Depression

Irishlove16

Today was a really bad day. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today was bad. I pretty much cried all day. I am so worried that I don't even remember what it's like to be completely happy. I feel like I won't be again until we have a baby. I've completely lost myself through this whole journey and don't even know who I am anymore. I've been drinking a lot. A LOT. Since the 2nd miscarriage. Wherever we go, I get a sangria. Lol. It helps to keep me relaxed and calm and not think about everything. Is anyone else feeling this way from time to time? Like I said it comes and goes. But when it's here it's bad. What do you guys do to help calm you down and relax?? Nothing seems to cheer me up these days. I think the only thing that's going to work for me is to start up again right away! Sorry about the vent just really feeling the pain tonight.

Lacyj67

Yes we all have really rough and bad times. I sorry your having some of those days latley. I've always been crafty and pick up a new project to keep my mind busy. I've started quilting. Also we went ahead and started foster adoption. I think in the back of my mind I'm afraid that this second FET will fail and I will have the adoption to keep me going. We really want both either way.. I would like this to work and adopt a child so maybe you can get something to keep you busy.

rlk2

I went through a really bad depression after my third failed cycle. I have a history of anxiety and depression so my doctor and I decided it was best to put me on zoloft and it helped so much. I was then able to really talk things out with my therapist without having a whole session of crying. I feel like a different person. Don't get me wrong, medication is not an easy fix, it's just a tool to aid in the process and there is no shame. And like I said, the therapist was the best decision I ever made! I also try to keep busy but it's not always good to supress your feelings.....I've learned that I would just distract myself so much then things would build up and be catastrophic for me. Pm me if you ever need to talk! I've never had a mc but know how you are feeling in terms of the depression. Stay strong! Lots of love and hugs sent to you!

Irishlove16

Thank you lacy and rlk2 for your responses! It's nice to hear I'm not alone feeling this way. I may need to find a therapist to start speaking with. @lacyj67 tell me about the foster adoption process? Is it a difficult process to apply for? Where are you in the process. That sounds very rewarding. @rlk2 can you proceed with everything while on Zoloft?? Does it help a lot?

rlk2

Zoloft is safe to take during ivf but is a class b drug for pregnancy so my pcp suggested u get off if I ever get pregnant....I take this with a grain of salt because it is always healthier for the baby if mommy is healthy, both physically and mentally. My RE was the one who originally wrote the prescription and I followed up with my pcp. It has helped sooooooo much. I am only on the lowest dose but am actually considering upping the dose slightly because I have some pretty bad anxiety still but the depression has been sooooooo much better. There are always people who say stay clear of meds but depression can be detrimental to your body and mind and is a chemical imbalance. It's the same thing as taking meds if you have high blood pressure....you wouldn't even think twice about that. Feel better!

PurpleIris30

I'm so sorry. I'll second how much a therapist helps. After we learned of my husband's genetic diagnosis (fatal disease with no treatment options right now), I was in a pretty awful place. It definitely helped get me out of the really dark place I was in and we developed a plan for moving forward so that I felt like I could function. Hugs.

luvboston

Hugs Irish! I will be very truthful a therapist helps but will never fix your basic problem that you don't have a baby. I went to a therapist after mc 4 and it helped but then after mc 5 the therapist started to cry and I stopped going. The only thing that helps is looking forward and doing whatever you have to to get what you want and also go to the gym hardcore and find a hobby.

I don't drink because if I did I would be a drunk and when things get bad I take a diazapem.

But go to a therapist. And yoga

poohniki

You are still grieving your loss- this sadness and depression is a natural part of that step. Especially since you are still waiting for tests to come back, it all can be very overwhelming. I've read a few posts from your clinic's social worker and she seems pretty good, and I am pretty sure she does counseling as well. Even though I'm at the same clinic, I go to a social worker who is housed with another clinic for convenience. I find it very helpful to talk things out with someone who understands. ((hugs))

Lacyj67

Irishlove16 said:

 @lacyj67 tell me about the foster adoption process? Is it a difficult process to apply for? Where are you in the process. That sounds very rewarding. @rlk2 can you proceed with everything while on Zoloft?? Does it help a lot?

well we just went to a state program and started learning info. not sure how difficult it is because we are just in the beginning proccess but so far. i wouldn't see why if you were on medication they could deny you.

good luck 

beachy6

My depression comes and goes, too. After my m/c it was the worst. I'm not sure it ever went away after that point. Today probably isn't a good day for me to try and cheer you up, as it's a really bad day for me, but know that you are so not alone. Infertility is so lonely, but at least the people here understand, even if they are all depressed, too. And, sangria is my drink of choice when I'm sad too. Pretty sure that isn't what a therapist would recommend, which is why I avoid them at all costs That probably isn't healthy either!

BzeetyD

I started seeing an IF therapist after our 2nd loss and before we got into IUIs and IVFs. I'm SO glad that I did. Like Luv said, a therapist won't be able to fix your physical baby issues but mine (I've had 2 now, since I felt like I "outgrew" my first) are VERY good at giving my coping skills and tools to help me live the rest of my life. I was also on antidepressants for a bit and that helped me through. I still had a very very hard time in the fall of 2012 and it was really my worst time - but I switched therapists shortly after that and felt a million times better.

I would also HIGHLY recommend finding a RESOLVE group near you. https://www.resolve.org/ We went to a number of meetings and met some people who have become great, real life friends, people who understand and value what you're going through. I also think it's important for both of you to go to these meetings, if other guys are going too. It helped Mister D a ton to see that a) other women feel the way I do, and b) that other guys had the same kinds of feelings and issues that we do.

Hugs and know that SO many of us understand where you're coming from.

Irishlove16

Thank you ladies for all your responses. I truly appreciate it. I've been a little better since the day I wrote this post. But I def still feel the heavy pain I'm carrying with me. I've never heard of RESOLVE but I will def check that out! Thanks for the recommendation Bzeety! I may look into either a therapist or medication. I'm really trying to get myself to want to work out or try yoga or something but this depression keeps me pulling me back down. I know working out would be good so I'm trying to get there! Thanks for your advice!

PrettyAccountant

Many hugs Hun. IF is so hard. I second the seeing a therapist. I started seeing one after I lost the triplets. While she wasn't the right one, it still helped and led me on the path to find the right one for me. I realized that along with depression and anxiety I was having serious anger issues. I hope you find yourself in a better place.