Crazy Aunt

beckylynn23

So, as much as I love support from family, I just have to vent a bit. My husband's aunt is being slightly overbearing. I know she means well, but she's getting close to crossing the line. We are not super close (we don't have lunch dates or see each other more that once every month or two at family gatherings), and she has her own family to care for (4 children from 8yrs-14yrs). When I saw her at Christmas she said the normal "if you need anything, just call me." I do appreciate her willingness, buy my own parents will be coming to help and my in-laws live 10mins away and can help with anything, as well. 

Yesterday, she sent me a text to ask how I was doing (only the 2nd text she's ever sent me), but I was working (I'm a nurse & work 12hrs shifts), so I didn't get the message until I got off work at 730pm b/c I turn my phone off at work. When I didn't answer her right away, she called my in-laws and asked if I was at the hospital in labor. Luckily, my MIL (her sister) took the call and said yes, I was at the hospital BECAUSE I WAS WORKING! (that actually kind of made me laugh!) 

We already told people that only immediate family (and my best friend) will be notified right away b/c I don't want a ton of people at the hospital. And my MIL already told her that only immediate family is allowed (love my MIL!). I'm just getting a little annoyed with it since I'm 2 days away from my due date and ready to get things rolling. I'm willing to let people come to the house once we're settled to see the baby, but just want a little space in the first couple of days to figure life out!

SuperMom17

Well did she say, "is she at the hospital because I am on my way?" Or just a general inquiry.... She actually doesn't sound at all overbearing,but like she is trying to be supportive, but maybe I am missing something??

magentawarped

I feel like either we're missing part of the story here, or she's not the crazy one.

beckylynn23

Maybe not crazy, but overbearing. Do you want your husband's aunt (who you're not particularly close to) calling or wanting to be one of the first to hold your baby? I even started this post with the fact that I do love support from family. Maybe because my family isn't like that (my aunts aren't calling/texting me) that it's not normal to me....and like I said...just venting

Gamera3000

I TOTALLY have this going on with one of my friends. I wasn't aware that we were that good of friends-we just have a lot of mutual friends and see each other sometimes at group things. She actually asked me if she could be my baby's godmother! I was like uhhhh...my best friend is the godmother...you can be the...godfather?

She also wants to come straight to the hospital and has made comments about taking off of work when the baby comes. I mean, I realize she has baby fever and is just trying to be supportive, but it's still super awkward.

Tess024

Everyone gets excited for a baby, esp. if this is this is the first! As long as she isn't pounding down your door, and sending you texts every 5 minutes asking if you've had the baby yet, I wouldn't worry.

It seems like your family will make sure that any unwanted visitors will say out.

mrsoliver916

beckylynn23 said:

Maybe not crazy, but overbearing. Do you want your husband's aunt (who you're not particularly close to) calling or wanting to be one of the first to hold your baby? I even started this post with the fact that I do love support from family. Maybe because my family isn't like that (my aunts aren't calling/texting me) that it's not normal to me....and like I said...just venting

I don't think it's a big deal for my husband's aunt (who I'm not particularly close to) to be one of the first ones holding the baby. It's not like she did something wrong.That being said, it's perfectly fine to only want limited guests at the hospital. But don't make it seem like it's the end of the world for her to care about you. Would you rather have her not give a damn about you and your baby?

SuperMom17

beckylynn23 said:

Maybe not crazy, but overbearing. Do you want your husband's aunt (who you're not particularly close to) calling or wanting to be one of the first to hold your baby? I even started this post with the fact that I do love support from family. Maybe because my family isn't like that (my aunts aren't calling/texting me) that it's not normal to me....and like I said...just venting

I didn't catch the part in your original post that she wanted to be the first to hold baby- I just wanted to,clarify with you that I am not trying to be snarky, obviously

shaunessa

I think its the fact that you're not close to her that's making you feel annoyed.  All of sudden she seems to have this huge interest in you and your baby, but thats not a bad thing.  Appreciate the fact that she wants to be a part of you and your new life.  Trust me it happens. 

mythaldo

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a "crazy aunt" to me. I think you are just easily annoyed. It happens to all of us sometimes.

SparkySharky

I don't think it's crazy or overbearing. She texted to see how you were, probably to remind you or reinforce that her offer to help was genuine. When she didn't hear back, she unobtrusively called her sister to get an update. The woman has carte blanch to call her sister to scratch her a$$, so no infraction there.

If it were me, I'd call her and say "thanks for checking in w me. Mil is going to be taking care of notifying everyone of any news, so just contact her for info. I don't think I'll be up for much of anything for awhile, but I'm very happy you offered. I'll be sure to call if I need anything." If she pushes to visit, just say you don't know when you'll be ready, but you'll let her know.

I think you're just having territorial-type instincts that are hormone and stress induced. I had them. But you tell yourself enough times that the more who love your child, the better off he is - it starts to sink in. I'd be surprised if she held a grudge when she's not one of the first to hold him, but if she does - that would warrant an update.

SouthRNComfort

Just thank your lucky stars: my husband's "party it up" aunt mentioned wanting to take the baby to a bar. Seriously. Note to self: never let her babysit.

SouthRNComfort

BTW it's flu season, so you can always use that as an excuse to keep people from coming over until you are ready to accept visitors.

RondackHiker

She texted once and made one phone call. You didn't say she was having hysterical meltdowns or throwing fits that you won't let her be at the hospital. She's not pestering you constantly. She didn't assume you were in labor and announce it on Facebook. She's not demanding to be in the room or name the baby or anything.

She sent one text and made a phone call. I don't see the overbearing part.

PrimRoseMama

RondackHiker said:

She texted once and made one phone call. You didn't say she was having hysterical meltdowns or throwing fits that you won't let her be at the hospital. She's not pestering you constantly. She didn't assume you were in labor and announce it on Facebook. She's not demanding to be in the room or name the baby or anything.

She sent one text and made a phone call. I don't see the overbearing part.

This. I fail to see what the hand-wringing is about?

k8augs

beckylynn23 said:

Maybe not crazy, but overbearing. Do you want your husband's aunt (who you're not particularly close to) calling or wanting to be one of the first to hold your baby? I even started this post with the fact that I do love support from family. Maybe because my family isn't like that (my aunts aren't calling/texting me) that it's not normal to me....and like I said...just venting

I totally understand where you are coming from.  This sounds like MY aunt..but there are a lot more examples for how she can be overbearing...I tend to think of her as high maintenance.  She expects me to respond/be accessible right away, whenever she calls, and it's like she thinks she's my only aunt, that I don't work and I don't have anything else going on.  My situation is a lot more than just this, so maybe I'm projecting a bit...but I understand when people are TOO supportive/eager to where it becomes a bit of a bear to interact.  My situation, FYE...is that if I call my aunt's mother to see how she's doing, I have to call my aunt right away, because she feels slighted...in another situation...if I write a note to my grandmother, I have to send another, though very unique letter to my aunt, because they always share my letters...I learned a long time ago that they cannot be talking about the same thing...which is hard, because they have to be written/sent at the same time!  I'm lucky that I'm in CO and they're in IN...it's all long-distance!

Kdeanda

I think it's annyoing you because you are just not that close with her. Honestly, everyone loves a pregnant lady and they love new babies even more. So I would just roll with it. It's natural for people to show extra support during times like these. From the outside looking in, it doesn't seem like she's being too pushy but if things start to make you feel uncomfortable, voice your feelings with her and I'm sure she'll respect them.