the paci after that if you feel it is necessary. I also strongly disagree with some of the posts on here saying its too early to get you LO on a sleep schedule. We moved my daughter to her crib when she was 3 weeks and she has been sleeping great ever since. It was the best thing we could have done for her and us. We changed her to using a HALO swaddle sack around the same time and give her a paci every night. We do have to go and put the paci back in a few times before she finally falls asleep for the night. She is currently 4 months old and sleeps from 8pm to 6am every night without waking and has been sttn since 12 weeks. We try to have her down between 7:30-8:00 pm every night. It's bath, bottle, swaddle, feed, paci, and bed. When she gets swaddled, she knows it's time for bed and she gets into that mode. She has been on that schedule since 10 weeks old and it works for both her and us. Just do what works best and everything else will come. Each child is different. Good luck.
Wow I'm in shock how rude so many of you moms are. This mom is clearly just trying to get some advice she doesn't need you bashing her. Weren't you ever taught if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. You can disagree and explain why without being rude! Anyway, my son is also 4 1/2 months old and I just started slowly letting him cry up to 20 minutes at night. I know he's not hungry because he can go up to 7-8 hour without eating. And yes he does soothe himself back to sleep and will continue to sleep another 2-3 hours after that. I was very against letting him cry but once I realized after multiple times going in and giving him a bottle and after 2 sucks he was asleep again that he was just using the nipple as a crutch. So if he eats and wakes up less than 4-5 hours after eating it him go. Of course if he i really hysterical I go in and soothe him but 90% of the time he will go back to sleep. Hope this helps!
I can go 7-8 hours without needing to eat too but sometimes I fucking get hungry.
If you read the post in its entirety, you'd see that she said she put the bottle in his mouth and he was out after two sucks. Clearly he wasn't hungry and just wanted the comfort of sucking. Everychild is different and every mother/father knows what is best for and how to best soothe their child.
Just to clarify one thing, I am the dad, not mom. Maybe out expectations were not realistic and we were not going the right way about it. But many posters here, if not most, showed to be very harsh and insensitive.
Thanks for the posters that responded in a understanding, thoughtful, adult manners. No one has to agree with me, but there is no reason to be rude. I also think that some moms here are stay-at-home and don't understand how hard it is for my wife (and other working moms) to be sleep deprived and have to go to work.
We very much care about our little one. We do countless hours of research online and through books, ask doctors and other friends about stuff...I think my initial post came out wrong.
Our pediatrician (very reputable, UCSF) said that this would be the time to move her into her own room and crib. That if we waited longer this transition would be much harder for us and the baby.
We have to stop swaddling because she started rolling recently (see, we do care about APA recommendations). We initially had given her a lovey and she loved it. It's something for her to hold and comforts her. But then again, it's something APA recommends against. I actually asked my wife to stop giving her the lovey. I wonder if there is a safe lovey or toy with no risk of suffocation?
Anyway, maybe she is not ready to be sleep trained yet, but we have noticed that sometimes she is not that hungry and is more interested in the breast for comfort. I think that's one of the signs that that one feeding in the middle of the night 2 or 3am might not be so needed.
Anyway, we will figure out, just tired now and very disappointed at this forum.
Sleep training is not recommended for infants under 6mos old. Sleep "shaping" can be worked on but shouldn't be rigid. I just attended 2 seminars on this in the last 2wks. Have you read 'The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle ways to help your baby sleep through the night' by Elizabeth Pantley or 'Good Night Sleep Tight' by Kim West. Both are great resources and use non tear-based methods to help your LO learn to self-soothe & eventually put themselves back to sleep after night awakenings.
Well hats off to all you cynical moms of the year. The woman asked normal, first time mom questions. She's not a horrible mother nor are we all supposed to go exactly by the book. Life is a learning process. The baby will not melt or turn into an emotionless person for being allowed to cry it out for three nights. I feel more agony for the mother that had to read all your disgusting comments. I'm assuming when things "don't go by the books" for all you, you will know just what to do, never call a doctor, ask for advice or cry a little. Because you're all perfect mothers. As we all should be right?
