16 Month Old Screaming Tantrums

BaabyCakee

I'm looking for advice to give my friend about her DD having tantrums. My friend asked for my advice but I wasn't really sure what to tell her just because I am a FTM and due Jan 31st. 

My friend's DD has tantrums constantly: screams, throws herself on the floor, hits, a complete handful to say the least. I saw my friend the other day when we were at a restaurant having breakfast. Her DD threw everything on the floor she could get her hands on. Would scream when told no, screamed when taken out of the high chair, more screaming when things were taken out of her reach... My poor friend was getting so overwhelmed. The people around us were staring, giving dirty looks and one woman even made a comment very loudly to her husband about how we should leave. I was trying to do my best and console her, tried helping distracting her DD, offered to take her DD outside till her DD's food came. When our food finally came my friend was telling me she didn't know what to do about her DD. Apparently she does this all the time, over anything and everything. My friend was asking me for advice but like I said, I don't even have my LO yet, she's still baking. I have an idea how I would handle my DD if she acted this way, but I was hesitant to give any advice. I suggested not to pick up DD when she has a tantrum, not giving back what ever my friend took away from her DD when DD screams (I've seen my friend do these things) After breakfast we went shopping at Carters and her DD picked up a small bag that had rubber duckies in it. When it was time for us to leave my friend tried taking the rubber duck out of her DD's hands to put them back and her DD started to scream and threw herself on the floor. What did my friend do... she gave her DD the rubber ducks back and got another on for the cashier to ring up so we could leave the store. I wanted to hit my head against a wall... I feel like my friend is just encouraging her DD's behavior. 

What would you tell your friend in this situation? 

minervacullen

She sounds like a normal toddler, they do that.
Is she getting her naps? It's just asking for a tantrum or meltdown if she isn't.
Going out to eat, especially some place where you have to sit and wait, with a toddler is not a fun or relaxing experience. You said lunch, did she already have a nap? The throwing food and being crabby makes me think not. Throwing food when they don't want to eat, even when they're hungry, is normal and something every toddler does. My guess is she was pissed, tired, bored, and that's how she was able to express herself. Did you see the throwing food post on here?

Now with the duck... She didn't understand! If you let someone that age hold something she assumes it's hers. When mom tried to take it she was like " wtf that's my new toy! Don't take my stuff!" I'd be that way too. Especially with the time of day. But you are right in her eventually connecting yelling and getting her way. Just don't give her the opportunity to find a cool new toy. If she points or grabs, say something like "oh (insert name) that's not for us." And very quickly move on. Fits will still happen, it's what toddlers do best, but it sets up for success eventually.

Patience and love will help.

traveltheworld

My DS does this too. It was really bad when he turned 14 months and we asked his pediatrician for advice - and she said just to completely ignore it. Don't give the tantrum any attention. If we are home, we move him to the corner of the room and walk away to a different part of the house. When we are out, we take him to the car (if it's close by) or we leave him where he is. Just yesterday he threw himself on the floor at the airport because he wanted to push the luggage cart off to the road. We just left him on the floor and took out our phones and pretended to read (we NEVER play on our phones when we are with him unless he is throwing a tantrum and we need to stay close to him for safety but also need him to think that we are not paying any attention to him).

DS is 18 months now and the tantrums are a lot better. Usually they last about 5 minutes, then he picks himself up and continues on. He is terrible when he is tired though.

And yes, taking a toddler out to a restaurant is not relaxing - but we do it every weekend. He only has to sit for about 40 minutes. We take him outside to play once we've ordered and are waiting for the food. He knows he is not allowed to throw food. If he doesn't want to eat, he can play with his utensils and whatever we have there. We don't force him to eat.

At a store, DS knows he can't take that stuff, just like he can't just take someone's toy when we are at a friend's house. If he throws a tantrum, so be it. We don't give in. He is pretty good about it now.

penelope28

If anyone comes up with a solution for this I will gladly listen.  My daughter is doing similar stuff lately.