Baby shower for baby #2?

rslhmg

I lurked around the baby shower board a bit and it seemed a bit snarky, so I'm going to ask here. We cancelled my shower for DD1 and by the time she came home from the nicu we had everything we needed and I wasn't emotionally able to handle having it. My MIL has been bringing up planning a shower for baby #2, and I have had multiple friends ask if/when we would be having one. I feel a little odd about having a shower, especially since we didn't have one for DD. Dr believes we are having another girl, so unless we get a big surprise, we literally don't need anything other than diapers and new bottles. I'm hoping I will actually produce enough to bf this time so we may not even need bottles right away. We still have almost all of dds clothes, half of which she never wore. MIL turned into a baby clothes shopaholic even with us asking her to stop buying stuff, our infant carrier and stroller are in fantastic shape, we literally don't need anything we can't easily get ourselves. Not to mention we are so busy trying to get dd evaluated for her issues and she can't handle groups of people. I'm really torn about allowing MIL to throw me one. It would be wonderful to have some normalcy this pregnancy, and a shower seems like one of those normal things, but I'm not sure I want one for the reasons I already said. I'm kind of curious if anyone skipped their shower for their preemie and had one for the next baby.

Throw3ks

I doubt many of then would truley understand on the baby shower board what it's like to not have one for your first or have one and not enjoy it bc your LO is in the NICU. If people are asking and what to do it, do it. It may be therapeutic in a way too.

KTZ17

We canceled my shower because DD was still in the NICU and it's something that makes me so sad. I wanted pictures of me with my big belly with my friends and family. There are some friends and family who never saw me pregnant. I hope someone throws me a shower next time. I agree with Throw3ks that it may be therapeutic. Your MIL can specify on the invite that gifts are not expected/necessary. It can just be a party to celebrate your pregnancy & LO. As for DD1, would your husband attend the shower? If not, he could watch her. If he would be attending, he could take her out if she gets upset.

rslhmg

I still wont be big pregnant for a shower this time. We were told that we do have a chance to go full term this time, but because of how unpredictable and unpreventable hellp syndrome is, plus some other medical issues I have, we need to be prepared to go as early as march (due in may). Everything so far is looking fantastic for a full term baby, but my dr has strongly advised we just take it day by day because it could change very quickly. MIL wants to throw a shower by the end of feb just to be sure it gets to happen this time. Thank you ladies for the encouraging responses, I think I should have avoided the shower board altogether, the negativity about showers after the first baby had me feeling negative about it. I'm gonna talk to dh today and see if he wants/needs to go and get the plan for dd worked out then give MIL the green light. I think we will do what we can to just keep it a celebratory party, I definitely won't make a registry this time. I know some of the people asking about it are going to do gifts anyway, but I'll feel better knowing they didnt feel like they had to because of a registry. Hopefully it will be theraputic and I will actually enjoy myself. I still have my reservations about it, but I think you ladies are right.

KTZ17

Yay! Do it! So excited for you!

ashleymarie512

I agree!

I did have my baby shower after LO was born (about 3 weeks) even though she was still in NICU. We had a slideshow of pictures set up on the tv to do a continuous loop so everyone could see her, since not everyone could come to hospital.

Have a great day and enjoy it!

MinaE01

You deserve a baby shower. I really think that people understand. It's not really about the gifts - just enjoy celebrating the new baby!

KatFCo

While I don't get overly excited over the etiquette of second showers, the fact that you don't need anything (and in fact, seem to have a surplus of clothes), makes me wonder what, exactly, your friends would be able to buy for you. I'm all for having a little celebration, though, especially since people are asking about it. Post-preemie pregnancies definitely need to be celebrated, though! When I hit third trimester with DS, I was practically shouting it from the rooftops! Maybe suggest a brunch or something that doesn't imply gifts?

rslhmg

KatFCo said:

While I don't get overly excited over the etiquette of second showers, the fact that you don't need anything (and in fact, seem to have a surplus of clothes), makes me wonder what, exactly, your friends would be able to buy for you.

I brought that up to my MIL when I gave her the green light to do something today. Unless the dr was wrong about gender, we're pretty set on clothing through size 2t (dd isnt even in 2t yet and MIL has already loaded up on them for her, Dd is the first grandaughter so our requests to curb her shopping fall on deaf ears, but thats a whole long rant lol). I told her I'm not making a registry because we have no need for one, asking for anything with all the stuff we still have from DD just feels wasteful and greedy. I'm not sure how much say I'm actually going to get outside of the guest list an date (need to make sure I'm off work since I dont work a set schedule), but I'm stressing to her that gifts are not necessary. Dont get me wrong, we wont turn down a pack of diapers or some bottles, but we arent asking for them either. The only other things I can even think of as a remote possibility would be bm storage stuff. I kind of figured that I'd do what I can to make sure MIL makes it clear its just a celebration not a gifting event and if we have anyone insisting on getting something tell them diapers or bottles.

rslhmg

I gave MIL the go ahead to plan something. I asked her to keep it low key and small. The only real stressors about any kind of shower for me are not wanting people to feel obligated to do gifts, and having a plan for dd. Dh said he feels like he has to go since the husbands of a few of our couple friends have apparently been pestered into asking him about it, me not being sure wasnt a good enough answer for the wives I guess lol. MIL is very familiar with dds issues, so hopefully she will take that into account and not invite her entire extended family like she did to dds birthday. We had 70+ people at her birthday party, most of which we hadn't invited, mil had because they were family, it was too much for dd. Not a fiasco I want to revisit in the form of a shower lol. I think as long as she actually takes into account my wishes and dds needs since she will be there, it could be a lot of fun.

CreEspree

@rslhmg Good for you! I'm in a similar situation. Cancelled showers for DS and DD because they were in NICU and I was too emotionally drained for it. My friend finally convinced me to let her throw a shower for this LO. I'm nervous that I won't make it to this shower.. But FX.
I would definitely stress it to your MIL to keep the guest list very small and limited to only those you're close w/. Or you could give her a guest list.. Just to be safe.

rslhmg

I was pretty livid about it, we had her party at the park so we were able to curb some of her freak out by moving away from everyone, but a baby shower in feb doesnt leave the park as an option. I caught hell for months for being a bad hostess and keeping dd away from the group part of the time after her birthday party, but she can't handle that many people, I can barely handle that many people. We had only planned on 20 counting us for her party, so I'm hoping between having to be indoors and insisting we stick to the guest list she keeps it small this time. If she insists on the whole family again she's gonna have to break it into 2 parties so we can keep things managable for DD. I started a small guest list, just trying to figure out how to limit the family without being an outright b**** simce dhs family is so big. My family is easy there are only 9 of us that live in the state and only 5 that would actually attend a baby shower.

punky917

I think you should have it!

VeryBlessedMom

Maybe you should do a registry and just put necessities on the..diapers wipes burp clothes etc...