Well hats off to all you cynical moms of the year. The woman asked normal, first time mom questions. She's not a horrible mother nor are we all supposed to go exactly by the book. Life is a learning process. The baby will not melt or turn into an emotionless person for being allowed to cry it out for three nights. I feel more agony for the mother that had to read all your disgusting comments. I'm assuming when things "don't go by the books" for all you, you will know just what to do, never call a doctor, ask for advice or cry a little. Because you're all perfect mothers. As we all should be right?
Reading comprehension failure on your part. The OP is Dad, not Mom. He came bak to re-iterate that and referred to his wife multiple times.
Consistency is key with all ages of children from birth to adulthood. I am NOT a fan of CIO for several reasons. But I AM a SAHM. So, I have the luxury of getting up every 3.5 hrs when my son wants to nurse. I hope you don't become discouraged by the reprimands you have already received. You obviously care enough to seek advice. I wish I had the magic answer. All babies are different. Consistent bedtime routine is key. If you swaddle at night, have the daycare swaddle. She is your LO, not theirs. if you are concerned about her hips then may I suggest a sleep sack. Take one to the daycare as well. Naptime and nighttime should be similar. If a baby naps better then nighttime sleep is better. I found a website for no-tears sleep training. Please remember, your LO's sleep habits may change with every milestone reached. We moved our son from bassinet to crib at 3 months. The monitor sits by my side of the bed. I get up every time he cries (not whimpers but cries) and either soothe him or nurse him back to sleep. I agree to only make one change at a time so that you don't shock your LO. We use white noise and a consistent bedtime routine. Sometimes he wakes only once and there are times I'm in his room five times. Again, I have the luxury of being a SAHM. It's rough. Hang in there. Kudos to you as a dad looking g for advice!
Just to clarify one thing, I am the dad, not mom. Maybe out expectations were not realistic and we were not going the right way about it. But many posters here, if not most, showed to be very harsh and insensitive.
Thanks for the posters that responded in a understanding, thoughtful, adult manners. No one has to agree with me, but there is no reason to be rude. I also think that some moms here are stay-at-home and don't understand how hard it is for my wife (and other working moms) to be sleep deprived and have to go to work.
We very much care about our little one. We do countless hours of research online and through books, ask doctors and other friends about stuff...I think my initial post came out wrong.
Our pediatrician (very reputable, UCSF) said that this would be the time to move her into her own room and crib. That if we waited longer this transition would be much harder for us and the baby.
We have to stop swaddling because she started rolling recently (see, we do care about APA recommendations). We initially had given her a lovey and she loved it. It's something for her to hold and comforts her. But then again, it's something APA recommends against. I actually asked my wife to stop giving her the lovey. I wonder if there is a safe lovey or toy with no risk of suffocation?
Anyway, maybe she is not ready to be sleep trained yet, but we have noticed that sometimes she is not that hungry and is more interested in the breast for comfort. I think that's one of the signs that that one feeding in the middle of the night 2 or 3am might not be so needed.
Anyway, we will figure out, just tired now and very disappointed at this forum.
You really need to get of your high horse. So a SAHM doesn't work as hard? We wouldn't understand because your wife has a fancy pants job???? Guess what, even as a SAHM I still need to function during the day, keep the household up and care for my infant and lots of SAHMs also have a toddler or two to care for. How is that for hard work? You think we don't understant??? But regardless how hard it is for me, I will not just abandon my child to cry out of selfish reasons like you and your wife are doing. Yes even if you come into the room when she cries, if she needs to be picked up and is not soothes by mere presence in the room, then you NEED TO PICK HER UP! Nobody is against moving a baby to her room/crib. Everybody is against you letting her cry and not picking her up and trying to sleep train her. Maybe instead of acting the misunderstood victim, you and your wife should think long and hard about the choices you are making and maybe the fact there is so much backlash to your methods actually means they are not right.
