Bi-Weekly Wine and Cheese Party

sammer818

Good Morning Lovely Ladies!

It's that time again. This is our bi-weekly check in, condensed version. Feel free to let us know how life is; you can b!tch, you can moan, you can brag, you can cry, whatever you want. Enjoy! 

QOTW: What is your favorite food to eat for lunch? (it's only 9:02am here, but I'm already thinking about what I'm going to eat!)

Enjoy your weekend everyone! Cheers!

• 
• (we went for fried cheese this week!) 

sammer818

Check in: We had our appointment with the fertility clinic yesterday and it couldn't have gone better. Our carrier was also there - she is starting her meds TONIGHT! All of a sudden, things feel like they are moving at break-neck speed! To make it even more unbelievably awesome, our carrier decided to randomly check with insurance and everything she needs to take leading up to the transfer is covered by her insurance. No idea why or how, but we are saving thousands of dollars. I don't know if she was more excited about it or I was! I go in for my baseline ultrasound on the 30th if all goes well and we are looking to an early/mid February retrieval and transfer. I can't believe this is actually starting to happen! 

QOTW:  I loved grilled sandwiches for lunch. Grilled cheese, subs, anything that is toasty on the outside and melty and cheesy on the inside. YUM!

jbasore1123

@sammer818- I love that update! It sounds like everything is moving forward so well! That's amazing that her insurance is going to pay for the meds. Good luck at your u/s tomorrow

jbasore1123

My update: My head is in such a confused place. I posted on TTCAL in the crazy train thread today that I f'ed up on my diet and I'm terrified that I completely ruined my eggs. I was trying to eat healthy for egg quality, but also prevent OHSS, and the diets are contradictory and I didn't even think about that until last night, 4 days into stims. I'm changing things now but I only have a few days more of stims left. I think my egg retrieval should be in about a week. I am crossing every finger I have that we get more eggs and therefore a bigger chance to get healthy embryos this time.
Meanwhile, we are fighting with the insurance to pay for the genetic testing, like we were originally told they would. They've rejected the bill twice. We just sent it in a 3rd time, hopefully 3rd time's the charm.

edit, forgot QOTW
QOTW: Ooo, this is hard. I love sandwiches, which I miss

Rachaeleigh

It's this time again? !

DH and I are just awaiting our 3rd opinion/wtf appointment with a new RE (this is the first RE office I went to but a different RE). We'll be addressing the last year of not getting pregnant, as well as hoping to get a new perspective on the 4 losses.
We will also be expressing some concerns that we had with that office last time and basically how we're coming back due to being just so unsure of what to do next. I think the REs reaction or response will help me decide if I stay there or go back to my 2nd opinion RE office (but with a different dr, since that RE is no longer there as well).

@sammer818 That's so exciting! I'll keep you in my thoughts. I love me a good sandwich as well.

@jbasore1123 Trying to juggle so many things to be healthy is so hard. I won't ask specifics of the diet, Ill go back and read the CT post.

@snegde I have everything crossed for you! Seems like there is a new round of real life pregnant ppl around me as well (

@hawkward I'm glad that you're using your tta time to get healthy. Big hugs.

QOTW: I love big lunches. Right now I'm obsessed with this super food salad mix which includes kale, broccoli, pumpkin seeds, and dried cranberries

EKGibs

@sammer818: things are really moving along! This is so exciting! @jbasore1123: don't beat yourself up over messing up the diet. It's got to be hard keeping up with all of that. ((((Hugs)))) @snegde: I have everything crossed for you! It sucks watching what it seems like everyone around you getting KU.((((Hugs))) @hawkward: good luck with your appointments. Hopefully you can get everything under control! @rachaelhudson: I hope this new RE is great and you can move forward in the right direction! I don't have any new updates. Just wanted to say hey!

EKGibs

Grrrr I hate how my kindle formats stuff. Annoying.

gscoville

As for me I am 7dpo and trying to stay calm myself. Today was just a bad day. Lots of real life other people's pregnancy stuff going on. Then I lurked on PGAL and there are so many of my friends who have moved over there and have beautiful bumps. I honestly don't know what I would do without the women on this board. I am frustrated for all of us, I just want it to be our turn already. Feeling like as much as I try to keep living and moving forward so much is on hold because of this unfulfilled dream. Hugs to all of ya.

((hugs)) I could have written so much of this myself, especially the not being able to really move forward part, it really sucks and I hate that we're all here.

