Still bothered by babies?

BzeetyD

Preface: I am having my own baby in a month allegedly.

There is a baby here at work and it's driving me nuts from a PGAL and PAIF perspective. Mostly it's the mother (and father) parading the baby around from cube to cube, just like "hey it's us and here's our baby, she's bigger now" (this baby has been to the office like 3 times) and every one cooing and baby talking (which I generally don't do, even to the babies I am closest to).

Separately we're having my/our work baby shower in a 1/2 hour here TODAY and I'd REALLY like to effing enjoy it baby free as I endured 4 years of IF/loss pain work baby showers. It's a certain gut punch that cuts deeply and time travels to work related non-baby-having pain from these many years.

I think my coworkers are mystified that I'm not ALL UP ONZ this baby since I'm about to have my own... but damn...history people. History.

Please go home baby, before our shower. Please. I've waited 4 years for this.

ETA: from an AW perspective, I don't care if the baby is here for our shower. From a "I'd like really like to be myself and not feel internally guilty because it pains me or feel scrutinized around how I interact with this tiny person" perspective I would really like the baby to not be here.

Conclusion. Feeling guilty...and I am an evil witch.

golfrgal

You are allowed to have those thoughts and feel the pain.  A friend of mine brought her 9 month old LO to my shower and I wasn't thrilled about that, however she was seated in a corner of the room and I didn't really have to notice the LO unless she started crying.  It really wasn't that bad.  Just try to focus on your gifts and your friends/co-workers who will be focusing on you!  I think you'll probably come around to liking other babies once your own is born and in your arms.

MJC1116

Okay, I must be a major bitch/AW because even before dealing with 2IF, I had a problem with babies being at showers. The purpose of the shower was to give the new mother and her baby-to-be the love and attention and I always felt like little babies stole the show. With DD, my BFF had her baby a couple of weeks before my shower, so I told her to bring him since he was a newborn, and she shared with me that she wanted to spend time with adults celebrating me and my baby and didn't want her newborn to steal the show. I didn't realize other people felt the same was as I did! 

So, point of my ramblings, I think your feelings are perfectly valid! I would be annoyed by the parading around work...that kind of stuff just makes me grumpy.

And if I knew how to gif, I'd put a grumpy cat picture here.

(please don't flame me! ) 

Ylvelill

I must be weird, I can not get enough of babies, even during our 4 years of trying and surgeries and ivf....

I babies!

I hope however that you have a wonderful shower and are able to relax, don't feel guilty for your feelings, we all have various things to deal with. *hugs*

amb2013

I know exactly how you feel! For me it may be a different angle on the pain. I think people are testing me out to see how I react to babies. Many know of our loss so I think some people watch me around babies....possibly completely in my head...but in any event, I sympathize with your situation and also know the mixed feelings of guilt after wishing the baby to go away...

DoublePortion

How did the shower go? I do feel like it was kind of AWish of them to bring their baby to the office on your day of celebration. I just hope they didn't try to force you to hold the baby and take pics with it. That would make me uncomfortable and piss me off. Babies are super cute and all that, but I don't like holding them if I'm not close to the parents.

imoverit

I was the same way. I would not want the baby at my shower. Hope you had a good time and got lots of cool things for LO.

megs3084

I understand about the baby thing. I feel the same way. How was the shower??

BBColt78

I was the same way. My friend wanted to bring her newborn to my shower to show it off to friends because it hadn't met anyone yet. My sis gave the big "no" to babies at the shower. I totally get your point.

BzeetyD

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and sympathetic responses, I really appreciate your understanding and encouraging ways. The shower was really truly great. The baby went home ahead of it and we had a perfectly lovely time. I've been at my work for 12 years and Mister D is also well known and well liked there. People were so generous and thoughtful and we felt very humbled and blessed to have all their encouragement and support. Thanks again for really listening to what I was feeling and helping me know that it was normal and OK. You guys are fantastic.

liz4paws

I totally get you on this!!! People can be really clueless about how complex IF feelings are.

olenkapdx

I had a moment of this yesterday.  Not so much an actual baby (babies themselves don't bug me) but a friend telling me she was pregnant with her third kid.  I am very happy for her, but also had a moment in my head of "Must be so nice that it's so easy for you..."  It is less of a feeling now that I am pregnant myself, but still not something I am super proud of.

brittneyandadam

I totally get it. I'm the same way with babies...I don't coo and use the baby-voice. I talk to them like another adult and I get weird looks for it. (I'm pretty sure that's because when it comes to my cats, I get a little crazy...baby voice and all)

 I still have that twinge of anger/sadness/jealousy when I see other pregnant ladies and when people announce. And honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to let it go...war wounds, you know? And I do get kind of annoyed when people parade babies around the office. I think to myself "Ok, what's the shortest amount of time I have to dote over this kid for it to be socially acceptable." I do have to work after all.

IDK, maybe it'll change when we have our LO's...maybe it won't. But, your not alone sister :-)

FutureMrsW9

I totally get it, and you're not alone so don't feel guilty.  I still get feelings of jealousy when I see people posting about pregnancies and new babies even though I know I'm going to have my own very soon.  I don't think we'll ever completely be able to rid ourselves of IF brain.