Ok...so yes I agree that when your baby cries, it's for some reason(needing food, clean diaper or just to be loved on etc). Getting into a nightly routine is what you need to stick to! babies love routines! I think this would help out a lot! On another note though, I never thought so many women would be so rude on here! This poor person is looking for ADVICE not to be bashed! I'm sure these people are very grateful they have this little baby! Maybe they are first time parents!!(we don't all have the answers especially when we don't know what were doing when were new parents!) to all who bashed you should be ashamed!
Okay, so now that you've been properly lambasted... I'm sure you're not
a sadistic monster -- just a newbie trying to figure it all out.
Libraries are great. The No Cry Solution is a godsend. Follow your gut
-- I'm sure letting the baby cry for that long was hard! Good luck.
Time flies and this will soon be a distant memory.
Ok...so yes I agree that when your baby cries, it's for some reason(needing food, clean diaper or just to be loved on etc). Getting into a nightly routine is what you need to stick to! babies love routines! I think this would help out a lot! On another note though, I never thought so many women would be so rude on here! This poor person is looking for ADVICE not to be bashed! I'm sure these people are very grateful they have this little baby! Maybe they are first time parents!!(we don't all have the answers especially when we don't know what were doing when were new parents!) to all who bashed you should be ashamed!
He is looking for advice on how to to make his life easier by harming a baby. Yes yes letting her cry for 30 mins is harming her. he deserved every ounce of backlash he received .
Other people have already made it very clear on here... But you are correct, OP, this is NOT a safe place to get advice without judgement. I would never ask a question of any kind of the mothers (and possibly fathers) of thebump.com. Talk to a trusted doctor or even family member.
The only reason I even stumbled on this hate filled judgement thread is because it showed up on my monthly newsletter for some stupid reason.
Good luck to you!
Wow....i'm really disappointed in the reaction from some readers!
Skubaman, I am so sorry that you didn't get the reaction and support you
deserve. Some ppl just have no class and no way to help others in need in
a constructive way. Others gave wonderful advice and provided tools that you
can start now and carry through as your babe gets older. At 4.5 months, I
wouldn't expect to be able to sleep much longer than you already have, but
giving her the tools/routines (bedtime story, bath, jammies/lotion, dark during night feedings, no talking, sound machine, sleep sack)now can be helpful in the long run. I understand the
'train' maybe a harsh word to some people but that's the terminology that is
out there and given to new parents....don't shoot the messenger!Everyone is new to
parenting at some point and seeks advice, sometime you take it and sometimes
you don't but it's really sad when you get harassed for not wording something
'correctly' or from just making a new parent mistake. Nobody is perfect
and they should be ashamed of themselves for how THEY were acting!! .
I have 8 month old twins and it's really an individual basis as to
when they start sleeping longer, and it just gets easier with time. Baby boy
will sleep for 8-10 hours without needing attention (although it was a recent
change from eating 2 times a night), but baby girl sometimes eats 2-3 times a
night still. They were really hungry and ate a full feeding each time.
Agreed, that if they wake up to feed and they eat a good amount then they
really were hungry! If they don't, they may need changed or just want
attention. A really big bottle and oatmeal or rice cereal (once they start
eating foods) before bed assures they have a full belly and will
sleep longer. I don't know the 'right' answer on when is good to CIO. And
don't feel like you will ever have a majority opinion on when is right for you.
Listen to your doctor and listen to your heart. In my opinion it's a little too
early before they are 6 months. Take it or leave it ;-) My experience has shown
me that If it's the middle of the night, and all of your major needs are met
(fed, changed, cuddled), they just may need to cry a little to put themselves
to sleep. We started giving more time before rushing in once they were 6 months
old. I feel like they learn to depend on that attention and never learn
to self soothe. I agree with another reader that made a comment that at each
developmental stage, all planning seems to go out the window and you start a
new plan. We just keep our basic
routines for bed and middle of sleep supports the same.