In one week it'll be one year since my scary hour+ sirens-on ambulance ride to the city for emergency ectopic surgery.  Even though for a while after that I was terrified about the possibility of another ectopic, I was still so very hopeful and certain that things would just work out somehow.  It's hard now to think about my year-ago self, happy about our future and blissfully unaware of the pain and heartbreak just ahead, and reconcile that with the cynical, hopeless me that I seem to have become.  It doesn't help that my age lends such urgency to everything, it's becoming way too easy for me to think things just won't happen and start imagining our lives beyond TTCAL.  Hubby seems to be optimistic (not sure if he really is or if he's just trying to be supportive), but I'm just not feeling it these days.  

QOTW:  I love leftovers for lunch, I always try to make lots for supper so we can eat leftovers for days!

jenn0021

@sammer818 - What an awesome update! I am so excited for you and hope that these next few weeks go well and you don't get too stressed out. And how amazing that your carrier's insurance covers so much! Hooray!

@jbasore1123 - I'm sorry that your diet got screwed up, but I hope it doesn't affect your eggs and your retrieval goes well. And I'll be keeping my FX that your insurance accepts the genetic testing bill this time!

@snegde - ((hugs)) hon. This road is tough. I'm in a similar place as you (minus the active TTC) and it sucks. Sorry I don't have any great encouraging thing to say, just know that I understand.

@Hawkward - I'm so glad that you are using your TTA time productively. It's hard to stay motivated but you sound like you're doing well. Hopefully your thyroid issues get sorted out soon.

@rachaelhudson - I hope that your 3rd opinion is a good one and you finally get some answers.

@EKGibs - HI!!!!!

@gscoville - Huge ((hugs)). It's so hard to remain optimistic when everything seems so hopeless, I can relate to how you're feeling on some levels.


As for me, I'm chugging along. Not doing as well as I had hoped but I'm okay. I'm having a really hard week, just getting back to reality and having more time to think. I prefer the busy denial phase of Christmas over life's routine. I miss my Dad, I miss my babies, I miss when life seemed so much happier.

On the TTC front, nothing is new. We were supposed to be referred to a fertility clinic for further testing back in November but after many many many phone calls, I found out this week that they never even received the referral. So while I'm trying to get that sorted out, I'm feeling rather discouraged. It also doesn't help that my sister just had her baby yesterday. It hurts so much to think that they have a baby and we don't. I'm just in a wretched jealous/angry/mad/bitter mood right now and am feeling like total shit. Sometimes, I just feel like giving up on this whole dream of kids. The journey is so heartbreaking.


ETA: I forgot the QOTW! My favourite lunch is leftovers. Since being GF/DF, it's harder to think  up quick and easy lunches. If there aren't any leftovers available, my go to is pasta with pesto or tomato sauce and peas.

EKGibs

@jenn0021: ((((((HUGS)))) You have really been on my heart and mind lately. I hope everything gets sorted out with your referral.

luciddreamer106

@sammer818 I love your update! That’s great news about the insurance coverage.  I hope your u/s went well today.

@jbasore1123 I hope that you still get good results. I think that you drinking Gatorade will have less of an impact because you’ve been cutting back on your carbs in other areas. I’m sorry you’re really worried about it, but I know you’re doing the best you can. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

@snedge We’re cycle buddies! I have everything crossed for you! I’m sure we can all relate to the feeling of being left behind and that life is on hold. You’re not alone. ((hugs))

@Hawkward FX for a good TSH level next week.  I hope that you’re symptoms are improving.

@rachaelhudson I hope that the consult with this RE goes really well. It’s so frustrating when you feel like you’re not getting any answers. Feeling like you’re in the dark sucks.

@EKGibs Hi!

@gscoville ((hugs)) for your approaching loss date. TTCAL is so hard when we have that constant worry in the back of our heads.

@jenn0021 ((hugs)) I hope your referral gets sorted out.

luciddreamer106

Update: I'm a little more than halfway through the 2WW and I keep going back and forth between feeling hopeful and completely discouraged. It makes me feel a little better knowing that if this unmedicated cycle doesn't work, then I'll be restarting the femara. There shouldn't be any reason that I can imagine it will get pushed back again.

QOTW: I like having sandwiches for lunch, though I'm not a big fan of deli meat unless there are a lot of other add-ons (like red onion, avocado, etc.) My favorites are grilled cheese, tuna salad and chicken salad.

jbasore1123

One more update:

Everything in my first monitoring ultrasound today went smoothly. MH went with me in order to sign his part of the paperwork, so it was nice to have someone to share the 3-hour drive with. I appreciated having him there; that is until he decided to chat it up with the nurse while she was performing the vaginal ultrasound. I was sitting there, naked from the waist down, highly uncomfortable, having to pee, and she kept pausing what she was doing to respond back. I was sitting there like, “hello?! Metal rod in my crotch, let’s save this for later and move it along!” I love my husband to death but he needs to pick a better time to ask questions and talk about his job. Maybe I’ll have to remember this and accompany him to a proctology appointment one day, haha.

