Interview advice- to show the bump or not-- UPDATE

jshrop

Okay ladies, I need some advice. I had an interview for a job yesterday. I wore a cardigan with lots of hanging layers to hide the bump. I know that the interviewer is calling my references now (they told me.) here's my predicament. If I get the second interview, should I be more open about the bump? (Ie not hide it behind a ton of fabric) my girlfriend feels I'm being deceitful to a potential employer by not telling them, I on the other hand, am concerned I won't get the job. I have no intention of filing for unemployment or whatever when the baby comes. I just want to know that if I take a month off when the baby's born I'll still have a job. Any advice? Do I hide it for the second interview, or put it out there? I'm 18w3d btw. It's difficult to hide now and will be impossible soon.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I had the first interview, it went great. Hid the bump, no mention of babies, kids, or whatever. Just the job. Had the second interview today. It went awesome. I was less "hiding" the bump, just wore a blazer and scarf. Wasn't on display, but wasn't hidden either. So, near the end of the interview (that was FANTASTIC) they start talking benefits, time off, expectations, ect. At this time I have my damn conscience rear it's stupid head. I say "I have no need for health insurance ect at this time, however I should let you know that I'm 4.5 months pregnant. I do have a nanny already lined up with a backup child care provider for returning to work. I estimate I'll need approximately 1 month off in June but I'm willing to work from home if needed. I'm looking for a position that will still be open when I return." The female interviewer was great, saying that's wonderful and kept on with her deal, like I was getting the job. The male interviewer said, "well, let's everyone take a few days and make sure this is what you want and what we want, and we will be in contact by mid-week." I feel pretty deflated, which is a shame because it'd be a perfect fit for me. Any advice at this point, or just wait and see? It's been a long time since I've had to interview for a job and I'm worried I royally screwed myself.

ElTrain5

I wouldn't go out of my way to show it off.  It's illegal for them to not offer the job to you based on pregnancy, but I would be afraid they'd do it anyway (Just like you wouldn't expect a man to disclose that his wife is pregnant when interviewing, even though he may take paternity leave).  Don't feel bad about waiting to get hired to tell them.  Those protections are built into the law for a reason, you shouldn't have to give up a great job just because you are having a baby.  If you still feel bad, just think, you'll be dedicating so many great years to this company that the maternity leave will barely be a blip on the timeline.  Good luck!

curlylocks3

I would not show it off either. Depending on when your interview is it might be more obvious but I'd not draw attention to it. I would, however, disclose before accepting the position. 

jshrop

Thanks ladies! That was my thought too, don't worry about until I get a job offer. She was just putting serious doubts in my head saying "you'll be starting off with a lie. You need to tell them." I just figure if I did tell them I wouldn't get it.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

hlp2709

I was 36 weeks with my first child when I had an interview no way to hide the bump. I also know someone who was heired at the same time as me who was about as far long as you are know. I say go with the flow and if you think the interview went good then for the second one wear something that might show the bump or have a scarf on to help hide it just a little. Sometimes being up front with an employer is important.

MrsCase1

This is an issue I would address once an offer has been issues. Until then, the focus should solely be your qualifications for the job, not your personal status. After an offer is extended, than it is the ethical thing to mention, IMO.

katekat8721

I would still hide it.

BabyCurtiss2014

Hide it! They should not give you or not give you the job based on the fact that you are preggo. Once you get the formal offer then you can discuss w them

arekeweg

I am a manager and do hiring.  I agree with the PPs to continue to hide it if possible.  Yes, it is illegal for them to a) ask if you are pregnant b) not give you the job only because you are pregnant.  I hate to say it but if it's obvious and they have any reason not to hire someone who is expecting, as long as they have documentation that you are not the most qualified candidate, there would be no getting around it.

As others have said, once offered the job be open at that point and discuss maternity leave options.  Know that some companies give less time for maternity leave if you are newer to a job.  I have a co-worker whose wife has been with her company for less than a year and they just had a baby in December.  She doesn't get much time at all.  He is lucky enough that our employer is flexible and is working from home for a month.

