Loss @ 24w and dumb question

MCH77

First, sorry I'm posting from my phone and there is no description of this board on here. I think this is an appropriate place to post. When I was an active poster (TTCAL, PgAL, PAL) this board had just come out, so hopefully this is appropriate.

In 2010 I had a missed mc at 12w (baby measured 8w) and May 2013 I had a cp. I'm blessed to have had my beautiful DS in July 2011.

Two days ago I went in for my Regular 24w check up and they couldn't find the hb on the Doppler. Love my dr, b/c within 10 minutes I was having an u/s. Sadly it showed I lost my son (he measured 19w). It looks like I lost him within the last 2 or 3 weeks.

My heart is broken.

Today I had prep work done for the D&E. that was so fucking painful. And surgery is tomorrow.

We have named our son Timothy.

I'm a mess.

***ok dumb question. I'm currently all over the place and it came to me today that tomorrow/next week people will ask when I'm due and I'm going to lose it. It will happen at work or the store and it won't be pretty. Any suggestions on how to lose the pg belly quickly? I know that might seem vain or silly, it's just on my mind.

Well, if you made it this far... Thank you for letting be get that out.

ajsweeton

Ticker warning



First, let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in the right place as the women on this board have all experienced the loss of a child. I hope you find the love and support here you need to get through this awful time. As for your question... I'm not sure I can really help. One of the things I was most devastated about was the loss of my big belly. It was such a drastic change for me and so quick I had a hard time dealing with it. I also quickly lost weight due to depression and just not eating so I felt like I immediately no longer looked pregnant. But I'm not very small to begin with so that might contribute too.

DevonBedford

I can completely relate. While I was devastated to lose my boy and wanted nothing more than a great big, healthy baby bump to show off, I knew I couldn't face people with the bump I had after we lost Micah because it would break me when unsuspecting people would smile and say congrats and ask when I was due, etc.
I was off work for nearly 4 weeks - because I was grieving, not because of my bump, but it was gone long before I returned.
You might find it goes away quicker than you'd think, but I've recently found that exercising can be therapeutic itself. I often find myself in tears when I'm on the treadmill (in my basement). I think it's just getting the blood flowing that gets me going.

Ps. Your pg history is eerily similar to mine - it appears we've been going through almost the same things at almost the exact same time over the last 3 1/2 years.

agallagher1981

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little son. I lost my daughter at 23 weeks just 2 weeks before Christmas & also had a D&E and yes the insertion of those laminaria sticks where awful so I know exactly how you feel. I took 3 weeks out of work & returned last week & obviously not everyone heard of the loss so I did have a few awkward situations with colleagues asking how the pregnancy was going etc. I felt more sorry for them than myself. It's very true how quickly your belly will go down , mine hasn't gone back to where it was but I certainly d

agallagher1981

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agallagher1981

Sorry my finger slipped on keypad. I will send you a pm once I get to work. My thoughts & prayers are with you xxx

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your Timothy. One of the hardest things for me was taking a shower the first time and really realizing she was gone from me. I allowed my boss to send everyone at work an email about our Patricia so that made things a little bit easier there. I also posted a message on Facebook and just pretty much avoided people for a while. I hope the surgery goes smoothly today. We are here for you!

Noethola

***Siggy warning***

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son Timothy. 

I was devastated to see how quickly my body changed. It felt like it was not remembering my daughter, and felt all wrong. I didn't want my body to heal so quickly, because my head and heart were no where close to healing. 

That being said, I wore baggy clothes to hide the bump I had for a few weeks. It was winter, so I could get away with sweaters and things at work and hoodies out and about. 

I too did a FB message, so that people would not ask questions, and had my boss send out an email at work. Everyone that I was in constant contact with knew by the time I was around them again. It helped some. 

BrittianyM

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Timothy. We are here for you when ever you need us. Sending hugs your way!

VyD81

I'm sorry for the loss of your son Timothy. I hope everything will go as well as possible for you with the D&E.

bunnybun4

so sorry for the loss of your son...

I also had a D&E at 19 weeks and for me the prep day was worse than the actual procedure.  I was knocked out for the acutal procedure and recovery was not bad at all.  thinking about you tomorrow.

as for my belly, I was so subconcious about it going back down that the first question I asked the nurses AS soon as I was able to speak after my surgery was if my stomach had flattened out any.  For me it took a while to lose the weight...I just wore a lot of baggy clothes and nothing that fit straigt down my stomach.  I am still paranoid about wearing things that hug my stomach even though I am below my pre-pregnancy weight.  I made sure as many people knew as possible that we had lost her so no one would ask.  I did find that I wasn't as "big" and as obviously pregnant as I thought I was at 19 weeks. 

anyway, I am so sorry that you are going through this nightmare.  we are all here for you.  ((HUGS))

mingaling2

I'm so sorry for your loss of Timothy.

