Money

wirt2cute

Hey ladies quick question: 

Little background... I have been married since September 2013 and have two boys.  I have been lurking and hanging out for the past few weeks so I thought I would give it a shot and ask this question. Most of my friends are not married so they could not give me any good advice. Before we got married I was paying the majority of the household bills and he was paying the all the day care fee and the light,gas,water bill and purchasing some of the groceries. 

My question is how do you and the Mr. pay your bills. In your household bill mix do you guys include all the household expenses split down the middle (lights, cable, mortgage, internet, etc)  or does somebody pay one set of bills and the other pay the remaining. My husband thinks that everything should be split 50/50 and he feels that the childcare should be included in the household bill amount.  I have recently opened an additional checking account just for the household bills. I guess since I grew up with my dad paying majority the household bills and my mom paying some of the smaller bills that has stuck in my head. I guess hearing how other couples make their money work would give me some insight on letting go of what has been stuck in my head. 

TikiTurtle

Same as PP, all our money goes into our joint accounts. H takes care of the finances.

Helenahhandbasket

mrsmechanic1 said:

We each have our own personal accounts that we put gas money in and extra spending money.  We also have a joint/household account where the groceries, mortgage, electric, etc. comes out of.  Daycare would qualify to come out of that account.  Anything extra gets transferred over to savings at the end of the month.

We do this too and it works nicely for us.

bugandbibs

All of our money goes into a joint account. MH and I each get 10% put into a personal account we can spend how we wish. Generally, it goes to going out with friends, clothes, haircuts, etc...

All household expenses including everything for the kids comes from the joint account. I physically pay all the bills because I'm better with money.

It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and work out a written budget. We did a monthly budget the first year we were married so we were on the same page. Now we have an annual meeting to discuss goals or whenever something changes.

Jags8

We have a joint account, and pay our bills from that. We each get to take the same x amount of money out of our paychecks for fun money, but it has to last us that paycheck.

lifeonthehill

All money is shared and all accounts are in both of our names. I am in charge of actually writing checks to pay the bills though. H makes 5x more than I do but for now it works for us.

Twinkie0612

I pay all of our bills from my checking account (DH is also on the account, but it was my account from before we got married) since that is where my paycheck is direct deposited.  DH prefers to deal in cash so he cashes his paycheck and either deposits or gives me his extra cash at the end of the pay period to deposit in the checking account.  He pays for his gas, trips to walmart, groceries, fast food/restraurant bills, etc. from his check. 

We started out having him pay some bills from his checking account and me paying others from mine, but it didn't work for us.  He would never put the money in his checking account and then his bills were due and he would start handing me cash asking me to write the check for his bill.  It ended up just being easier for me to handle all of the bills.  Plus DH is terrible about keeping track of how much money is in his account, I have no idea how he has never bounced a check.

jnnfrrose6

alyssa32713 said:

All money is shared and all accounts are in both of our names. I am in charge of actually writing checks to pay the bills though. H makes 5x more than I do but for now it works for us.

Same here. Only exception is a separate account the credit union made me open to get a loan for my car. It's now paid off, but I continue to have money go into it each paycheck. Just a separate place to put aside a little money that we will use when I'm on maternity leave later this year. After that, I'll close the account.

dogperson11

We have 1 checking and 2 savings accounts, all are joint, all money goes I to checking then gets dispersed (pay bills, savings, etc). It's a little different for us because my husband is a full time student and I work full time, so we don't have a ton of extra to play with. We have a "budget meeting" at the beginning of every year to make sure we're both on the same page. We have an agreement that neither one of us will spend over $50 on anything besides gas and groceries without discussing the purchase first. It's worked well for us.

I've known friends who "split" bills and finances. They don't do 50-50 because one makes much more then the other. They do %. For example, 40% of both their salaries go to mortgage, 20% of both their salaries go to utilities, etc.

Talk with your husband and find a plan that works for you both that you're both comfortable with.

