BOTB Considerations

oxfordstreet

Hi everyone. I am super new here and after a few days of reading the thoughts and topics of others I have a few questions I would really like to get some feedback on.

My husband and I have been together for 4.5 years, and got married this past October. Our best friends just had their first born last week, which seems to have triggered an awful lot of baby talk around our house. We have always known kids were in our future, but seeing people so close to us go through this has taken it from hypothetical to something that feels more real.

So, when you were thinking about starting a family, how much did these two elements factor into your planning:

1) Age of your husband/partner/boyfriend- my husband is 34 and I am going on 27. It's not a tremendous age difference, nor is my husband too old to have children. However, I certainly notice that if anyone has a ticking clock mentality, it is him! 

2) Career moves- I can't decide how aggressively I should be aiming for new jobs, promotions, etc if we are thinking about having a baby in the next year or so. Does anyone else feel like their decision to have children is sort of coinciding with career moves?

toribrite

We are both 29. I wanted to have one baby and have it around age 30 so we are TTC now. (Leaves enough time to have a second should I change my mind.) 

As for career, I did wait until we were both done with school and I had a good job. DH's career is still growing. He is up for a promotion next week, which would be wonderful. But if for some reason he still does not have a well paying career by the time the baby comes he will be a SAHD. 

I have known several others that were pregnant when searching for jobs and they got hired. It is not ideal, but I say go for it. Get the career you want. You're not out for THAT long if you don't want to be. 

Wine&Cupcakes

I agree, both are important.

For us, DH is 16mos younger than me. He is 28 (29 next week) and I am 30. We also want multiple children which factors into the decision as well and would like to be done by mid-30's if all goes well. DH is pretty flexible with the kid thing but I'm a bit more on top of it. I have a chromosomal issue that will require dietary treatment pre-conception for several months as well as through pregnancy. We are aiming to start this summer and if a goes well, I will deliver our first at 31 for me.

As for jobs, I agree that FMLA and insurance should be the big deciding factors in this. However, I'm currently applying to NP school for the fall despite TTC. But will still be working and DH provides the insurance. I would rather have a baby in school than be looking for an NP job and be pregnant or have a newborn.

Just think about what financially works for you in regard to insurance and FMLA along with your goals and figure it out.

Keep in mind that there likely will never be a perfect time to have a baby, and that while you could get pregnant the first months, it could also take a year or more. It's a crapshoot so you just need to think of what works best in this current moment because you can't predict the future. Good luck!

oxfordstreet

Wine&Cupcakes said is especially true, it's ultimately something I have so little control over that there is so such thing as perfect timing. Probably why I am trying to control all the details before we seriously start TTC- stupid type A personality haha.

Wine&Cupcakes

I'm also type A so I understand!

For me, it helps to feel a bit more in control of things by learning about your body. Go to fertilityfriend.com and view the tutorials, temp, chart, read Taking Charge of your Fertility, etc.

These things will satisfy your Type A-ness once TTC!