NWMR: Bait and switch

SparkySharky

WWYD? My BIL helped us out last week by driving out and taking a second look at a house with us before we made an offer. We're super grateful and have offered to take them to dinner, babysit, drinks to repay the favor. Instead of any of that, my SIL wants me to host a party for her (like a Tupperware-type party). She's asked me several times already and I have already asked friends to see if they're interested, but they're not. So I've declined a number of times in addition to declining a number of invites to other kinds of parties. I also can't afford her stuff so I'm never going to become a customer. What do I do? Decline outright (again) or do another survey of my friends for interest?

I'm also a little teed off that she's using this as an opportunity to get me to do it which feels disingenuous (obtuse, really) considering our months of communication on the topic. It should have been dead long ago. I helped twice by being a practice dummy while she was training, but have been unequivocal since about not needing her stuff, not buying her stuff, and not being willing to host a party. Am I really indebted to try and get this done? I don't want to downplay our gratefulness to our BIL...

EastCoastBride

No, you aren't indebted.  These are 2 separate issues. 

 

Offer to take them out to dinner (or whatever).  If she literally takes that and says "I want you to throw a party", tell her "I'm not going to be able to do that.  So, where would you and BIL like to go to dinner?". 

 

And actually- I'd bypass her.  Have your DH contact your BIL directly and ask HIM (as he's the one who helped you) where he'd like to go/ what night he wants you so babysit, or whatever. 

 

welly01

How annoying!  I agree with PP.

litzo27

EastCoastBride said:

And actually- I'd bypass her.  Have your DH contact your BIL directly and ask HIM (as he's the one who helped you) where he'd like to go/ what night he wants you so babysit, or whatever. 

 

I like this. Plus, BIL would probably prefer something else anyway - so either ask him directly where he wants to eat out or have DH offer some other "manly" getaways like tickets to a game or bowling or whatever he is into.

If she presses the point I would stand firm and say that you asked your friends and you simply don't have people in your social circles who are interested/able to buy those products.

Virgo17

That's really annoying!  I would have DH take BIL to a game, or out to a sports bar, or something like that as a thank you to HIM.  I don't think hosting a party for SIL equals repayment for something BIL did.  I would just tell SIL that you checked with your friends and they either aren't interested, or recently attended a party and purchased items.

emberlee3

The two issues are unrelated. Have DH give BIL tickets to a game or concert. Continue to tell SIL that you are not interested in throwing a Tupperware party. Period.

VitaLuna

Others have given good advice. I just want to empathize with how crappy it is to have friends/family that want you to throw or come to those parties. It always puts you in an awkward spot.

Iblamethebeer

I hate hate hate parties like that.

I think you need to address this directly with SIL or she's just going to keep asking.  Say "your products are out of my price range and I don't feel comfortable asking others to buy them either.  best of luck!"

And then repeat that phrase as often as needed.

SparkySharky

I told her that I'd already asked around and no one was interested but that we'd still like to take them to dinner. Her response was that they can't go out for dinner. And can I find her some models then?

I hope to god she never trolls this site bc she would know immediately who she is...

EastCoastBride

FInd her some models? 

But oh boy.  She doesn't know when to give up.  The next time she brings it up, I'd shut it down.  "SIL - I;ve tried to help you but I can't. I need to ask that you stop asking me for help.  I'm done with this.". 

Virgo17

I don't understand how some people can be so pushy.  IF I was involved with anything like that, the last thing I would want to do is guilt people into helping me, hosting parties, etc.

And how is it that they "can't go to dinner"?  Maybe you could just send BIL a thank you card with a gift card in it.

djm31012

So actually I am going to somewhat disagree here. I think as part of the family, it would be nice of you to support her business venture and host a party. It costs you nothing and its a nice gesture (I speak from experience with my sister being in direct sales...I hosted a party for her and she got 7 new customers off of it and it was actually a fun girls night).  That being said...If you already have asked around and got flat out "Nos" from your friends and you relayed that to her...she should back off...so ill agree there. And they cant go to dinner? Why not? If thats the case offer them a free babysitting night so they can go on a date. And if they still dont take you up on it...screw it, you tried!

ASmallWonder

djm31012 said:

So actually I am going to somewhat disagree here. I think as part of the family, it would be nice of you to support her business venture and host a party. It costs you nothing and its a nice gesture (I speak from experience with my sister being in direct sales...I hosted a party for her and she got 7 new customers off of it and it was actually a fun girls night).  That being said...If you already have asked around and got flat out "Nos" from your friends and you relayed that to her...she should back off...so ill agree there. And they cant go to dinner? Why not? If thats the case offer them a free babysitting night so they can go on a date. And if they still dont take you up on it...screw it, you tried!

The reason I disagree is because "supporting" the SIL means putting your own friends on the spot.  Sounds like she already supported her by letting her practice on her while she was training.

SparkySharky

I think tickets to a game are the way to go here. My SIL is on a special diet due to my miece's allergies. They have one "approved" restaurant but I'm not sure why it's not an option now.

SparkySharky

Oh and I assume she hasn't taken us up on babysitting bc she apparently doesn't trust anyone but my MIL to keep track of her allergies.

As a side note: my SIL and BIL have vastly different levels of caution regarding the allergies.