WWS12D?

jcieply

Ok so help solve our argument. Keep in mind dd isn't an easy go lucky toddler. She doesn't like change , hates the car with a passion, and takes a long time warming up to new places and people. Dh dad turns 60 this week. They live out of town so we don't see them a ton. His mom is throwing a party at the casino he works at. It is a 3 hour drive to dhs home town and another hour to the casino. The party is at 7:30 at night. I am uneasy about going at all because the car ride will be pure hell and she hasn't slept overnight anywhere else since may. Dh will not back down at all. His plan is we go to his home town hang out then go to the casino party. ( which is in a bar/restaurant area) since it will be late we would get a hotel room at the casino and take the pnp for dd. we would then go back to the home town in the morning and head home . I keep telling dh let's go alone so we can enjoy his family and the whole situation but he refuses. I just feel that a late night casino party 4 hours away with a kid who despises the car is not a place for dd. they also allow smoking in the casino and restaurant so that drives me nuts too. Am i being crazy and need to just suck it up or would you try and convince dh to keep dd at home with grandma? I'm most terrified for the long car rides and just an overwhelming new place and I of course would be the one dealing with the fussy kid while very pregNant myself. Ughhhh I just don't want to go!

Hyaline

Um, yeah, no.  We don't take DD to late night things because she's a bear after 8 pm (she has a 7 pm bedtime and 8 is as far as we can push it without her turning into a nightmare).  It's not fair to her or to the other people there.

If this was us--I would find a sitter or, if that was not possible, I would stay home while DH went to the party.  Some people in our families might not understand that choice, but that's their problem, not ours.  Since you have a grandma close by willing to watch her--I think this choice is a no-brainer.

Frankly, I don't think a casino is an appropriate place for kids, but I might be misinformed on casinos, too.

Plus--a night away, just the two of you?  I can think of some really nice incentives to that situation, winkwink.

Any insight as to why DH refuses?  Does he think she needs to be there, or is he uncomfortable leaving her overnight?

MarisaKathleen

As usual, I agree with just about everything @Hyaline says.  Sigh.  I swear, IRL I have original thoughts.  She just beats me to them here.

Call other Grandma and see if she'd watch her.  I just think it'll save the headache.  

jcieply

Thanks ladies! I've been begging to leave her home or I'll stay home and dh refuses because he wants her to see his family and his brother will be in town and he says they must see her. I already tried to arrange an easier time for her to see them not it wasn't working out. This has caused major tension this week ughhhhhh.

Nita2603

It's easy: 'honey, I don't want DD to go for xyz reason. Grandma is watching her while we go alone, or you can go by yourself while I stay home with her. I will not take a toddler to a casino. Sorry.'

If his family wants to see her, they can come and visit you.

MarisaKathleen

Yea, I have to admit...I've been to casinos a lot.  I would totally side eye someone bringing a 16mo old kid there.  They're too busy, casinos are too smokey and over stimulating.  I get that your DH wants his family to see her, but that's not a kid friendly place.

KellersPrag

If it was something other than a party at a casino, I'd say suck it up and take her, because it's a big family party. I'm huge on bedtime, too, and I very rarely let it get messed up. But I wouldn't be comfortable with that. As long as you are still able to go and you will have childcare, take advantage of that.

Hyaline

jcieply said:

Thanks ladies! I've been begging to leave her home or I'll stay home and dh refuses because he wants her to see his family and his brother will be in town and he says they must see her. I already tried to arrange an easier time for her to see them not it wasn't working out. This has caused major tension this week ughhhhhh.

I can appreciate that, but the thing is--a nighttime party is not a good situation in which to try to see a small child. I think acknowledging that what he wants is valid (I'd want my family to see DD, too!) but that *this situation* is just not conducive to that.  She won't be happy at the party, and no one will be happy the next day after a sleepless night.  And tell him what you want--not what you don't want.  So not "I don't want to bring DD" but "I'd like to enjoy the party, too, and the thought of a night away with you makes me grin like an idiot."  

melody921

Yeah, our kids don't go out at night because it's not fun for anyone. The only exception to this is if we're in someone's home, and I can lay DD down in a PNP upstairs and it doesn't matter as much if DS gets overly tired. No way would I take my toddler out past bedtime to a smoke-filled, overstimulating place. If you have someone to watch her, I see no reason to drag her along.

MRoxy0628

Could you go down there during the day (so your LO can see his family) and then you and your LO spend the night at his parents house while he goes to the party? 

I would not bring my daughter to a casino (especially if smoking is allowed) or an event that late, but would want to try a way for her to see her family, especially if she doesn't see them often. 

jcieply

Thanks I totally agree with everyone! I want her to see th family too but it just isn't a good time and place. I called and she is allowed in the restaurant area where the party will be. I felt guilty and that I was being a bad wife so I'm glad I asked for other moms opinions!

Cheenomae

Also, you can remind your DH that while he's excited for his family to get to see DD they will leave having a distorted view of what your DD is really like, which could be frustrating for your DH. No one will get to enjoy and see in DD what your DH really wants them to see because she will be so overstimulated and tired!

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MississippiCatfish

shiggybop said:

I wouldn't bring a baby where there is smoking indoors nor would I go while pregnant. The smell alone would probably leave me dry heaving in the bathroom all night.

Could you stay somewhere in his hometown so the family could see your LO during the day? Even though LO may be a bear, I think that would be a fair compromise.

My thoughts exactly. If it's important to DH, I would insist that we make ours drives to and from over nap time. LO and I wouldn't go to the casino. Usually I'd go, but not while pregnant. I can understand your DH wanting you guys to come see the family, but not having you both in this atmosphere.

I brought DS to a tavern for my uncle's memorial service when he was about six months old and some 60 year old lady (stranger) came up and starting talking to LO. He reached for her glass and she PUT HER DIRTY ALCOHOLIC DRINK ON HIS LIPS! She wasn't even visably drunk so I wasn't on my guard enough and I wasn't quick enough to stop it. After that, I don't want my kids around drunk strangers. ESPECIALLY at this mobile, exploring age! I know that no harm was done, but it super grossed me out that a stranger lips had been on that glass.

hmp1

If you have someone to watch DD at home, I would not bring her. If you do bring her, someone has to be trapped in the hotel room while she sleeps. Wouldn't he rather it be a fun adult night for both of you? 

OceanLover26

I'd be getting someone to watch her.