Aside for the awkward and invasive exam, everything was fine. I’m not sure what my hormones are doing, but I know she counted 14 follicles. She had a very difficult time seeing my left ovary (which caused some pain for me) and could barely see it when she did. There was a cluster of follicles that she couldn’t count. She suspects that there may be others as well. My doctor is keeping my current dosage so hopefully we will see a lot more growth in a couple days. She’s estimating that my retrieval will be in a week.

jenkellen

Hi ladies! Sending this from Deutschland, found out we have internet in our hotel, just not was a little complicated to get sorted out. I told Jap today I successfully broke my camera on day 3 of my trip which is not surprising as I'm a clutz. Anywho, I think I'm around O time, and my husband is hopeful for a miracle German baby and not have to deal with doctor appts, but I said I just want to enjoy vacation and being in a better mental state than we were at this time last year. For that I am grateful. 

ETA: Forgot the question, so my new obesession is this sandwich my coworker made up. Gouda, turkey, hummus, spinach, peppers, on a pretzel bun. Delicious!

@sammer818 - that is INCREDIBLE news sammer! I am so happy for you and your husband. I hope the next few weeks fly by!

@jbasore1123 - your husband and mine need to hang out. That story made me LOL. I'm glad you have a great sense of humor with all these appts. Did you get any answers on your insurance BS?

@snegde - Sorry you are feeling frustrated (((hugs))) I hope you're keeping busy to distract you from the 2ww

@hawkward - hope your appt goes well. Great that you are using this break as a way to get healthier. Kudos!

@rachaelhudson - I hope your next appt goes well with your RE. May I ask, what did your last RE tell you? Continue trying on your own? Oh..and I tried meditation for the first time last week, it was so odd, but I did like it and want to try it again. 

@ekgibs - I just want to give you more good vibes for your appt Friday

@gscoville - Huge (((hugs))) on your upcoming loss date. 

@jenn0021 - I've been thinking a lot about you. It's hard when life moves on the same when such a big part of your life is missing. It sometimes feels like a mix of guilt and sadness. So many  (((hugs)))

@luciddreamer106 - I hope the 2ww goes by quickly and you won't have to bother with your RE. 

Rachaeleigh

@jenkellen Yes, two REs have said keep trying and all testing has shown nothing to be wrong. I'm so glad you tried meditation!

jbasore1123

@jenkellen Nope, no word back yet. They said 3-5 business days. Tomorrow makes 5.

toomanycats1

@Sammer818 - So glad things are going smoothly for you!  How great is your carrier for finding out her insurance covers the meds!!?  Super lucky!

@jbasore1123 - So sorry you're mixed up about the diet.  I've been trying to modify my diet based on the Endo/PCOS recommendations, and I keep getting conflicting information.  Why can't things be more clear?  You've done your best, so try no to be too hard on yourself.  FX all goes well with the retrieval!  Oh, and sorry your DH picked the wrong time to be "chatty".  I could totally see that being awkward and unpleasant for you :P

@snegde - You aren't alone in how you feel.  I want it to be your turn too! I always lurk on PGAL (can't help it), but find it difficult when I do.  Happy for them, sad for me.  I try to be happy with my life as it is, but a big part of me won't feel whole until we have our rainbow.  I worry what will happen if we never get one...

@Hawkward - I think that's great you're trying to get into better health!  I've been trying as well, but it's so hard.  FX your thyroid issues are resolved and you can burn the bench soon!

@rachaelhudson - I hope all goes well at your RE appointment.  Hopefully you will get some answers, and be able to decide whether to stick with that office, or move on to the 2nd opinion one. Trust your gut :-)

@EKGibs - Hey to you! Hope all is well :-)

@gscoville -  You aren't alone in how you feel.  You sound exactly like I do!  DH is hopeful as well, and I'm just not.  We both seem to be at the same point in the road, and that makes me sad.  So many ((hugs)) for you!  (By the way, did you know a Skype consult with KRFC is covered by MSP or you can do a phone consult for $140.. I'm doing it!  Also, watch the Sherlock finale!).  

@Jenn0021 - So many ((hugs)).  The office submitting your referral can put a note on it to back-date it.  Definitely mention it to them!  Hope you get an appointment soon.

@luciddreamer106 - FX for you!

@jenkellen - Hope your husband is right and you end up with a "miracle German baby!".