In regards to transitioning to the crib, now is good! Nothing
wrong with doing that now. However, I do agree that taking away all of the
supports already given (swaddle, paci) would be overwhelming for her. I
would work on one at a time and see what she can live with/without. Both my
babies were swaddled until they learned to roll and LOVED feeling so secure!
Around 5 months we started to fade away the swaddling by taking one arm out and
eventually both arms with the 'swaddle' around their middle. Now they use
a sleep sack to keep them warm. I cannot attest to the paci b/c both of my kids
rejected it.
When thinking of a schedule, babies are aware that things are
different for the environment they are in. (hence, why some older kids behave
different at home vs. school and vice versa). As long as you set a schedule you
want and stick to it, your child will get accustomed to how you expect things
to be. I usually wake my kids up to leave for the sitter around 6:30 and she
feeds them again at 7:30. But on the weekends, I let them sleep until they wake
up and feed them then. If they wake up before 6, I feed them and put them back
in bed. They might lightly fuss or try to play for a couple minutes but usually
go back to sleep with a full belly. However, I do follow the schedule that the
babysitter adheres to so they keep the same timeframe of eating and sleeping
for continuity.
Sorry for my rant! Hope that helpsJ Best of luck with your LO.
I have never replied to any posts, but feel I must now. You all are just the meanest bunch of people ever. He's just asking for advice, but instead you all decide to rip him apart, only saw one person give advice everyone else was cruel. You all should be ashamed of judging another parent. Plus, there are many books on sleep training out there and many say to start as early as three months.
I would just say two things. First, I've loved the suggestion I saw elsewhere on these boards that to help with transitioning to the crib you tuck a couple of rolled up swaddle blankets on each side of where baby sleeps to help the crib feel a little cozier. It really helped us make a smooth transition. Second, I'd suggest since you know what time you want baby to wake in the morning, start your bedtime routine twelve hours before. So if you want her up around 6 AM maybe start dimming the lights and turning off electronics and getting things quieter and so on around 6 PM. It's not to get her to sleep twelve hours but offers time to wind down as she gets the ques through the bedtime routine that sleep is coming. We do this with our LO and it typically takes him about an hour to an hour and a half before he's in his crib asleep and then give or take a wake up or two for diaper and bottle depending on what's going on, he sleeps through eight hours most nights. He's just over 4 months.
I have never replied to any posts, but feel I must now. You all are just the meanest bunch of people ever. He's just asking for advice, but instead you all decide to rip him apart, only saw one person give advice everyone else was cruel. You all should be ashamed of judging another parent. Plus, there are many books on sleep training out there and many say to start as early as three months.
You do realize this post was from a year ago right?
Re: Sleep training questions
I understand training works for some but we have chosen not to do it in our house. Those that do it though should actually learn the methods though because I dont think any credible method encourages to let a hungry baby cry.
ETA: This isn't intended to be anti sleep training, but rather just a response to the idea that if the crying can't be stopped, the child should be left to "work it out themselves" because holding/soothing "makes no difference".
My advice is to not get rid of the swaddling, pacifier, and move to the crib all at once. I stopped swaddling my LO at 4 months. She decided on her own at 6 months she no longer wanted the pacifier. She still co sleeps with me but that is because she and I both enjoy it. However she does sleep in her crib sometimes, but if she cries for more than 10-15 minutes (she's 9 months old now) I know that she is not ready for bed and we go play/snuggle for a bit longer then try again. Best of luck to you, your wife, and LO! And do what you think is right for your child because you know her better than all the judgmental strangers on here!!
