PPD and Breastfeeding woes

poohbear033

The last week has been very difficult. Last Wednesday I went to the OB and saw a counselor about postpartum depression. My biggest struggle is feeding DD. Breastfeeding hurt for the first week and the LC had me pump for 24 hours and bottle feed DD the pumped milk. Now at 2 weeks DD isn't gaining how they would like her to, so we have to supplement formula and I am pumping after each daytime feeding to completely empty the breasts. I know these things take a while, but I am upset about it. DH and I talked about formula feeding and we are both okay with that, but part of me is upset about all of the supplies we bought that will go to waste. It seems like something silly to worry about but I always hate wasting things that I have bought.

I also struggle at night. DH has been amazing and he gets up with her once a night to feed. The pediatrician said it is important for me to be healthy, and while she is making sure DD is getting what she needs, she is concerned about me as well. I am having a hard time balancing taking care of myself and taking care of DD. I am having trouble eating still and that is not helping with breastfeeding. I feel worse when I sleep during the day with her and it takes me almost an hour to feel better.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I have no concentration or focus right now. My counselor is having me write things down because I am getting easily confused. 

Wifey xo

Sorry love, hang in there. My boy was in the 90th percentile my entire pregnancy, so I was taken back to find out now he is now in the 15th! I do my best to BF and pump, but Enfamil has to be part of the meal plan, and that is all I can do. I totally understand it is hard to eat. DH and I try to have quick go to foods and snacks ready because there are times I get ready to make a sandwich, and my wee guy has other plans for me. I felt very emotional the first few weeks, and really just wanted my son to myself all the time. I felt very overwhelmed by too many family holiday plans. I understand that healing from giving birth, taking care of yourself, and the needs of a newborn is shocking to the body. The hormones don't help either! You are not alone. I have not experienced PPD, but I am glad you are honest with yourself, and I hope you go easy on yourself. It sounds like you and DH are giving your wee girl your best. One day at a time, love! (((Hugs))). iPad/ no paragraphs

KikiCohen

(hugs)  I have no experience with PPD, but I'm glad you've already sought help.  So many women struggle silently.  As far as BF, I had so many issues with it too.  P was only 3 1/2 pounds at birth so BF was an uphill battle that, for us, never improved or got better.  I'm so thankful for the ladies here and on my BMB that helped me through those difficult times and supported me in our switch to FF.  I hope you find the same support that I did.  (more hugs)

Mom2anAngel2

Big ((HUGS)). Your doctor is right, you need to take care of yourself in order to be there for your LO. I am sure you will figure out what is best for you, your baby, your family and you sanity in regards to feeding. Just remember that you are not alone. The first few months are the hardest, but it will get easier!

(((MORE HUGS)))

BootsOrHearts

I'm going through the same struggles. Pumping, nursing, bottle-feeding, mixing up formula, it's exhausting. I feel like a milk cow strapped to that stupid pump. I don't have the answers either, but I keep going to see LCs and the last 3 days, Baby Boots has been nursing almost exclusively, I just offer a bottle to top him off and if he takes it I pump but if he eats ok, I don't pump. So it's saving a bit of time, but still he eat every 2-2.5 hours during the day, so not much time left for things like eating and sleeping let alone anything else that needs to be done. But on the up side, the pedi now lets him sleep as long as he wants and last night he slept for 5 hours. It felt like a damn vacation!

Hang in there, I know everyone keeps saying it but it WILL get easier. Switch to FF only if it will make your life easier and you're ok with that decision. You're still feeding your baby and if it gives you more time to sleep and eat and look after yourself, then you can be a better mother to her. Save all your supplies for the next bebe. ;-)

((Hugs))

FmrAFBrat

((HUGS)) I had issues just feeding my ODS. He had jaundice, struggled to latch onto anything (breast or bottle), had weight gain issues, and tons of issues with reflux/allergies. At one point I was told to nurse him for 30 minutes and follow up with a bottle of formula and one day it all went everywhere. To top it off my MIL was there & accused me of having witches milk. It was at that point our pedi figured out he had an allergy issue.

