Problems at work

kaushaun

Hello Ladies....this is my first time posting on this board. I mainly used this site when I was pregnant. But occasionally come back to poke around a bit. I was hoping I could get some advice from you ladies now, as a co-worker and I are stuck in the middle of a sticky situation. We have another co-worker that is involved with our manager. And to throw another wrench into the mix, our manager's wife also works here in a different department. It is to the point to where most of the office knows about what's going on. And our co-worker and manager sit right across from eachother talking most of the day. Which interrupts our day and also makes us a bit uncomfortable with some of the things they like to talk about. The problem is, separately we like this co-worker and our manager is awesome and laid back. But since we know our manager's wife and have met our co-worker's husband, we feel somewhat obligated to tell them what's going on. But are also not sure if that's our place. So, I guess, if you were the spouse would you want to know? And if so, how would you want to be told? Or would anyone just ignore the situation? Another thing is, we are worried about someone finding out that we were the ones to "tell" on them since it does involve our manager and that could come to bite us and our careers in the butt. Thanks in advance everyone!

kaushaun

We do know that there are things going on between the two of them, as she has told us herself. And to them, they think they are flying under the radar. They don't realize how obvious they make it to everyone around them. 

VitaLuna

I'd stay out if it. Unless, like PP said, there are rules against relationships between mgmt/subordinate.. In which case I'd anonymously notify HR.

MommyAtty

As the wife I would want to know. As the co-worker or subordinate I would stay out of it. At most since the mistress has confided in you I might tell her privately that people are starting to talk. But I probably wouldn't even do that. She's obviously neither the soul of discretion nor someone with good sense who cares about her career (or yours, you should assume).

Sheesh. How stupid and destructive and immoral can people be? Sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it sucks.

VegasGal1978

I would stay out of it as well. If their talking is disruptive, you could address that , but as to their relationship, I would stay as far away from that as possible.

shannm

Stay out of it. But I would directly talk to my manager and tell him that the situation is making me uncomfortable.

groovygrl

Ugh what a crappy situation, but yeah, I think you have to stay out of it.

EastCoastBride

For the love of God - do NOT tell either of the spouses.  This is your JOB.  You don't know how that could come back and bite you.  I would NOT get involved.

IF it is an issue in the workplace, though, and you feel you're receiving unfair treatment because of this affair- report it to HR.

jjdillie

Stay out of the personal situation. These things always come to an end one way or another. I agree with PP, if the entire office knows, the wife probably knows too - she's just in denial. You can address the disruptive behavior with your boss, co-worker, or HR.

litzo27

Yep, agree with all the PP.
- Stay out.
- If this is disruptive report to HR.
- If they try to engage you (conversation, favors, etc.). cut them off "I would rather not discuss this."

mmille19

Yes Stay out of it. If she come and talks to you again just tell her that it is none of your business and you want to stay out of it. I hate office gossip and its not worth risking my job over. My job/career/family future is more important to me than someones messed up relationship. If it is disturbing your work and making you feel uncomfortable you can always take it to HR.

FemShep

Stay out of it.  Stay out of it.  Stay out of it.  

If there's something that's impacting the business (for example, constant chatting that is distracting), you can bring it up to them directly as you would with another co-worker ("John and Jane, I'm not sure if you realize it, but we can all overhear your conversations and it's very distracting and disruptive") and your manager's manager ("John and Jane have frequent conversations that are distracting and disruptive, and while I've spoken to them about it, the problem continues, so can we try a new seating arrangement?").  

Unless you walk in on them going at it in the bathroom, don't mention their extracurricular relationship in any way.  It's not impacting your work, and that's what's important here.

kaushaun

Thanks everyone for the advice! It has been really helpful. I think we will just stay out of it. If it gets any worse then maybe go to HR and see if we can get it straightened out that way. Like most of you have said, it's not worth risking my job over.

MommaP12

jjdillie said:

Stay out of the personal situation. These things always come to an end one way or another. I agree with PP, if the entire office knows, the wife probably knows too - she's just in denial. You can address the disruptive behavior with your boss, co-worker, or HR.

Exactly this.  Stay out of it because it will unravel eventually and you need your job.  Go to a neutral third party about the disruptions - like HR or another department leader.

laurakaz13

cjcouple said:

Oh and if the mistress tries to tell yu anything else, just say "You know Sue, I really would rather not hear any of this" 

Agree with this.  I would also stay out of it, but if I saw favoritism I might go to HR.