AFM: I haven't updated in a few weeks because I just haven't been in a great place since this last m/c.  3 in a row has me feeling defeated and pretty sure it will just keep happening until we can get answers.  We have decided to move on to a Fertility Clinic... unfortunately all our choices are at least an 8 hour drive away.  The logistics of how much work we are going to have to put into this has me anxious to say the least!  Pretty sure I know where we are going to start though, so that's one thing at least.  I just want to get the ball rolling on this as soon as I can... it is what it is I guess, might as well jump right in.   

QOTW:  I love sandwiches!  Grilled cheese is the best, but not exactly healthy (plus I'm not supposed to have cheese).   PB n' J is my favourite "go to" lunch.  It's easy to make, and keeps me from wanting to snack right away because of the protein :-)  

buggirl72

@sammer818 - what a fantastic update! I hope everything keeps moving smoothly forward for you.

@jbasore1123 - (((hugs))) Try not to be too hard on yourself about your diet. You have made a lot of really positive changes and did pretty much everything you can possibly do at this point. I'm also hoping that you have a lot more follies that were hiding on that left ovary and that your end up with a ton of healthy, beautiful embabies.

@snegde - so many ((((hugs)))) being sent your way. There are so many things about this process that are unfair and hard. I love our PgAL and PAL ladies but some days I just can't help but be frustrated because we are still stuck on this side.

@Hawkward - I hope your TSH levels come back where they should and that you can get back to the RE.

@rachaelhudson - I hope this appointment goes well and that you end up with some answers.


@EKGibs - Hi!

@gscoville - ((((hugs)))) I think it's healthy to imagine your future with your family the way it is right now. There is only so much of this we can control and, at a certain point, only so much we can continue to do. I love that your H is still optimistic though and I hope this next medicated cycle works for you.

@jenn0021 - Just so many ((((hugs)))) being sent your way and I'm so glad they got your appointment made!

@luciddreamer106 - FX for you on this cycle! Having a plan moving forward always makes me feel a little better about this process.

@jenkellen - I'm glad you are enjoying your vacation and sorry about your camera!

@HelloSweetie1 - Oh wow! I'm glad you made the decision to move on to the fertility clinic and I hope they are able to work with your local doctors for monitoring and such.


My update  -   A couple weeks ago I lurked on the Adoption board and managed to just freak myself out and have to take a big step back from the boards in general.  After having DH agree to donor eggs and then having that immediately pulled off of the table because of cost, I worry that we will end up in the same spot with adoption.  DH is supposed to check with his work on what they cover - I have not pushed him on that. I'm also struggling with the finality of all of this. I feel like moving in that direction is an acceptance of the fact that I will probably never have a BFP again and, even if I do, it will not be viable.

For the next three months I am taking all of the supplements that my last RE recommended. I feel like I'm swinging for the fences. I'm tired of temping, I'm tired of always being worried about timing, I'm tired of worrying that TTC may hurt our relationship, and I'm tired of knowing that I am no where near accepting and being at peace with never having children.

I try to remind myself of how much of a miracle that I ever got pg in the first place was and how much of a gift those 20 weeks were. That was something that was never supposed to happen to me. But why? Why give me that hope after I accepted that it would never happen only to take it away and put me on this journey?

jenn0021

@buggirl72 - Just huge huge ((hugs)). This road is so hard.

toomanycats1

@buggirl72 - I hate that you've struggled so much already, and are continuing to face obstacles at every turn.  I don't know why you were given hope, only to have it taken away.  I struggle with the lot I've been dealt to.  I do know one thing though... it's ridiculously unfair, and I hope everyday that things will work out in the end.  Sorry the cost of donor eggs was so high!  DH and I used to discuss adoption a lot when we were first married, and thought we would like to give a child that needed one a happy home (this was before even TTC).  Now it just looks like too much to go through.  I've lurked the adoption board as well, and it looks like there's a lot to learn, and even more hurdles to jump through.  I'm not surprised it freaked you out one bit.  Can you call your husbands insurance provider to find out what they cover?  You would understand the "medical speak" more than he will anyway :P  So many ((hugs)).  

luciddreamer106

@jbasore1123 FX that those follicles continue to develop and you can get a good number at your ER.

@jenkellen FX for a German baby!

@HelloSweetie1 I’m glad that you’ve decided to move on to a specialist. I hope you’re able to work out the logistics so it’s not overwhelming for you.

@Buggirl72 ((hugs)) This journey is so hard and so unfair.

Rachaeleigh

jenn0021 said:

@buggirl72 - Just huge huge ((hugs)). This road is so hard.

This. I wish there was more to say @buggirl72 but there just isn't. So many t&p coming your way

Hugs to you as well @hellosweetie1. I kept getting so excited yesterday having a plan but then keep thinking well so what if I get pregnant? I've had 4 losses, why won't it happen again? But I keep going, just like you with the fertility clinic