FFFC

Lavender P

It's Friday!!! Anyone?

Lavender P

WTF BM! You sent a text message to DH thinking it was to your husband about how you were going to lie to DH and say that SS was busy and really wasn't and don't have the decency to appologize or feel bad? Then you send a stupid text saying 'I know you think I'm a bitch but it wasn't really a lie because we do have plans.' Right. We think you are a bitch because you are one.

Lavender P

P.s. I know it was supposed to be a FFFC but it turned out to be a WTF because I missed it on Wednesday.

ambrvan

Lavender P said:

WTF BM! You sent a text message to DH thinking it was to your husband about how you were going to lie to DH and say that SS was busy and really wasn't and don't have the decency to appologize or feel bad? Then you send a stupid text saying 'I know you think I'm a bitch but it wasn't really a lie because we do have plans.' Right. We think you are a bitch because you are one.

OMG! What a twit!

Nineoceans

Wow. Fail Bm. Fail.

nurrieum

I'm day late but lets pretend.

I have fibromyalgia, I'm currently going it no meds. Today and yesterday were bad days. I'm trying to turn it around, the pain is tough, peoples judgments suck, and my patience is thin today and it's like my kids sense weakness.

Sorry. Just getting that out. I'm not on any support groups for it and I probably should be.

Amanda88

This is a day late, but I need to vent. 

I am sick and tired of my in-laws, my husband, and living on the same farm as them. I take care of my SS every day, and I treat him as my own. Tonight, my husband says SS is going to spend the night at my in-laws. I had plans, but apparently that doesn't effing matter. They want to spend time with SS that they see all the damn time. Our DS on the other hand, nope. They don't care. They don't want to spend time with him. They never ask about our DS. They never want to spend time with him. They blatantly favor SS over DS. My husband totally encourages it by not saying anything. He just tells me to forget about it, and that I can't change it. That is fine and dandy, but I can be upset for DS. When he cries because his brother isn't here, and that he doesn't get to go spend time with his nana and pawpaw. It kills me. My parents treat them equally, and that was a HUGE deal for my H when we first got together. He said if they ever treated SS differently because he wasn't blood, he would never be allowed over again. Now that his parents treat our son differently it is no big deal. He won't say anything, and I "have to" act like it is okay. I really just want to say FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR PARENTS. Why is it he can't stand up for DS? 

Oh and if SS comes home upset again because my MIL bullied him again, I'm going to flip shit. Last time she told him he wasn't allowed to like the colors pink and purple because they are ONLY FOR GIRLS. Pink is his favorite color, bitch, and you broke his heart. Don't fuck with my kid. 

Feels so much better to get that out. 

ambrvan

Amanda88 said:

This is a day late, but I need to vent. 

I am sick and tired of my in-laws, my husband, and living on the same farm as them. I take care of my SS every day, and I treat him as my own. Tonight, my husband says SS is going to spend the night at my in-laws. I had plans, but apparently that doesn't effing matter. They want to spend time with SS that they see all the damn time. Our DS on the other hand, nope. They don't care. They don't want to spend time with him. They never ask about our DS. They never want to spend time with him. They blatantly favor SS over DS. My husband totally encourages it by not saying anything. He just tells me to forget about it, and that I can't change it. That is fine and dandy, but I can be upset for DS. When he cries because his brother isn't here, and that he doesn't get to go spend time with his nana and pawpaw. It kills me. My parents treat them equally, and that was a HUGE deal for my H when we first got together. He said if they ever treated SS differently because he wasn't blood, he would never be allowed over again. Now that his parents treat our son differently it is no big deal. He won't say anything, and I "have to" act like it is okay. I really just want to say FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR PARENTS. Why is it he can't stand up for DS? 

Oh and if SS comes home upset again because my MIL bullied him again, I'm going to flip shit. Last time she told him he wasn't allowed to like the colors pink and purple because they are ONLY FOR GIRLS. Pink is his favorite color, bitch, and you broke his heart. Don't fuck with my kid. 

Feels so much better to get that out. 

I think our MILs must be related. Things have gotten better between me and my MIL since I finally said F you all and told them how things were going to be. It took four years of DH feeling "put in the middle" before he was actually ok with me saying anything. I still think it is totally his place to deal with it, but since he won't, he has to be ok with me dealing with it. Hmmm... Sounds a lot like the "you have to be ok with my parents acting like dicks" thing.

For us, things have gotten so much better since we finally have dealt with this. The only thing is that it is still tricky to navigate because ILs can hold a grudge forever, and mH can possibly get upset if MIL is upset. It can be tricky. But at least now they all know where I stand, what I demand, and that I will demand respect.

One thing that helped me figure out what to address was to make a list (at the advice of a therapist I was seeing at the beginning of last year) of what I wanted and what I thought needed to change. It was LONG! I put a LOT of thought into it, and it took a while to get sorted out. Then I went through and saw that a lot of the things on there were petty and I could deal with on my own, that it was more about the way I was looking at things. Then mH and I talked about them. We both made some concessions, and we have actually held up everything that we agreed on changing (mostly involving our extended family relationships and how we allow them to affect our immediate family and marriage). Then I talked to MIL and was firm but calm and level. I told her what I wanted and that I would not allow her to run my life or ruin my marriage by pitting us against each other and pointed out how certain things she did (albeit a lot of them unknowingly) were doing just that.

We live across the street from my MIL, so I understand how stressful it can be living so close. And my MIL does the same thing to SD, sometimes. Acts like she is her whole world but does things that end up hurting her. Especially in the way of shaping her image of beauty and self esteem and what is perfect.