I so badly wanted to EBF him and I wasn't able to do it ever for him. I did end up cutting out dairy and did BF and FF (Nutramagin for awhile and they we were able to switch to soy) for 5 or 6 months with him. Then it just became too much work, he was starting solids, and honestly I wanted to enjoy my time with him.

My advice is to do what works best for you & not to worry so much about wasting the the things you purchased. Maybe like PP said you could give it to someone you know. You could always do both (BF & FF) if it will make you feel better or just go to FF. You need to find what works best for you and your sanity. Please take care of yourself so that you can be the best mom for your LO. I know there's a lot of pressure to breastfeed to be a good mom, but there are plenty of GREAT moms out there who use formula.

Mmm79

I agree the first couple of weeks are brutal- and you can't know what it's like until you've been there.  Compounding that with PPD and trouble breastfeeding and no wonder you are struggling.

I agree that if you and DH are ok with formula feeding, then perhaps that could help to get one thing off of your mind.   The constant cycle of pumping, supplementing, feeding, washing everything (!) and still worrying about weight gain can be both exhausting and demoralizing.  I understand your feelings about "wasted" money, etc, but in the grand scheme of things I promise that your health and well being are SO much more important.

 

I also wanted to say that it does get better.  I remember one night collapsing into bed after feeding A and realizing I'd be up in about 1.5 hours to do it again and I thought to myself "what in the world have I gotten myself into?!".  I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted.  The first few weeks are the hardest. But it gets better.  In the meantime, I tried to have little things that felt "normal".  For instance, when we were up for the day, I'd have a big cup of my favorite imported Irish tea.   It was something I looked forward to every morning- (and at 3am as I fell into bed after another feeding). Next I would put on some music and hold A, and he would fall asleep in my arms while I read stuff online.  It was a small part of my day, but a ritual that I looked forward to and that made me feel connected to the world (and awake and warm, thanks to the tea). 

 

((Hugs))

 

Hang in there!

 

ETA: If you want to continue working at BF'ing, I agree that it does get easier and better.  I struggled a lot in the beginning (premie, NICU, pumping, tongue tie), but we got the hang of it and are still nursing at almost 11 months.  But, you have to do what is best for you, and if that formula, then go with that and have no regrets.

adoxyinherear

So many hugs. Those first few weeks are SO HARD and nobody prepares you for them. It is 100 percent okay - AND GOOD! - for you to take care of yourself while you're taking care of DD. Any help your DH or anyone else close to you can give - people want to help, trust me - will help you get through it. I'm glad you're seeing someone who understands and is supporting you, and I sincerely hope you start working towards a better place. You're doing a great job, mama!

poohbear033

Thank you ladies for all of the kind words and support. We are headed to the ped today to see if DD gained any weight. I will be discussing formula with the ped, but I still want to be able to breast feed sometimes. I just don't know how that works.

kbhaynes

I had to EP for over a month with DD because she had latching issues, but it finally just clicked one day and she got it. You are doing the best you can, and battling PPD on top of that. The first weeks can be so hard and you just don't understand until you've been there. We had to supplement some in the beginning too. Don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide to completely FF. You need to do what is best for you and your family. At least she got the colostrum in the beginning with all that good stuff in there! That's so important. I hope that she gained some weight!

poohbear033

Jessiebug81 said:

Just wanted to send some big ((hugs)). I really struggled with PPD (an still do, though it's vastly improved). BRAVO for getting help. It's a huge step. Are you taking any medication? That's is what really helped me turn the corner. Since you'll be moving on to FF it could be a good option for you. Hang in there!

@Jessiebug81 I am going to start taking medicine in about a week. I filled the prescription but haven't finished weaning, we are down to one feeding and 2 pumping sessions a day for two more days, then down to 1 and 1, then just one feeding. I should be done by the end of the week or so.