Invite Etiquette question

TheMrs820

DH and I recently moved to Oregon & before that he was Active Duty Military. I am from Colorado & DH is from NorCal.

All of our close out if state family & friends know about the pregnancy (1st). I am not sure if I should include them on invite list or not.

I do not want people to feel obligated to send a gift, but I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them.

EastCoastBride

CLOSE family, like moms and sisters- yes, I'd invite them.  Friends?  I probably wouldn't. 

It's a shower, not a wedding. Its' on par w/ a birthday party. If they want to send you a gift, they will.  MOST rational, mature women get this and are NOT hurt when not invited to a party they realistically can't come to. 

TheMrs820

This was my thought too until my MIL brought it up. She is wanting to invite all of her friends that knew DH when he was little & all extended family.

I thought we could just send a birth announcement once he is born to include them.

Disneygeek77

I personally wouldn't listen to your MIL on this one.  I have been invited to showers for DH's family that live halfway across the country and thought "What the heck, why am I getting a shower invitation ?"  I honestly thought it was a bit rude and like they had a case of the gimmies.  

Like ECB said, most mature and rational woman don't get their feelings hurt when they aren't invited to a shower out of state.  

Just send MIL's friends and family a birth announcement when he is born.  If they truly want to send a gift, they will. 

EastCoastBride

TheMrs820 said:

This was my thought too until my MIL brought it up. She is wanting to invite all of her friends that knew DH when he was little & all extended family. I thought we could just send a birth announcement once he is born to include them.

I would stand firm and say that you aren't comfortable doing this and you'll be more than happy to send an announcement after the baby is born.  And enlist your DH to help with this too.

IF she wants to throw a shower in her hometown and you all want to fly in for it, then by all means, she can invite all these people.  But seriously- inviting people for a shower for a person that they actually probably dont' know all that well anymore and it's across the country is going to come across as weird to most of these people.

TheMrs820

@Darbie914 : My MIL & my cousin are joint hosting since my MIL is 5 hours away & my cousin is local

TheMrs820

@jennish11: My cousin is the one handling the invitations I found out. We talked about it & she agreed.

MamaLlama14

TheMrs820 said:

This was my thought too until my MIL brought it up. She is wanting to invite all of her friends that knew DH when he was little & all extended family. I thought we could just send a birth announcement once he is born to include them.

My mom and MIL both invited their two best friends to my bridal and baby showers, even though in my adult life I don't know them well anymore.  Mom and MIL co-hosted my showers and wanted to have their two BFFs there to celebrate with them.  I didn't object- but I definitely would have if it were turning into everyone who they ever had lunch with.  Just KNOWING someone isn't an appropriate reason to invite them to a gift-giving event.  If it's one or two ladies that will make your MIL feel like a bigger part of the celebration b/c her BFFs are there to share in it with her, let her.  If not, stand your ground on this one and get DH on board since it's his mom.

TheMrs820

Yay! Thanks for talking it out with me ladies. I hope all your showers are amazing!