Caribbean Babies

So..my friend is having a Pay For Homebirth shower...

Okay, so my very good friend is due in June. I love her to death. She's one of the smartest people I know, she's very level-headed, blahblahblah.

She wants a home birth, which is awesome. It is going to cost $4,000 and of course insurance doesn't cover this. It's not an amount they can come up with in 5 months.

So apparently our other friend is going to throw her a 'shower' - but instead of gifts, it's going to ask for money to pay for her homebirth.

What the what?!

She asked me about this last month and I told her you can't have a shower and ask for money. You just CANT. But she says she's asked 'everyone' and they are 'kosher' about it, and since people ask for honeymoon money nowadays, it's okay.

Can I have a shower and ask for friends to help pay my hospital bill??

 

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Re: So..my friend is having a Pay For Homebirth shower...

  • I mean, she has a lot of crunchy parent friends, and I think they are totally down with it. Instead of material items, you get help from friends/family for your birth experience.

    I understand thats what she wants. I would be down with a homebirth too. It upsets me that it costs so much to have YOUR child birthed in YOUR own home with YOUR own body.

    But this is weird. I would not able to have a shower thrown for me and ask people to pay my medical bills.

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

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  • I mean, she has a lot of crunchy parent friends, and I think they are totally down with it. Instead of material items, you get help from friends/family for your birth experience.

    I understand thats what she wants. I would be down with a homebirth too. It upsets me that it costs so much to have YOUR child birthed in YOUR own home with YOUR own body.

    But this is weird. I would not able to have a shower thrown for me and ask people to pay my medical bills.

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

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  • Weird. So, so weird.

    And I wouldn't go.


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  • Umm, no.  Just no.


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  • Elbug said:
    So does she also expect to have a regular baby shower for baby stuff?  If so thats dumb.  If this is going to be her only "shower" then maybe thats ok.... I have a $4000 deductible so maybe I should have a pay my deductible shower.

    This I guess is her shower, IDK how this is being worded in the invites though!

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

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  • VanellopeVanellope member
    edited January 2014
    tealowl said:

    I mean, she has a lot of crunchy parent friends, and I think they are totally down with it. Instead of material items, you get help from friends/family for your birth experience.

    I understand thats what she wants. I would be down with a homebirth too. It upsets me that it costs so much to have YOUR child birthed in YOUR own home with YOUR own body.

    But this is weird. I would not able to have a shower thrown for me and ask people to pay my medical bills.


    The cost isn't just because. It's what a midwife charges normally, the tub, her assistance the equipment she's required to have etc. Eta: I don't like the idea because I believe it falls in the area of you wanted a baby you should have planned accordingly.
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  • I want to support her because I love her very much. I will go to the party, I just can't not go.

    But I could get her something instead of cash towards her birth, right? Like some sort of basket of essentials for herself? I don't know...

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

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  • That is so weird.  


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  • tealowl said:

    I want to support her because I love her very much. I will go to the party, I just can't not go.

    But I could get her something instead of cash towards her birth, right? Like some sort of basket of essentials for herself? I don't know...


    Well that's what I was wondering. What if you want to take a gift instead of money? Is that frowned upon? I think that's a tacky shower idea and agree with PPs - should have planned ahead. It's her responsibility, not her friends'.
  • She should totes just go start a gofundme page!

    If she was a close friend I would probably go, give her the money I would've given for a shower, and side eye her privately.
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  • I guess I'm not alone in thinking that $4,000 is not the much to come up with when having a baby.  We always put aside $3,000, which is our OOP max, and that's just for medical bills.  That doesn't include other baby items.

    I don't know what I would do...it's so tacky.  I also hate those honeymoon registries too.

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  • Maybe the baby shower board should weigh in.... (I kid, I kid).

    I double dog dare you to ask the baby shower board.
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  • Valancyy said:

    I guess I'm not alone in thinking that $4,000 is not the much to come up with when having a baby.  We always put aside $3,000, which is our OOP max, and that's just for medical bills.  That doesn't include other baby items.

    I don't know what I would do...it's so tacky.  I also hate those honeymoon registries too.

    What??? This is a thing?
  • Lurking.... But what happens if she has complications and has to go to the hospital? Then all of her fundraising efforts go to shit AND she doesn't have anything you usually get at showers to help prepare for baby...
  • dlsexton said:
    Maybe the baby shower board should weigh in.... (I kid, I kid).
    I double dog dare you to ask the baby shower board.
    I'm terrified to ask them!

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

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  • Elbug said:
    tealowl said:

    I want to support her because I love her very much. I will go to the party, I just can't not go.

    But I could get her something instead of cash towards her birth, right? Like some sort of basket of essentials for herself? I don't know...

    You could get her some homebirth supplies.  Like a placenta bowl, everyone needs a placenta bowl to put that beast in ;)  

    I agree, she needed to figure out how to pay for this stuff on her own but if she's a close friend it would be more offensive to ignore her completely I guess.  You can get an assortment of things that people need for HBs and seriously put it all in a large bowl (which she really could use for her placenta).  Maybe also get her the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, some lavender essential oil, nice mild smelling candles, something to look at when the going gets tough to show her "you can do this" or that you support her in her birth journey at home and maybe throw in a Fleet's enema and fish tank net for scooping floaters in the birth tub just to be funny.  You know?  Stuff like that.  

    This is what I need to do! Also, I need to Google Fleet's enema because I have no idea what that is. Does it go in her butt?

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

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  • janda426 said:
    Lurking.... But what happens if she has complications and has to go to the hospital? Then all of her fundraising efforts go to shit AND she doesn't have anything you usually get at showers to help prepare for baby...


    I asked her about that, and she doesn't seem worried about it. But of course, a hospital bill wouldn't too horrible if you got your $4,000 homebirth paid for.

    Also, HI JANDA!!!!

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

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