introverted personality moms

ambrvan

I have been doing a lot of research on introverted personalities (me) lately. I think that may be one of the reasons I have such a hard time with... well, a lot of things. I was wondering if there are any other introverted (truly introverted personalities, not necessarily the same thing as shy or anti-social) moms here. Does it impact motherhood for you and how do you deal with it? What do you do to relax before you reach maximum social overload? Do you also have pretty heavy social anxiety? Sometimes just hearing my kids talk combined with the TV being on can cause my anxiety level to shoot up. I think the anxiety and stress I have over social interaction has a huge bearing on the way I interact with my family and my tolerance level. I'm beginning to think that it's not about my patience, it's about anxiety that comes from never getting time to "recharge." Social interaction is extremely draining for introverts. One night of social interaction can take days of "being a hermit" to recuperate from. And I like being a hermit for the most part. Unfortunately, having kids doesn't allow me that. Ever.

So anyone that can relate? And what do you do to recharge or calm down before that anvil on your chest gets to heavy or your nerves just split in every direction?

ambrvan

I have been in and out of therapy and the consensus is generally that I just need to learn coping and destressing techniques. I am not currently in therapy anymore, although I have no qualms going back or asking for help when I need it and I try to stay tuned into when I get to that point.

Those I have seen (three different ones as I have moved) have all helped me achieve the immediate goals I had and I continued saying them until I simply had nothing more to talk about and my visits were down to about once a month. They have all agreed that I suffer from depression (though I haven't felt that way since about June) and social and control anxiety, have a mild type A personality, am an introvert, and may possibly be bipolar. I do worry about the last part, so I try to stay really aware of my state of mind and mH stays really on board and in tune to me, too.

My dad is bipolar (medicated), and he is about the only person who REALLY understand how I feel. He can usually tell just by taking to me on the phone whether I am level, manic, or depressed. He says he wishes I would try some sort of mood stabilizer, my therapists have all said it might benefit me. I had a bad experience on anti-depressants before, though, and I am very hesitant to try any medication again.

I am going to try instituting mandatory quiet time on the weekends in the middle of the day, and I am going to force myself to take at least 30 minutes for myself after the kids go to bed to.

When I was younger teenager, I remember my mom saying something about wondering if I had Aspergers, but never followed up on it. And honestly I did not even know what Aspergers was until I was grown and still know very little about it. I don't think it would make much difference if I found out now anyway. I think at this point, for me, it's more about figuring how to destress and cope.

I did find a blog written by two introverted moms and join a Facebook group for such yesterday, though, looking for other people with common issues. It was a relief reading what others have written.

ambrvan

What is CBT?

Also, I am not familiar with all the psychological drugs. I was seeing a counselor at the time I medicated, and she referred me to an MD for the Rx (she could not prescribe medication).The MD put me on Zoloft and Xanex. Two and a a half months into it, and I was a mess, to say the least and leave the details out. After that, they said we should try a mood stabilizer with a different antidepressant, but I said, "No thanks, my head is not a guinea pig." I know psyche medicine is not always very concrete, but I was too scared to try anything else.

nurrieum

I've never considered myself an introvert but I have huge social anxiety and need days of recoup from social time and I'm also very hermit like. You described a lot of what I go though. I have pretty high anxiety and depression.

Meds help but because or brain chemistry is all a little different it can take time and someone experienced to help. I empathize, I struggle very similarly, I'm diagnosed border line therapy helped a lot with coping skills but some of being even I just had to figure out myself. My mom and DH have helped a lot. I've never explored the autism spectrum before. This has been an enlightening post though.

Nineoceans

I am probably more introverted and I try to wake up about an hour before anyone else gets up to just recharge, check my emails, have quiet time to think.

On weekends I take advantage of nap times and do things that recharge me like working out or cleaning. I have to catch myself and make sure I don't waste that time watching tv or even bumping because then it goes and I haven't gotten that same happy/endorphin feeling.

My h helps out a ton. If I'm ever over it I just tell him I'm going to take a bath and he knows that's the cue I need some time.

That's all I got :-)

emme022

I can definitely understand a lot of what you're saying.  I have wicked social anxiety so there are times that even the thought of some social event will stress me out for days before it happens.  LO isn't in school or anything yet so I don't have to worry about that but I do think if I wasn't so anxious I would probably try joining a play group or something and making some friends with kids.

To be honest I spend pretty much every day home, and I usually prefer it that way, and unfortunately don't really have any friends, maybe 1 or 2 that I see rarely.  I've tried many times to make friends even though it can be really hard for me, but it never seems to quite work out for me and then I wonder whats wrong with me that I can't get anyone to like me.  Even with a message board like this I get afraid to post etc because I'm afraid people don't like me, i'm intruding etc.

I think taking some time out for yourself every day is a great idea.  I would almost make sure your husband is aware of how your feeling and what that means you might need from him.  When I get really overwhelmed by something when we are out somewhere SO usually is able to key into it and try to help me relax/leave the situation.  

Meds can definitely help some people, and trying them may really help things improve for you.  I have anti anxiety meds to take "as needed" but they don't even remotely help unfortunately.  I am also very med resistant though for whatever reason and have had trouble finding any med that works for me, so I'm not the norm.

Oh also CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy.  From what I understand it has to do with changing unproductive/problematic thinking/behaviors into ones that are more successful(don't think that is quite the right word).  I am sure someone else knows way more about it than me though.  Hope this helped a little? haha

CurlyQ284

I dont know if I'm introverted or not. I used to be really social but now people and making plans irritates me. I definitely need quiet time to unwind. When DS takes a nap I do not do chores. I lie in bed and read my book. He goes to sleep at 7:30 so I get some time to unwind at night.