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wirt2cute

Each of you ladies are amazing. Thank you so much for responding. I am now in a better mind set about our bills and the way we should handle things going forward. I am glad that I opened that separate checking account just for the household bills. I think that this will help us get back on track to saving more money and allow he and I to be in a better place about our finances. 

Wine&Cupcakes

AudeSapere89 said:

My husband and I have a joint checking account but I manage all the money and bills. Our money is "ours" and how we see it is once its in the account there isnt "yours" or "mine" I see problems in marriages when husbands and wifes keep tabs on how much money they make vs their partner. However I know in some marriages its needed or works the best way for them. How we spend money is different I guess. If its something like food for lunch I feel no need to inform my husband but lets say I want to buy a dvd. Normally I just text him and say "hey we have extra money and I want a dvd is that okay?" He does the same if he wants a video game. Its more about keeping the other person informed about our account balance than control of money. As for saving money my husband is way better at that than I am. He takes money out and places it in safe keeping each month.

I'm glad this works for you but it would totally drive me batshit crazy.

DH and I retained our separate accounts from before we were married and we opened a joint checking/savings. We try to have regular "budget meetings" but pretty much, he pays his own bills and I pay mine (plus we each keep a certain amount for our own spending) and then we each have a set amount that we throw into our joint account for household expenses like rent, bills and groceries.

All extra money is currently going towards paying off our credit cards and after that it will go towards building an emergency fund and then diversified retirement accounts.

We have transparency in our finances as we work together to decide each persons budget but I really like that I have my own spending and he has his so we aren't constantly up each other's asses about money.

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aggiebug

We are in the joint account group. We do an annual budget in quicken. Including a monthy fun money allotment for each of us. We can spend that any time we want. Purchases outside of that typically are made together.

missnacholover

All of our money gets dumped into a joint account.  If we want to purchase something we run it by the other person first if it's going to make a dent in our budget (like $50 or more).  This isn't really asking for permission, more of a "yo, I need new kicks, so I'm going to be spending a hundred bucks, FYI."  We have a shared google spreadsheet and put everything in it so we can keep track.  It's kind of neurotic, but it works for us and there aren't any random surprises.

My husband brings in about 2/3 of our household income but we don't see it as "Your" vs "My" money.  It's our money.  We are a team.  I could never deal with splitting things 50/50 - seems so unfair to me.  Why should one person be broke all the time and the other have all this extra spending money?  Just because I have a lower salary doesn't mean I don't work as hard as my DH!  We are just in different industries and his pays more.  :P

SmileyJay

Like most here we have a joint account. No one pays more of anything and I barely am aware of the differences in our incomes. We are a little different because most of our bills and expenses go on a cash back rewards card that we pay off every month. It's a free $500 a year for us. we both have a card that bills to the same account. Literally all of our bills are set to autopay and we get paid on the 1st and 15th of each month (never changes) so that simplifies things. DH is usually the one to go through everything each month and make sure we were charged correctly. He then transfers all extra money into savings accounts which is usually about 25% of our income.

You need to work out your budget together and set stuff to autopay if you can. This is only a good idea if you always have enough money to cover bills on the date they draft.

When we first started living together over 5 years ago we did it based on percent of income. He made way more than me but we both contributed the same percent of our money to bill. So if you make 2k and DH makes 4k a month, he contributes twice as much money to bills but the same amount in percents. All household expenses are included. It's all going to the same place.

SmileyJay

Just to clarify - we don't set some arbitrary limit to personal spending. Ill tell DH if I have a hair appointment or im going shopping because we both tell each other what we are doing. It's actually pretty rare we don't go out together for these things. If I want to spend $50, I just do but its not a daily thing because I really love being frugal and saving. But I don't think twice about it or count it towards my monthly max or something like that. Now $500 is a different story and we discuss big purchases. I don't need a separate account with "my money" to feel like I can buy things for myself and am happy that DH feels the same way and we don't have budgeting issues. We just know how much money we have and everything we spend is less that will end up in savings.

We are trying to get pregnant so a baby will definitely change this, but OUR baby's expenses will definitely be out of our joint account.

