Upset with daycare re naps

Amer0317

Hi ladies. I've been a lurker on this board for awhile now. I figured I'd ask your advice on a daycare issue. My LO, W, has never been a great napper. However he was sleeping through the night, so I figured he was getting the majority of his zzz's then. He started daycare around 15 weeks when I went back to work (teacher) at the end if August. It takes walking and bouncing to get W down for a nap usually. Daycare has always had a hard time getting him to nap. Since going back to work, W no longer sleeps through the night. His naps used to be 30 mins, as of him last being at daycare they were up to 45. There was an incident at the beginning of December where W only took one morning nap and he was a terrible mess when I picked him up (extremely overtired). I ended up talking to the center director bc lots of little things had built up and if they are only napping him once, he is not being taken care of, which is why we decided on a center rather than (free) family bc we are paying them for a service. I understand he's not the only baby in the room, and they need to tend to other children. I've even come to terms with the fact he only takes 2 45 min naps while there, even though on the weekends he takes 3-4 naps. I've been on Christmas vacation for the last 2 weeks. Then we had a few snow days. Working hard on naps over the break, I've gotten W into the habit of taking a 1.5 he nap in the morning and a 1-1.75 he nap in the afternoon (he's 7.5 mos old now). We decided to send W to daycare today for a half day to ease him back in (and so I could lesson plan and get some stuff done). He took a 1.5 hour nap this morning. DH dropped him off at noon-thirty and picked him up at 5:30. No nap!!! His teacher was gone for the day, the infant rooms were combined. And there was no note on his sheet like "tried to nap W" or anything. I'm just so upset and feel like this is the last straw, that I should pull him. I know it was his first day back and I expected a crappy nap, I didn't expect no nap. How would you feel? Am I overacting? (Also-His lead teacher was recently promoted to assistant center director and the assistant that was there when he started went back to school, so there's a new lead and assistant since September.) Just looking for advice. A million internet cookies if you read all this. Thank you!!

ccam

DS's naps are completely different at home then they are at DC.  He is just going down to one nap at home now, meanwhile, he's been down to one nap for months at DC.  

That being said, I feel like at 7.5 months, they should at least be attempting to put your LO down for a nap in the afternoon.  Even if DS got 30-45 minutes in the afternoon at that age, it made a huge difference!  That's a long time for a 7.5 month old to be up.  Do they normally note if they attempt to put him down for a nap?  Our daycare will write down if he refuses a nap, so at least we know they attempt.  So no, I don't think you're overreacting.  I don't know that I'd necessarily pull my LO out, but I'd definitely speak to his teachers.

MoreThanABride

I think you are overreacting, but I would ask if they tried to have him map in the afternoon and make sure they know what you want as far as naps.

jennyelf

My little one napped great at home on weekends (didn't even need rocking to be put down) but never napped really well in the infant room. I know the teachers tried, but since naps were on demand in that room, there was often another infant that was awake, and if anyone else was doing something, my infant wanted nothing to do with naps.

It sucks, and my LO was exhausted most days when we picked him up. But really, there wasn't much that could be done. Things got a lot better when he moved to Pre-Toddlers where all the kids nap at the same time.

Our sheet never read if they tried to put him down for nap, just the times he actually did nap. Are you sure they aren't trying and your kid is just not falling asleep? Do they normally mark nap attempts?

Also PP is correct, babies change their sleep patterns so much through the first year. STTN for a few months in a row, then not for another few months. And back and forth again week after week.

djm31012

DS is 11 mos old and just never naps great at daycare....alot of times he will take 2 30-45 min naps and then he will come home and take another 30 min nap at 5pm. I allow this bc he still goes down to bed at 730pm and he naps great at home on the weekends and on days off. as long as they are trying to nap him (whether they succeed or not) i dont think you can ask for much more.  Have you tried giving them things to help his sleep there? Maybe a lovey, or a sleep sheep to drown out the noise, something like that?

sillygirlio

I assure you, daycare is not keeping your child awake on purpose!  I've been working with children and babies for 10 years, there is not a DCP in the world who wants a baby that doesn't nap.    The fact is, babies are people and you can't MAKE them do anything.  You can rock them, you can give them a solid routine, you can be beyond consistent, and they are still the one who decides what they're going to do. 

Also, I know you're paying for a service, and you should get most of what you want, but the truth is that when you choose to put your child in daycare you do have to relinquish some control.  Many daycares aren't going to have the capacity to spend an unknown amount of time rocking a baby to sleep.  They have a million things to do!  I will tell you honestly, I don't rock any of the babies to sleep here.  I put them in their crib and they fall asleep... and if they come to me NOT being able to do that, they learn!  I suspect we're going to disagree, but I think it's a disservice to your child to rock them to sleep if you're unable to be a stay at home mom.  It gets them used to something that likely can't be duplicated for them in other circumstances.  I know each child is different, but in 10 years I have only met one child who was unable to adjust, (I suspect it was because Mom refused to sleep train at home, he slept in her arms.) and I have cared for hundreds of children.