When SDs are here, DH has a habit of letting them stay up late if they dont have anything in the morning so he can get as much time with them as possible. It drives me insane. I need to have a chat with him before the next visit. He doesnt understand that I feel like my head will explode if I dont have some kid-free time.

DHs presence doesnt seem to count for some reason. If its just the two of us, I dont feel irritable. I mean unless he's being a dick or something.

Wahoo

FWIW, I consider myself an introvert, although I have gotten over the shyness / social anxiety I felt when I was a teenager.  Shy and introverted are not the same things. 

I completely know where you are coming from when you talk about needing to recharge.  I feel that way, too, especially when between work, kids, and chores (making dinner shopping, etc.) I have zero free time.  It has helped a lot that my kids are now a little older and independent, but they are constantly on the go.   Yes, exhausting!!! 

What makes it even harder is that DH is definately NOT an introvert, and neither is DD.  Both need a lot of attention.  Not in a bad, AW, way - but I recognize it is just their personalities.  "Just watch tv with me!!!" and I feel like saying "I don't want to watch tv with you!!!"  Also, I used to rechage while cooking (not that I am good at it, but I was usually left on my own to cook while they occupied themselves).  Now the kids want to help.....ahhhhhhhHHH!  I am caught beween being glad that they want to contribute, to telling them to go away and leave me alone! 

It's not great as a medical resource, but the memoir / book "Look me in the eye" is about a guy (the brother of the guy who wrote "Running with Scissors,") who had no idea he had Asperger's until he was an adult.  He always knew he was different, but never had a dx.

You need to recognize that if you need alone time, or "down" time to recharge - - it's just what you need, like needing sleep, or food or excercise.    Don't feel bad about incorporating it into your schedule, or telling the kids that you need to be by yourself.  Sounds terrible, but I watch scary movies and tell them they can't watch because it's not for kids. 

fellesferie

I'm an unapologetic introvert. I've been testing as INFJ since I was a teen.

For me, it means that I pay attention to our schedule. I don't do more than I'm willing to do; and while sometimes I'm willing to do a LOT, other times I am not. But if I commit myself to do something, I make myself do it even if I don't feel like it. 

DH has no problem giving me an hour or two here and there to go upstairs alone and recharge. Sometimes I need to do that every day, and sometimes weeks go by without it. 

Reading works well for me... the escapism I guess. 

ETA: Like Curly, MH does not seem to 'count' as a a person. I don't ever need away time from him unless he's being difficult or our communication is just off. Everyone else, though--my kids, my parents, friends, etc--I need breaks. 

suburbanstepmom

I am totally with PP. I have previously been diagnosed with having sever anxiety (and depression, but that's another story). I often find it difficult when we are all in the family room or something and there is the television, noise from toys, and talking. It's mental overload for me. So, I will often excuse myself and go wash the dishes or something. Just to be away from the noise for a couple minutes.

SS is very aware for his age (5y/o) and he has gotten used to being quiet or "gentle" around me. When we talk to each other we use inside voices, and stay very calm. He's such a little sweetie.

ambrvan

It's so good to see a few of you say that you tell the kids you need to be alone or you feel like saying "no I don't want to watch tv with you." The problem I think is that in the last few days I've gotten to the point where I've actually told both kids to just leave me alone and that I don't want to do something. I feel instantly bad afterwards but then my irritation with myself makes me more cranky.

My H also does not seem to count. I can be around him ask the time. His presence is comforting.

And I am not a shy introvert either.

I do need to make better use of the firm time that I have. Devotionals, stillness, a hot bath, reading... instead of bumping or surfing the internet or vegging out in front of the TV. I need activities that allow my senses to recuperate.

Thanks, ladies.

ambrvan

Also, DH was working yesterday. I told him I had a rough evening, and he happened to be bringing a patient to a hospital in our county and would be passing our house so he stopped in afterward just to see how I was.

I was already asleep when he came by, but it was nice getting a visit in the middle of the night, nice to know he he really just wanted to check on us.

Pinkpenguin+

emcmac87 said:

To be honest I spend pretty much every day home, and I usually prefer it that way, and unfortunately don't really have any friends, maybe 1 or 2 that I see rarely.  I've tried many times to make friends even though it can be really hard for me, but it never seems to quite work out for me and then I wonder whats wrong with me that I can't get anyone to like me.  Even with a message board like this I get afraid to post etc because I'm afraid people don't like me, i'm intruding etc.

This is me to a T. I constantly over analyze and worry about what I say and how I say things. It seems crazy. I always worry about any social situations, and usually don't end up going to many because of it. I even get anxiety about social gatherings with my family and I love spending time with my family, but I will make myself sick worrying about what is going to happen. And I defiantly need alone time. My (step) granddaughter is here every other weekend, and I adore spending time with her, but by the end of the weekend I'm glad for the break when she leaves. @ambrvan , didn't you have a function at school that your SD asked you to go with her? A mother daughter type thing? Did that happen yet?

ambrvan

Oh I don't even want to bring that you ever again! No it didn't happen, but not because I wasn't going to go. It turned out that you had to buy tickets in advance (all during my work hours), and I didn't even know until the morning of the event when I was looking over the flyer to see what time it started. I felt horrible. Like I cried all day horrible!

Pinkpenguin+

Ohhhh, I'm sorry I brought it up! I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry! :-(

ambrvan

Oh it's ok now. It's been a month. But I felt horrible. SD got over it, but I felt terrible.