Faith Friday

schulme2

Do you find you are still angry with God? How did you/ do you get past it?

What other feelings toward God have you been holding onto since your loss?

Any new revelations or struggles this week?

kflynn81

I've personally been mad at God for quite awhile. First, my best friend passed away suddenly early August last year. She had a four year old and it was the most difficult thing for a lot of people including myself to comprehend. I already had issues with my faith since we were having such an epic struggle to get pregnant and everyone around me had kids/were pregnant. Then literally two weeks later we found out our frozen transfer worked and I was pregnant. We went back to church thanking God for the gift.... Only to have now him taken away too. Everyone says he has a purpose I don't see it. That's my major struggle. I always thought my infertility journey was to appreciate the child I got. I more than appreciated Jack so what lesson am I supposed to get from him gone? People also keep telling me God must think I'm so strong to give me this all to handle. Maybe I need to become weaker so he starts passing things on to someone else.

schulme2

@kflynn81 I'm so sorry you still hold so much anger. I kind of do too. I'm getting to the point of letting it go. That was my New Year's Resolution, "to let go of the anger and embrace the family we have now." It hasn't been easy. I totally hear you on the "you're so strong" thing and the "lesson you're supposed to learn". I have felt exactly the same. I think I used to be strong but this has made me so much weaker. And I too thought our lesson was from our struggle to conceive so we could really appreciate the life we create and had no idea how much worse it could get. I have come to the realization, however, that I don't get to know what the plan is. I don't get to know what lesson this is teaching me until I am in heaven with my daughter and God. I wish we could know, that would make this struggle a little easier if we knew where we'd come out on the other side but we can't. It's not ours to plan and it's not ours to accept or deny.

bunnybun4

@kflynn81 @schulme2

This may or may not help at all...but this helped me a lot:

for months I really struggled with the purpose of Bunny's death.  It hurt to explain things....I would feel myself wanting to explain the good things that had happened (ie: I was a stronger person, I saw the world differently, etc. etc....but I would stop myself because I felt like I was saying that she had to die to make these things happen and I hated feeling that way.

finally after months of therapy these words came out of my mouth: There was no purpose in her death but her LIFE was what had purpose.  Her short few days that I carried her had so much purpose and meaning...that was God's plan...HER LIFE.  her death was something tragic and terrible but her life changed me.

stefuge

Do you find you are still angry with God? How did you/ do you get past it?
I honestly haven't felt anger at God. It may still come. I guess I just have faith that there is a reason for this, and that even though Colton's life was so very short, there was still a purpose. I know not everyone finds comfort in knowing that God has a plan, but I do. He knew the length of Colton's life from the beginning and I can trust that there is a greater purpose in all of this.

Any new revelations or struggles this week?
Someone asked me this week if I have learned anything about myself through all of this, and I answered that I had no idea how deep my faith ran. I knew I had faith in God before but it wasn't until the bottom fell out of our world, and I found myself clinging to that faith that I saw how deep it was. I have also thought that I was so strong through all of this and realized this week it isn't my strength at all. It is Christ holding me up and comforting me. Giving me a purpose to get out of bed every morning. On my own, I would be a mess. With His comfort and peace I can get through each day.