Just decided to come here - Intro (sorry for the novel!)

eghulse

Hey.  I am back on TB after a loooong hiatus after my DS was born, but I have since returned since becoming pregnant with #2.  I have an 18-month-old DS, and am due May 28 with DS#2.  

I struggled with an extremely mild case of depression in high school, mostly due to social pressures and poor self-esteem.  Once I graduated and moved on with my life I found ways to cope and change my outlook on life - I joined the military, then a year later was married to my DH after a whirlwind adventure of a 6-week engagement.  That's another story itself.  When DS was almost 4 months old, I had used up all my maternity leave that I'd saved up, and had to go back to my one weekend a month drill schedule (I'm in the Air National Guard).  I struggled with leaving my baby at home with my then-apprehensive DH, having to pump, going back to a bad work situation...it was hard.  I was physically ill the night before my first day back, mostly because I was sick with myself for wanting to injure myself to the point that I didn't have to go back to work.  I had an invisible bruise on my forehead because I had hit my head against the tile wall in an attempt to knock myself out and avoid having to go back.  I went to talk to the psychological director at work the next day, who helped me through the next couple of months.  On top of all of this, my sister, who I am pretty close to, ran away with a boyfriend that my family didn't approve of, which sent me spiraling to the point that I went to my OB and started taking medication for PPD/depression.  I didn't like the way it made me feel, so once I had figured out how to manage myself I quit taking it.

Fast forward to now, I've done pretty well for the most part.  DH started grad school this year, and we moved further from family to be closer to school.  I'm a SAHM, and now pregnant, with a toddler at home.  At about 13 weeks, I got to a point that I was constantly crying, I wasn't able to find any joy in my life, and on top of that my SIL lost her baby at 20 weeks and I felt like it was unfair for me to be happy about being pregnant when she couldn't be.  I started taking Lexapro at my OB's suggestion - she told me from day one that if things started to head that direction at all that it was better to nip it in the bud before baby came so things were as good as they could be when he got here.  I've always thought about coming here, and hope that I can be a support to you girls, and hope to learn a lot from you all as well.

TurtleMomma

Welcome!