OAD on Downton?

legalbeagle1

Did anyone watch the Downton premiere?  Lady Crawley says something to the effect of "When your only child dies, you're not a mother anymore."  I burst into tears.  My husband rolled his eyes.

JackoftheBox

You will always remain a mother!! This is a silly remark. 

Chapter79

FFFC: I don't watch it!

tifdaski84

I've never heard of that show.

That'd be like saying if both your parents, you're no longer anyone's son/daughter.

Ago

I saw that too.  It is tough, and I get where she was coming from in her grief.  The answer provided in the show by the other person was that she is a grandmother.  But yeah, even though I understand that having a child die does not mean that you aren't a parent, I'm sure it does feel that way, especially if your child is young - that role of parent is gone from your life.  Tough.

eyenigh

I cringed when I heard that, too. I definitely don't think it's true, and I've always known I only wanted one but when I hear comments like that, my ears always perk up. Even though I don't feel that way, and I couldn't be more solid in being OAD, I get sensitive about it when I hear something like that-- especially IRL. In old timey Downton Abbey, I expect poor information about childbearing/rearing and motherhood, lol.

coastalmaine

That comment bothered me too

MrsCodeMonkey

I think she said it out of grief. She feels like she lost her purpose in life and doesn't know how to find it again. She also said something along the line that she felt like it wasn't right to go to a party and laugh because it felt like she forgot him and she didn't want to do that. I'm guessing that's the line of thinking the writers were considering.

legalbeagle1

I guess I understand this comment insofar as you aren't actively mothering anyone anymore.  For me that isn't quite the same as when OADers receive comments like "What?  What if your only child dies?" (the "replacement kid" concept) but the idea that my child could die and I wouldn't actively be parenting a child anymore, with all the highs and lows that entails, is certainly a concept I struggle with.  An unpopular opinion here I know!  And clearly someone could have lots of kids and they could all die, but it seems far less likely.

eyenigh

BostonKisses2 said:

I didn't really see her comment as silly, particularly because she's coming from a place of grief.  This line of thought is something I struggle with every so often, because of the grim realities of Judith's condition, and in light of more recent events that have my heart breaking for the family.  I'd like to think that I wouldn't feel the same as Isobel, but not being in her shoes I know I can't say for sure what my reaction would be.

I definitely don't disagree that coming from that place, I would no doubt feel and think the same way as Lady Crawley. From the outside though, I know it isn't true. I think it's always easier to have that kind of conviction when you're watching it happen to someone else, though. I'm a very good advice giver and terrible at taking my own advice.