That was sort of a tangent, sorry.  I guess my question is what would you like the daycare to do differently?  Are all the babies expected to sleep and play in one room?  If that's the case you might be better off in a home daycare or a center with separate sleep/play rooms.  Many babies will not sleep with even an ounce of distraction.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  A tired baby is a miserable baby.

eyenigh

djm31012 said:

DS is 11 mos old and just never naps great at daycare....alot of times he will take 2 30-45 min naps and then he will come home and take another 30 min nap at 5pm. I allow this bc he still goes down to bed at 730pm and he naps great at home on the weekends and on days off. as long as they are trying to nap him (whether they succeed or not) i dont think you can ask for much more.  Have you tried giving them things to help his sleep there? Maybe a lovey, or a sleep sheep to drown out the noise, something like that?

This was my son, too. When we was that young, his naps at day care were always terrible so he'd usually take a quick 30-45 minute nap when we picked him up and he'd go down normally at night. He forever napped terribly in the infant room since everyone was sort of on their own schedule. When he moved to the toddler room, where everyone takes a group nap, things improved a ton. he does really well with the routine and quiet that the group nap brings.

rubber_chicken

From 12 weeks - 15 months my daughter was in the infant room at her center. She napped HORRIBLY.  Sometimes she would only take 2 15 minute naps.  She always napped well at home, but at school there was just way too much going on.  Why would a baby nap when they could play?

At 15 months she moved to the toddler room, where the entire room takes one afternoon nap together.  Now she naps beautifully at daycare, for 1.5-2 hours.  Of course, now she naps terribly at home on the weekends :P

Honestly, I think you're expecting something that a center can't provide.  If this is a dealbreaker for you, maybe you need to look into at home centers or nannies.

Tink112011

I think in the grand scheme of things, you will look back and wonder why you worried so much about your LO's napping tendencies.  My DS was just like yours - a craptastic napper.  It is what it is, and chances are he will never be a super napper at daycare.  Despite everyone's efforts, DS could never sleep longer than 45 minutes at daycare.  He survived, it didn't harm him.  Even to this day he is not a super long napper (about 1 90 minute nap a day), but he sleeps well at night.

I came to realize that daycare teachers weren't all that concerned about his napping because it's really not worth getting that upset about.  They do what they can.  If your LO doesn't want to nap, they cannot make him. He is likely too aware of all of his surroundings and the activity around him.

Being hyper-vigilant about it kinda of makes you "that" FTM.  People have second, third, etc. children all the time, and the infant's nap schedule does not get catered to. And those infants turn out just fine.  Do your best and just focus on getting your LO to bed early and reinforcing good night time sleep habits.

jlaOK

Like many of the PP's, DS napped great at home and never really napped well at daycare.  I agree with @sillygirlio that they aren't keeping him up on purpose.  You need to talk with daycare about their nap times and what they do to get your DS to sleep.  The best thing you can do is try and match their schedule (to keep his weekends consistent to his weekdays), give them tips to get him down, and work on getting him to sleep on his own.  They aren't going to be able to walk and bounce him before every nap and quite frankly getting him to fall asleep on his own will be better in the long run.  Finally, remember that you and they can only do so much.  He just might not be a good napper at daycare.

peekaboo716

I had the opposite experience of the others in that my DS napped great at DC and horribly at home. I think he liked the buzz of the center, and home was too quiet!

I would just talk to the daycare about their napping philosophy. Make sure you agree with how they try to put babies down for their naps. Also, ask them to put on there if they tried to get W to sleep. IME of 3 different centers, the teachers were willing to add things to the daily sheet as I asked. GL!

rubber_chicken

For some reason, the bump decided to post this twice.

Amer0317

Thanks for the feedback. FTR-it only takes DH or myself 5 mins or less to put W down. Maybe I am that mom, but I feel they should be able to cuddle my boy for 5 mins, even in spite of having other children. Especially bc I've been told he's a "happy, chill" baby, so I know he is not too high maintenance during the day. We do have a pretty solid bedtime routine. He kind of dictated it when we started daycare-he's had enough by 6:30 at the latest (which means I get minimal after work baby time, which makes me sad). I have discussed at great lengths my napping expectations with daycare. And one of the things that sold me on this place was their "we follow your schedule" philosophy. (Which isn't the case if he's not napping at all!!) update: His morning nap was crappy today (40 mins), but he did take an hour and a half afternoon nap! Thanks again for the insight, sometimes it's hard to be objective when it's your own child.

laurakaz13

My DD was also a crappy napper in the infant room, but a 2-4 hour napper at home on weekends.  It is what it is.  If you want one on one time for your LO, get a nanny.  Otherwise, you have to realize there are several other babies in the room who also need attention.

