Pregnant in Tracy, CA, looking for other LGBT parents or parents to be

ebrumini9782

Hi, I'm Eden and my wife-to-be's name is Molly. We're looking to find other LGBT families in our area, or not too far from our area, to connect with. We're 6 weeks along with our first baby and due on September 3rd. We have other pregnant friends and friends with children but we are the first lesbians expecting a child among our friends and there are some things that have come up in our pregnancy that some straight couples may not run into. We're hoping to find more LGBT couples to talk to, share with, and hopefully meet some new friends.

Manada

My US geography is terrible, but @herbabymama is in Northern CA somewhere and is totally lovely! 

Mystjava

Don't forget @jazbiel who's close by to you...!

ebrumini9782

Neither Monterey nor Sacramento is much if a drive for us and we are constanti driving all around Northern California. When are you're due dates or are you already parents or trying to conceive? We would love you have a community of LGBT parents in the Northern California to be able to support and meet up with

Jazibel

Hi - we're in Pleasanton not too far from you. :-). PM me and let's connect!! We're 24 weeks with our second.

I know lots of LGBT families in Sonoma county and the East Bay, but none in our area yet.

trisholio

I wish I lived in Northern Cali, but I live in Ohio :-(  But I am also 6 weeks along and due 9/2.  So we are pretty darn close.  This is a wonderful online community, but it is great to find people in your area too.  

I hope you stick around and share your story on here.  We have 'themes' each day and all different types of discussions.

rkbo

Dang, all these Norcal ladies, Am I the only one in SoCal?

aslmander

I wish i was in CA too!! im in missouri

ebrumini9782

@Flygirl1228 Thank you soo much for your input and recommendations. Although Sacramento is a bit of a drive for us, we want to be surrounded by other couples like us. Since this whole process started we realized that this experience is so different than that of heterosexual couples and there has been so many things that have came up that I never would have thought of before. It would be great to connect and meet with people who can help us through this process, as well as us give our insight, 

ebrumini9782

@Jazibel OMG it is so exciting to know someone who lives in the same hometown that I grew up in. We would love to connect with you !

ebrumini9782

@trishollo Even though you moved, it is still great to have support all around the country. We are sad you moved though, but hope you love your new home! We are due 9/3 so we are right on the same track. 

ebrumini9782

@herbabymama. So glad to meet another LGBT couple and that you share the name of my partner is even better. Congratulations on your little one, she is absolutely adorable. Did you or your wife, whichever was not the one to be pregnant have any difficulty with going through the process and dealing with the non biological aspect of making a family. PM if its too personal, but I would love to get feedback from other non-bio moms as to what their experience was.  

ebrumini9782

@Flygirl1228 Have you experienced any worries or fears in regards to not only the publics view as yourself as a parent since you are not the biological parent, or feared your child will view you a different. I've been experiencing a lot of fears in regards to not being the non biological mother. I don't know how to deal with how the the public will view me as a parent, as much as I know that I will be just as much as a mother as my partner. Please share your experience as I am struggling very hard with this. 

Jazibel

@flygirl1228 - I totally agree that love is love :-). And that we create our own families. When EV is out with Kaden everyone assumes she's the bio-mom & vice versa. When we're together and someone asks "whose the 'mom'" (it doesn't happen all that often) we answer "we both are". Occasionally we'll share our family story, maybe TTC, pregnancy, birth related info. But those conversations are with people that we want to engage with and our friends, etc. I don't believe that anyone has treated EV as the non-mom. In fact I'd say the biggest discrepancy is that I'm home with Kaden and EV works FT. Not being home was/is probably EV's biggest challenge. Luckily she took all of her FMLA (6 weeks) and she was off work (not intentionally but it ended up being a blessing in disguise) for 6 months. That added up to a lot if time with Kaden & me over the past year-ish.

I started writing this earlier and just jumped back in :-).

I also think @herbabymama had great suggestions. There are tons of ways to connect with the birthing process and early child rearing. It's true too that everyone will have (and perhaps also want) a different experience. For instance EV never wanted to be a "mom". She has her own awesome and special relationship with Kaden. But diapers, nursing, bottles, and all the daily care stuff isn't really her thing. Not that she's not great at baby care and she does a ton, but I'm the primary care person. Kaden has a different relationship with us because of it. For instance he tries to get my attention first if he's hungry.

EV and Kaden have an amazing relationship. He adores her and has so many of her mannerism. He loves to be around her, playing, reading books, etc. EV is a great and patient teacher. Many of the solutions we've adopted in our parenting process have originated from her. And if he was super fussy as a baby she was the only one who could get him to sleep.

Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is that we've sort of made this up as we went along finding a unique path that works for our family. Our pregnancy was a great time to begin laying that foundation.

We also part- took in a LGBT birthing class in the East Bay. It was really nice to connect with other families going through similar things. I can send you the info if you want.

Jazibel

Check out Maia midwifery dot com - there's a class in Seattle too. :-)

Ours was over a weekend Fri- Sun so it made it easier to schedule. We drove in from Sonoma County - but totally worth it.

ebrumini9782

@Flygirl1228. We would love to do that together!

ebrumini9782

Thank you everyone for your replies. It really helps knowing that there are other people out there in my place and are dealing with it just fine. I know that love is love and it doesn't matter what the public thinks as far as who is the biological mom. My partner always tells me that our baby wouldn't have been conceived without me because I was very involved and the main person who coordinated it all. I do fear at times what our child will say/think when it is older and asks questions.
@jazibel where is the east bay LGBT birthing class?
@Flygirl1228 I totally agree with you about the whole family thing. I grew up with two families and I consider my non blood family more of family than my own.
@herbabymama I talk to my partner a lot whenever I am having these anxieties and she always reassures me that I am just as much of a mom as she is. I'm just scared about not experiencing the same things that she gets to experience. And you don't know how much of a relief it is for me to hear that I am able to put my name on the birth certificate. I think that was my biggest fear, having to adopt my own child. It literally brought tears to my eyes reading that it means the world