PB&J714

All of our money goes into and out of our joint account. Both of our paychecks are direct deposited. We don't split up any of the bills, they just get paid out of our account. We just simply keep track of who paid what by whose name the bill comes in. For example, I make sure I pay my credit card, student loans, etc. each month but he takes care of the process of paying our gas, cable, his car payment, etc. Our checking is linked to our savings and we just make sure that by the end of each month we've put x number of dollars into savings. We don't scrutinize who makes more/who buys more. We're in this marriage together, so we share everything including our money. FWIW, DH does make substantially more than I do.

Belou52579

Basically all our money is jointly owned. Its in different bank accounts: one being funded by my husband's salary that pays all our bills and both mortgages and two others that my salary funds that we use for incidentals, gifts and savings.

We don't view one account as his and the others as mine though, everything is "ours", including credit cards.

hoffse

OP, you might want to check out the Money Matters board on the nest.  I'm a lurker here, but we talk about this subject a lot over there.

H and I send everything to one account.  I've never understood the whole "I make 40% of the income so I should pay 40% of the bills out of my personal account" thing.  If both paychecks go to a single account, then by virtue of how much you make versus your partner you are paying 40%.

The only thing that we keep separate is an account for H's law school loans.  He has one semester left, and we use that money to pay his tuition, bar fees, books, etc.  Living expenses, etc. come out of our joint account.  We just keep his loans separate so that we touch it as little as possible (we will "pay back" whatever is left in that account once he graduates).  But yeah.  I guess I make 95% of the income right now.  And I feel like he has a total right to spend it, since he is my husband.  We don't keep tabs, and we don't give ourselves an allowance.  If we want to make a large-ish purchase, we just make sure we have room in the budget to do it.  And that's that.

H and I also have trading privileges on each other's retirement and investment accounts (since those can't be joint).  We don't buy, sell, or trade unless we talk to the other, but having the right to do it lets us see each other's accounts and is a matter of convenience for us.  Plus it would allow one of us to control the other's accounts in the case of incapacity.  That gives us a lot of peace of mind.

Speaking of which - you and your H should discuss how to handle money if one of you dies or is incapacitated.  If you keep everything separate, you won't have access to the other's account until you can produce a death certificate (assuming you are the POD beneficiary).  That can take weeks.  And if one of you is incapacitated, you are basically SOL in terms of accessing those funds.  It's not fun to think about, but it's important.  The last thing I would want to worry about if my H were in a car wreck is getting access to our various accounts... especially if I needed to liquidate those in his name in order to pay the bills.

jnnfrrose6

hoffse said:

Speaking of which - you and your H should discuss how to handle money if one of you dies or is incapacitated.  If you keep everything separate, you won't have access to the other's account until you can produce a death certificate (assuming you are the POD beneficiary).  That can take weeks.  And if one of you is incapacitated, you are basically SOL in terms of accessing those funds.  It's not fun to think about, but it's important.  The last thing I would want to worry about if my H were in a car wreck is getting access to our various accounts... especially if I needed to liquidate those in his name in order to pay the bills.

That's what a living will is for...not just medical decisions, but financial ones as well.

mmille19

We have 1 checking account that both of our checks go into. We get paid on opposite Fridays so it works out because we get a paycheck each week. All of our money is joint and we share it all...no yours and mine. Im the one that pays the bills so each friday I pay the bills for the week, put money into savings and whatever is left is left. We discuss the weeks finances while i pay the bills and after that send him an email of where we are at on our finances for the week.  We are trying really hard to paydown debt so everything extra is going towards credit cards then towards his truck then to student loans. We are hoping to be debt free in a few years 

wirt2cute

I like the sound of the quicken program. I going to do some research on that. Thanks for that idea..

wirt2cute

hoffse said:

OP, you might want to check out the Money Matters board on the nest.  I'm a lurker here, but we talk about this subject a lot over there.

H and I send everything to one account.  I've never understood the whole "I make 40% of the income so I should pay 40% of the bills out of my personal account" thing.  If both paychecks go to a single account, then by virtue of how much you make versus your partner you are paying 40%.