Of course, I don't over think this.  DD always slept and ate on demand during the day and that is exactly what my center did.  When she turned 2 there was a set schedule, but not prior to that. 

MNgirl326

You are overreacting.  A lot of kids nap differently at daycare then at home.

Many kids nap poorly at daycare because there is so much going on.

Also, kids go through waves where they STTN and then go through waves where they don't.  Even my 3 1/2 year old will go through waves where he suddenly starts waking up in the middle of the night. 

Take a minute and breathe.  And remember that things get busy in the infant room and sometimes they forget to write things down.  Especially if there has been a lot of transition in the room with the teachers and kids, so it is possible that they tried to get him to nap and didn't and forgot to write it down.

If I pulled my kid from daycare every time things didn't go EXACTLY the way I wanted them to go, he would be one his 10th daycare.   You need to relax a bit and know that your child is safe and cared for and you will KNOW when and if something is really wrong. 

emberlee3

I would ask DCP to try for 2 naps and keeping a routine. Beyond that I would let it go. DD naps longer at home than at daycare. She goes to bed a little earlier during the week to make up for it.

JJ_13

I don't think you're overreacting. My LO was a tough napper too. Like yours. I think infant sleep is very important and I do not like getting a wrecked child in the afternoon due to lack of sleep. Your situation is the precise reason we switched from center daycare to small (2 babies) in home daycare. LO now gets the sleep she needs. Just my experience.

DTNZ4Ever

DS will be 5 in March and he started DC at 12 weeks. He has always been a horrible napper at DC compared to home. Even to this day he will nap better at home then DC. I learned to let it go and know on DC days he would be tired and it met earlier bedtimes. Yes it sucked when he had to go to bed at 6:30 but over time we have extended that later. We always have followed the daycare schedule at home so it would be consistent. I always wanted to make it easier on DC since they have so many kids to take care of.

RibbitGrl930

Overreacting. Babies' sleep patterns can change umpteen times in the first year. Also, some kids may not nap well at daycare at first (or for the first time after an extended absence) because of either being overstimulated or just being curious of the new surroundings. It also can be indicative of him bonding with his caregivers or classmates- showing he wants to spend more time with them. It's not always a bad thing. If he won't go down for a nap, they can't make him. Would you rather they be like that DC that was shut down for a laundry list of infractions, one of which was the DCPs literally holding down babies forcing them to nap?

If regulating his sleep pattern is so important, then it sounds like he may need the one-on-one care of a nanny or smaller home daycare.

ASmallWonder

I hate to do this but, as a mother of one, you have no idea how hard it is to do ANYTHING for one child for 5 entire minutes when there are other kids around.  I can barely get my baby to sleep if my older son is around.

Amer0317

I appreciate all the responses. @elmoali-Actually, as a teacher with 24 kindergarteners, I get that it is difficult. However, I am able to do one-on-one with my students at various times throughout the day. Do all 24 get individual time each day? No. But with a ratio of 1 to 4, I think they should be able to spend 5 minutes with my son. (Especially since he holds his own bottles, so I know they don't spend time feeding him those.)

Yes I do think I initially overreacted, however, due to other issues with that daycare as well, I am looking into switching.

ASmallWonder

Well I'm sorry to disagree but kindergarten kids and babies are different.  I'd bet money at least one of those kids is having a breakdown during those 5 minutes or needs a change.  I'm not saying they should never try.  I'm just saying that what seems easy to you at home with your one kid isn't always easy or possible at daycare.  On top of that, just because your LO goes down for you in 5 easy minutes doesn't mean that's how it works there at all.  My daycare son and my at home son are totally different animals.

Amer0317

Yes, kindergarteners and babies are different. I was merely disagreeing with the idea that "as a mother of one, you have no idea how hard it is to do ANYTHING for one child for 5 entire minutes when there are other kids around", in all actuality, I totally understand how difficult it can be.

ASmallWonder

I honestly wasn't trying to be condescending but I still maintain that doing something 1:1 for a kindergarten kid isn't the same.  If something goes "wrong" with one of the other kids, you deal with it and go back to the first kid and pick up where you left off.  You know as well as anyone that when you're trying to get a baby to sleep, you can't just stop the process to do something else that requires your immediate attention and pick up without issue.  That initial 5 minutes gets reset and you start over.  Depending on how much attention the other kids needs, a 5 minute process can easily stretch to many instances of  5 minutes