Need social skills help

mommyof4boys

Matthew told Chris to "be quiet" today while we were eating because it wasn't about the topic he wanted to talk about.  I tried making him understand that isn't nice and he needs to not do that again.  He is all about what he wants to do and will not listening to what anyone else wants to do.  There's other things as well.  He's getting that "I know more than you do" vibe, talking back, arguing with me when I talk to him or give him directions, etc.  He's Sheldon at age 8.  I can't do this any more!

mommyof4boys

-auntie- said:

He's the perfect age to start with Michelle Garcia Winner's "Thinking About You Thinking About Me". Does he not get social skills of some kind in school? Are they doing Jed Baker or Skillstreaming instead of MGW?

Of course he's all about what he wants. He has autism. The word come from the root "auto" meaning self and "ism" meaning state of. Basically- it's about me. 

How fixable this is depends on a number of things. Where on the spectrum Mathew sits- is he a quirky Asperger who wants social interaction even if only on his terms or is he more a true kid with HFA who really doesn't feel drawn to people?

ToM plays into this as well. Matthew may not "get" that his comments are hurtful because he may not "get" that Chris has feelings and experiences that are independent of him. 

Does Matthew feel threatened by Chris' recent identification as gifted? If M has decided he's the smart one he may feel he needs to put C down. A lot of this could be partly garden variety older brother annoyed by the little one.

Could Matthew be depressed? Irritability is what depression looks like in prepubertal boys. They tend to be mouthy and chronically annoyed. 

Alan Sohn's book has some information about parents a know-it-all. Mine doesn't trend this way, but I know parents who have one and claim the strategy of being the word that carries rather than the final word is what matters. It's best not to engage in debates or negotiations with this kind of mindset.

mommyof4boys

The nest ate my response.

mommyof4boys

Matthew does get social skills but I believe it is Social Thinking. I asked for a social skills eval last year and was told they didn't have any specific social skills evals. I know that's not true but the person doing the social skills want that great at it. They have a new social worker this year and I am told this is her speciality. His IEP is coming up. I am going to ask she be there at his meeting. He has Aspergers. He wants to be social but doesn't know how to. He and Chris has Aspergers and Jon has PDD_NOS. Jon doesn't want to be near anyone where as Matt and Chris want to but don't know how. We 've not brought Chris' IQ in front of the kids. I want to make sure he is treated as a kid first and not thought of as a kid with a high IQ. All four boys have higher IQs. Jon's is the lowest at 116. Matt's is 118, Josh's is a point or two away from 130 and Chris' is 135+ . He has anxiety and sees a psychologist. I will have to bring it up with her. Probably not the best way to handle it but I told him to stop talking because I was not wanting to hear him and his topics. He started crying and when he I asked him if he felt unhappy and that's how Chris felt.

mommyof4boys

There were paragraphs on the iPad.

CaptainSerious

Probably not the best way to handle it but I told him to stop talking because I was not wanting to hear him and his topics. He started crying and when he I asked him if he felt unhappy and that's how Chris felt.

Butting in, but even without boys on the spectrum, I could relate to this. I can't tell you how many times trying to get my boys to feel empathy, and ended up upsetting them. Big hugs, from another mother who knows your heart is completely in the right place.

mommyof4boys

Captain Serious, Thanks. I felt like a horrible mean mom when I did that but was kinda at a breaking point. He had complained about supper, doing homework, not wanting to do specific parts of our daily routine ,etc as well. They have the social worker doing the social skills here. It's also really hard to get more. I asked for more and the director told me she would only authorize one 20 minute session every 6 day cycle. That's not meeting his needs. I have to look but I believe there is a presentation about social skills coming up in my area. The lady who is completing Jon's speech eval is a SLP who specializes in prompt therapy and social skills. It's hard because I have had to have conversations with DH because he tends to ramp up their special interests. They are all video game related and he lets them play more than I do. I limit it whereas he lets them have free roam when I'm running around on the weekends. I will have to try some other strategies to help,with the turn taking of conversations.