diamante1181

I'm so sorry for your loss. When I had the twins, My belly went down almost right away, so you may not have to worry too much about your appearance (nature is cruel in many ways). Big hugs to you!

shandorfml2

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Timothy ((hugs))

MCH77

Thanks ladies. Surgery went well today. I'm actually in a lot less pain now than I was this morning. I'm exhausted.

angelsnight

Ticker warning

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Timothy.  This is definitely the right place for you.  I'm so sorry to have to welcome you here, (and sorry for your previous losses as well) but I'm glad you found us.  Not a dumb question at all....somedays anonymity is our greatest gift, if we don't want strangers to know the pain we're going through, we don't have to tell them.  But a bump can give it away and force you to have to deal with it if asked, and that's so hard.

First, can you take some time off work?  My work would not give any time for the emotional aspect, but because I gave birth I was given the six weeks that is standard for L&D.  I hope your work has something like this.  Second, are you comfortable with people at your work knowing what happened?  I'm assuming they knew about your pregnancy.  My loss was at 22 weeks, and since my co-workers knew I was pregnant, I actually asked my boss to spread the word because I did not want to deal with having to tell anyone.

I'm sorry, I don't know any tips to lose the tummy quickly, but my best advice, if anyone were to ask you, is to say whatever you feel comfortable, and that may be something different every time if it happens more than once.  I honestly feel like it is rude to ask a stranger anything about her pregnancy for this very reason.  You never know what a person's situation is, and a post partum tummy after a loss is the number one reason why people should keep their mouths shut.  So my advice is, answer how you want, and if that includes "being rude" and walking away if that's what you need to do, then do it.

Big hugs to you!

MCH77

Thanks everyone.

My work knows. I'm lucky to work in a very supportive school. I see it becoming more of an issue with students/parents... Those I don't see daily. Not that they would mean to be rude, it's just known I'm pg.

Part of me never wants to return and part of me can't wait to get back (it will be a distraction). Today is not the day to decide.

I may never lose the weight. I came home from surgery to a large variety of treats from friends, family and co-workers. I guess at the end of the day a sleeve of Thin Mints can be my friend.

kflynn81

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

We ended up prepping for a D&E but the sticks and miso did too good of a job and put me into full fledged labor. Monday will be 4 weeks for us and I'm only now, somewhat, able to look at myself in our full length mirrors. I was only 20 weeks but I had a definite bump and it was gone so quick it made me so sad.

((Hugs)) to you

schulme2

diamante1181 said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. When I had the twins, My belly went down almost right away, so you may not have to worry too much about your appearance (nature is cruel in many ways). Big hugs to you!

Ditto everything! I am so sorry for your loss of Timothy. As hard as it is, Please try to be gently with yourself and your body.

sunflwra

My loss was at 20 weeks (baby measured about 16 wks), so I wasn't huge but it was my second pregnancy, so I was bigger than with my first and if anyone who knew me saw me, they would know I was pregnant.  I was induced so was lucky to get the 6 weeks approved leave for L&D.  Only took 3 but that was sadly enough time for me to go back to looking like I just had a really big lunch.  I also asked my coworkers/boss to tell anyone who may have asked about me or knew that I was pregnant.  I normally wouldn't share a lot of personal business with people but the fewer people I had to tell about it, the less breakdowns- all the better for me.  I'm sure it's tough wtih a student/parents type situation so I can't offer much advice there other than, I would hope that anyone who has been pregnant would know better than to say something.  You're always going to have those people that approach you to try to say they are sorry for what you're going through and they mean well (mine was a company executive) but crying in a public hallway at work just sucks and I wish they knew better.  The best thing you can do is try to get yourselff ok with getting upset in front of people.  The best thing my OB told us was that people will not know how to "deal" with you and they won't know what to say.  So do whatever you have to in order to get through it and know that you've just got to take it day by day. Good luck!

MCH77

agallagher1981 said:

D

MCH77

agallagher1981 said:

Sorry my finger slipped on keypad. I will send you a pm once I get to work. My thoughts & prayers are with you xxx

My computer won't let me reply to your PM! I'm hoping my DHs computer will let me reply tomorrow. Thank you for your message.

stefuge

I am so sorry for your loss. We are here whenever you need us.

Poisonives

I'm sorry for your loss.

We have a very similar story. I guess there is really no easy way to avoid it. Just keep praying for strength. My prayers for you too

Xath

*siggy warning*

So very sorry to welcome you here, and for the loss of your Timothy.  I hope you find this community to be a welcoming support for you as you go through this difficult time.  

Mrodriguez898

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Lo on Suday. At 20 weeks and I was able to hold her until she took her last breath.
All I can say is right away I noticed my belly went down a considerable amount and if you make sure to walk around as much as possible and just keep eating healthily you should lose that belly