Equal attention ?

raraavis28

I'll immediately tell a fellow MoM "Don't worry if one twin is more demanding; everything will even out and the babies know you love them" etc. etc. but I've been finding myself feeling really insecure about it lately. My boys are a year old and these past few days L has been VERY demanding of my attention. He has gotten very communicative all of a sudden....he likes to pick up his toys, bring them to me and announce either what they are or make the sound they make (like "woof woof" for a dog). Or he wants me to read him the same two stories 50 times in a row. It's adorable, and I LOVE how interactive he is and how excited he is to share what he's learning. But I worry about N b/c he isn't in the same place yet....he's been focusing on walking and prefers to wander around and play by himself. When he does want my attention he'll fuss and climb into my lap and often try to push L aside (at which point L usually screams and I try to keep them from pulling hair and poking eyes out). And if I need to leave the room for whatever reason, the two of them start crying and walking after me with their arms up like they want me to pick them up. So I don't know what's going on....I'm concerned about the attention I'm giving both babies, as well as how to manage their little "tiffs" with each other, and this general separation anxiety phase they seem to be going through.

Any of you MoMs w/ kiddos this age have any words of wisdom? Is this a phase that will pass (like everything else)? Any tips for how to manage it in the meantime without scarring my kids for life? TIA!

Ylvelill

If you have the option have someone else watch one of them for a couple if hours each week, then you can give them each private time that is uninterrupted if your husband can do it, you can kill two birds with one stone and both can get special attention.

raraavis28

Ylvelill said:

If you have the option have someone else watch one of them for a couple if hours each week, then you can give them each private time that is uninterrupted if your husband can do it, you can kill two birds with one stone and both can get special attention.

I guess. I do see my mom and MIL pretty frequently; thing is, if we're all in the same house they will still both want me (at least this particular week....I do think it's a phase)....and honestly, thinking about packing up one baby to go to a grandma's house and then come back w/ the other baby and try to maintain the same routine (or go somewhere w/ just one baby for "hours") makes my head hurt. DH has a pretty demanding work schedule, but when he is home, it's great b/c the babies love their daddy and they will easily go between him and me and be perfectly fine.

Ylvelill

Yes, putting enough distance between you so they can't smell you is needed

I hope you find a routine that works for all of you.

LottaLattes

Just make sure to spend a little extra time with the less needy one and it will all be fine. Fwiw, even with different aged kids one will be needier than the other at different ages and the time gap just makes you feel less guilty. In fact, my 12yo STILL needs more attention than my 9yo and they are just fine. Some adults need less people time too and it is just ok! Don't beat yourself up, they'll tell you when they want you!

raraavis28

LottaLattes said:

Just make sure to spend a little extra time with the less needy one and it will all be fine. Fwiw, even with different aged kids one will be needier than the other at different ages and the time gap just makes you feel less guilty. In fact, my 12yo STILL needs more attention than my 9yo and they are just fine. Some adults need less people time too and it is just ok! Don't beat yourself up, they'll tell you when they want you!

Thanks, Lotta!