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
With that said, let me address the actual issue at hand. I agree that if you want to transition the LO to the crib, taking the paci and swaddle away may be too much all at one time. I would spread out the transitions for each first starting with the crib, then the swaddle a month later, then the paci after that if you feel it is necessary. I also strongly disagree with some of the posts on here saying its too early to get you LO on a sleep schedule. We moved my daughter to her crib when she was 3 weeks and she has been sleeping great ever since. It was the best thing we could have done for her and us. We changed her to using a HALO swaddle sack around the same time and give her a paci every night. We do have to go and put the paci back in a few times before she finally falls asleep for the night. She is currently 4 months old and sleeps from 8pm to 6am every night without waking and has been sttn since 12 weeks. We try to have her down between 7:30-8:00 pm every night. It's bath, bottle, swaddle, feed, paci, and bed. When she gets swaddled, she knows it's time for bed and she gets into that mode. She has been on that schedule since 10 weeks old and it works for both her and us. Just do what works best and everything else will come. Each child is different. Good luck.
Make a pregnancy ticker
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Wow....i'm really disappointed in the reaction from some readers! Skubaman, I am so sorry that you didn't get the reaction and support you deserve. Some ppl just have no class and no way to help others in need in a constructive way. Others gave wonderful advice and provided tools that you can start now and carry through as your babe gets older. At 4.5 months, I wouldn't expect to be able to sleep much longer than you already have, but giving her the tools/routines (bedtime story, bath, jammies/lotion, dark during night feedings, no talking, sound machine, sleep sack) now can be helpful in the long run. I understand the 'train' maybe a harsh word to some people but that's the terminology that is out there and given to new parents....don't shoot the messenger! Everyone is new to parenting at some point and seeks advice, sometime you take it and sometimes you don't but it's really sad when you get harassed for not wording something 'correctly' or from just making a new parent mistake. Nobody is perfect and they should be ashamed of themselves for how THEY were acting!! .
I have 8 month old twins and it's really an individual basis as to when they start sleeping longer, and it just gets easier with time. Baby boy will sleep for 8-10 hours without needing attention (although it was a recent change from eating 2 times a night), but baby girl sometimes eats 2-3 times a night still. They were really hungry and ate a full feeding each time. Agreed, that if they wake up to feed and they eat a good amount then they really were hungry! If they don't, they may need changed or just want attention. A really big bottle and oatmeal or rice cereal (once they start eating foods) before bed assures they have a full belly and will sleep longer. I don't know the 'right' answer on when is good to CIO. And don't feel like you will ever have a majority opinion on when is right for you. Listen to your doctor and listen to your heart. In my opinion it's a little too early before they are 6 months. Take it or leave it ;-) My experience has shown me that If it's the middle of the night, and all of your major needs are met (fed, changed, cuddled), they just may need to cry a little to put themselves to sleep. We started giving more time before rushing in once they were 6 months old. I feel like they learn to depend on that attention and never learn to self soothe. I agree with another reader that made a comment that at each developmental stage, all planning seems to go out the window and you start a new plan. We just keep our basic routines for bed and middle of sleep supports the same.
In regards to transitioning to the crib, now is good! Nothing wrong with doing that now. However, I do agree that taking away all of the supports already given (swaddle, paci) would be overwhelming for her. I would work on one at a time and see what she can live with/without. Both my babies were swaddled until they learned to roll and LOVED feeling so secure! Around 5 months we started to fade away the swaddling by taking one arm out and eventually both arms with the 'swaddle' around their middle. Now they use a sleep sack to keep them warm. I cannot attest to the paci b/c both of my kids rejected it.
When thinking of a schedule, babies are aware that things are different for the environment they are in. (hence, why some older kids behave different at home vs. school and vice versa). As long as you set a schedule you want and stick to it, your child will get accustomed to how you expect things to be. I usually wake my kids up to leave for the sitter around 6:30 and she feeds them again at 7:30. But on the weekends, I let them sleep until they wake up and feed them then. If they wake up before 6, I feed them and put them back in bed. They might lightly fuss or try to play for a couple minutes but usually go back to sleep with a full belly. However, I do follow the schedule that the babysitter adheres to so they keep the same timeframe of eating and sleeping for continuity.
Sorry for my rant! Hope that helpsJ Best of luck with your LO.
You do realize this post was from a year ago right?
And 3 months? Show me a link that says that's ok?