The only thing that we keep separate is an account for H's law school loans.  He has one semester left, and we use that money to pay his tuition, bar fees, books, etc.  Living expenses, etc. come out of our joint account.  We just keep his loans separate so that we touch it as little as possible (we will "pay back" whatever is left in that account once he graduates).  But yeah.  I guess I make 95% of the income right now.  And I feel like he has a total right to spend it, since he is my husband.  We don't keep tabs, and we don't give ourselves an allowance.  If we want to make a large-ish purchase, we just make sure we have room in the budget to do it.  And that's that.

H and I also have trading privileges on each other's retirement and investment accounts (since those can't be joint).  We don't buy, sell, or trade unless we talk to the other, but having the right to do it lets us see each other's accounts and is a matter of convenience for us.  Plus it would allow one of us to control the other's accounts in the case of incapacity.  That gives us a lot of peace of mind.

Speaking of which - you and your H should discuss how to handle money if one of you dies or is incapacitated.  If you keep everything separate, you won't have access to the other's account until you can produce a death certificate (assuming you are the POD beneficiary).  That can take weeks.  And if one of you is incapacitated, you are basically SOL in terms of accessing those funds.  It's not fun to think about, but it's important.  The last thing I would want to worry about if my H were in a car wreck is getting access to our various accounts... especially if I needed to liquidate those in his name in order to pay the bills.

I have thought about if something happens to one of us how that would be handled. Everyday he goes to work and I try not to worry but when every I I see anything on the news that says "officer shot, stabbed, or anything" I am calling and texting just to make sure he is okay. Since he will be off this Saturday we are going to have a serious sit down and talk about what would happen and what we need to do if something happens to either of us. 

Futuremom83

Kimbus22 said:

We only have joint accounts.  All the money goes one place, all the bills get paid from one place.  I do it all.  I have no time for arguing with my H about who pays what.  If I wanted to do that, I'd have a roommate, not a husband.

This.
Same here we do everything jointly. We both work full time and everything is together. We also have a savings we put a certain amount in every paycheck. I usually take care of writing the bills out but we are both in 100%. No who pays this or that. But that might not work for everyone but it does for us.

toribrite

Just for a different example here:

We each have our own accounts and I have one for our savings. DH transfers his half of the bills to my account and I pay everything that is "ours". He pays his own car insurance, etc.  DH helps me keep track of the budget and spending and paying off bills, etc.  We take turns paying for dinners or groceries. I have always been a rather independent kind of person and like having our own separate accounts.

FYI, just for fun, we also have separate blankets on the bed and do our own separate laundry. 

LexiPlexi

We have one joint checking and one joint savings account. The checking is used for bills and the savings for vacations, large purchases, etc. I pay all the bills because H's memory is the worst and he used to miss all the due dates!

We used to have two separate joint accounts for what we call "fun money"... lunches, going to the movies, going out with friends, etc. but it got too messy. We recently closed the two individual accounts and now just keep $100 in cash for week's "fun money". 

Ardmhs83

We have a joint account and I sit down to pay the bills myself, but it is all of our money mixed together.  Their is no way I would know who's money is paying what.  His money is mine and mine is his.

starrz90

DH and I have a joint account that we put money in to pay bills and another account for vacation and one for savings. We're very open with our finances, no yours or mines. He especially doesn't believe in splitting anything 50/50 and I agree with him. We basically just pool our income and take out a certain amount for certain accounts. So much easier than keeping track of what bills I pay and what bills he pays.

oxfordstreet

I guess I am in the minority, but my husband and I have completely separate accounts. We opened a joint one after our wedding, but only so we could cash cheques addresses to us both (evidently you cannot cash a cheque in your name if it says and/or another name). We split all household expenses equally through transfers. Mortgage, taxes, water come out of his account. Cable, hydro, gas, and insurance come out of mine. Our salaries are comparable, he makes about 10k more than me per year. I think our finances will be more integrated as time goes on though