DC no big deal right? — The Bump
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DC no big deal right?

Yesterday I picked DD up from her class and was waiting for her to get down the stairs while standing infront of DS's room.  He's 20 months and in a room with kids 1 1/2- 2 1/2.  I heard a teacher yell at one of the boys, could have been my son but I didn't hear the name too clearly, and there is another boy with the same name.  She told him to "stop that and come here now!"  Then I heard her tell another teacher "he's really in the terrible 2s, he was pulling her hair."  When I walked in everyone seemed happy, no little girl screaming, no little boy pouting, and the teacher quickly smiled and said "look mommy's here" so I'm not sure how serious the situation even was.  I worked in a daycare so I know things happen that really shouldn't and I teach middle school now so I know how hard it is too keep your patience sometimes.  It just really bothered me to hear someone yelling at a child, baby in my opinion, that wasn't their's so harshly.

I would assume if someone was screaming at your kid you'd also be upset, so I wont ask that, but do you think this is just something that happens or is it something I should bring up with the director?  I've never heard the kids being spoken to like that in the past, but alot of times they see me on the video and have DS ready by the time I get down with DD, so they know to be on their best behavior.  

Re: DC no big deal right?

  • If it was just that one phrase (like "stop it right now") in a raised tone, I wouldn't do anything. If it was a true yelling tirade I would mention it. But first I would try to observe a little more.
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  • I would oberve a little more.  I was taken back at my daughter's daycare the first day I picked her up  I went in around 5 and they were starting to break down the rooms there was one teacher and kids running everywhere not listening, a little girl got physical with my DD, I saw the teacher pick a boy up fom behind  who was trying to ecapse I was ready to run.  It has not been like that since I think it was just a bad day. 
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  • I guess it was just the tone that bothered me and the demand "come here now!"  I could understand it more if it was coming from my daughters class with the 3 and 4 year olds who understand they're doing something wrong, but I just see my son as a baby and I think at his age it's more appropriate to stop them and explain that they're doing something wrong and they're hurting something rather than shouting at them.
  • I guess it was just the tone that bothered me and the demand "come here now!"  I could understand it more if it was coming from my daughters class with the 3 and 4 year olds who understand they're doing something wrong, but I just see my son as a baby and I think at his age it's more appropriate to stop them and explain that they're doing something wrong and they're hurting something rather than shouting at them.
  • This is tough.  I'd actually have to hear what was said and how she said it to know how I'd react. 

    I often use a stern voice in my daycare setting, but over a ten year career I can count the number of times I'd actually yelled on one hand.  All of those instances were with older children and the tone was employed to get their attention when I was being deliberately ignored.  I've never screamed. 

    On occasion I've had a parent complain about how I've spoken to a child, but usually they were the kind of parents who never told their kid no and spoke to them with a lot of rising intonation.  Every piece of instruction was a question.  "Ok Sally, ready to go?  It's time to go  Let's put out coat on.  Do you want to put your coat on?"  When I want a child to do something I use a low, slow tone and make an imperative statement.  "Sally, it's time to go home now.  Get your coat and put it on please"  It always works and most of my clients are amazed by it's effectiveness, but some people think it sounds mean.  Sorry, this is kind of a tangent, what I'm getting at is that what is a stern voice to me might be yelling to you.  It's relative, you know?  

    If it was the end of the day, chances are the teacher was stressed and tired and suffered a momentary lapse of judgment.  I'd also try to observe and see if it happens again, but if your child seems happy to go there it's probably fine.

     

     

  • Seeing how quickly kids go from playing nicely to biting each other - I totally believe that kid could have been pulling the girl's hair and then not the next second. If the teachers were on the ball, they may have stopped him before he caused her any tears or pain. Shouting "stop that now!" is totally appropriate in that context, IMO. Their shouting and stopping the boy in his tracks may have been the exact reason why you didn't see chaos and tears as soon as you walked in. 

    There are some serial biters in my daughter's class and even I've yelled "No!! Don't do that!" across the room at some one else's kid who was mid-bite into my daughter's arm. It startled the other girl, got mine to jump back, and saved my kid from being bruised yet again by these little vampires. I'm not saying shouting should be your primary discipline tactic, but I think it's useful when preventing an accident that's already in motion - a kid walking into the street, about to slam the door on his finger, or about to bite or hit another one. The teachers try to stick close by to the kids with serial behavioral problems but you can't stand next to the kid literally all day - some times you have to raise your voice if you're more than a step away. It's not like they yelled insults at the kid, they just told him to stop attacking another kid - that's legit in my opinion and as the parent, I'd appreciate that whether my kid is the one pulling some one's hair or the one getting pulled. 
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  • Based on the way it reads, I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe the boy she was yelling at wasn't responding to calmer directives earlier so the only way to get his attention was by raising her voice. I've noticed even with my 10-month-old that a yell from me (in general, not at him- except when he bit me and ai just cried out in pain) will startle him enough to look straight at me. I would try to observe again and see if it happens again. If not, it was probably just a one time thing.

    If it does, I would go to the teacher directly rather than escalate to the director- I would only escalate to the director immediately in the event of a safety hazard. Just ask for a private conference and express concerns calmly. If it continues after that, then go to the director.
     
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  • "Stop that, come here now" is perfectly acceptable to me, even for a toddler. Unless she was hysterically screaming it, I think you're overreacting.
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  • If it were my daughter getting her hair pulled, I would want the little boy to get yelled!!
  • Maybride2 said:
    "Stop that, come here now" is perfectly acceptable to me, even for a toddler. Unless she was hysterically screaming it, I think you're overreacting.


    Totally agree.  Maybe the kid who was being yelled at was hurting another kid or doing something dangerous.  Totally appropriate. 

    But I'm a person who doesn't believe in putting up with much crap from kids.  IMO, they need to be taught to be respectful.  Period.  

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