Good luck!

hopin4babies

I guess I am the only one that would not hide it. The way I see it is that if you tell them or don't necessarily hide it then they will see you as an honest person. I just prefer honesty though (not that you are lying by hiding it). I just know that I am nervous enough when starting a new job so I would want to make sure that I wasn't going to feel awkward because I hid it at the interview. Besides if you let them know then at least you can ask questions (if you want to) regarding taking time off for appointments or maternity leave before you take the job. I wouldn't want to take a job and then have to let them know some time down the road that you are ___ months pregnant. I feel like they would see that as you were hiding it and take it as a bad thing. Besides if they don't hire you because you are pregnant they may not be a very family friendly place and you may have issues taking time off (if you ever need to) regarding your kids, like if the baby is sick or something like that.

jshrop

So, yep, worried that I F-ed up lol

wtfisup

You can call to reiterate your points.

mslovesbo

jshrop said:

So, yep, worried that I F-ed up lol

I wouldn't fret too much. I feel like you handled this entire situation really well! You seem like you were composed, matter-of-fact, and prepared for the transition. I feel like at this point if they were to not offer you the job--even though you were very professional with your plan --then you are saving yourself heartache in the future. If at this point, if they felt like you were their top candidate, most qualified, and then found another "excuse" not to hire you (bc of this) then they are probably not a place that would have allowed you to take a month of and still have a job.
Don't beat yourself up over it. I still this you handled it well. Keep us posted!!

jshrop

Thanks for the support Mommas. My husband is telling me not to worry too, he would say the same things when he'd hire people, to make it seem like he wasn't desperate to hire that person. Just my nature. And @BrightEyes112, he seemed a little bit "douche-y," but I expect that from an upper management type lol! He was telling us about his trophy wife in the interview (strange right?), but he's one of the owners.

nunzchucks

I'm half bummed, half not bummed. On one hand it sounds like it would be a great job for you and you rocked the interviews. On the other, I'm not sure I'd want to work for a guy like that owner.

jshrop

I may, or may not, be cheering myself up with some chocolate chip/oatmeal/coconut cookies. If I weren't pregnant, this would be a perfect time for a nice cold Makers and diet. Mmmmm, bourbon.

Shineoncrazy

mslovesbo said:

jshrop said:

So, yep, worried that I F-ed up lol

I wouldn't fret too much. I feel like you handled this entire situation really well! You seem like you were composed, matter-of-fact, and prepared for the transition. I feel like at this point if they were to not offer you the job--even though you were very professional with your plan --then you are saving yourself heartache in the future. If at this point, if they felt like you were their top candidate, most qualified, and then found another "excuse" not to hire you (bc of this) then they are probably not a place that would have allowed you to take a month of and still have a job.
Don't beat yourself up over it. I still this you handled it well. Keep us posted!!

This. I also think that sometimes when you talk about birth with men they get all awkward and uncomfortable (especially if they don't have kids yet). I think as long as you didn't say the words uterus or placenta you're probably fine.

jshrop

Shineoncrazy said:

mslovesbo said:

jshrop said:

So, yep, worried that I F-ed up lol

I wouldn't fret too much. I feel like you handled this entire situation really well! You seem like you were composed, matter-of-fact, and prepared for the transition. I feel like at this point if they were to not offer you the job--even though you were very professional with your plan --then you are saving yourself heartache in the future. If at this point, if they felt like you were their top candidate, most qualified, and then found another "excuse" not to hire you (bc of this) then they are probably not a place that would have allowed you to take a month of and still have a job.
Don't beat yourself up over it. I still this you handled it well. Keep us posted!!

This. I also think that sometimes when you talk about birth with men they get all awkward and uncomfortable (especially if they don't have kids yet). I think as long as you didn't say the words uterus or placenta you're probably fine.

HAHA!!! Thank you for the giggles

TrueMyth

Eh. Sorry the guy was fazed somewhat. I guess the best you can do now is follow up as you normally would and make the female your primary contact.

jshrop

@BrightEyes112 not sure if this will help you or not, but saw this on second tri board
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12225100/maternity-leave-discrimination#latest

whoberry

I think you made the right decision telling them.  As someone who does a decent amount of interviewing, I would be ticked if the person I interviewed didn't tell me that they would need to take a decent chunk of time off fairly soon after they started.  Especially because that person would not have accrued enough leave to take off 4 weeks, nor would they qualify for FMLA yet.  My office does not look favorably on taking unpaid leave, but in a situation like this they would be MUCH more willing to do it if you were up front about it from the beginning.  If you got hired and told them about the pregnancy and leave needs afterwards they would probably not trust you and wonder what else you were hiding from them.

However, I totally understand why you were nervous about bringing it up.

I bet that after the interview the female interviewer told the male one that he should be more careful about what he says!  

Hope you get the job!

jshrop

Thanks ladies!! Still holding the faith!

ElTrain5

I would hope the fear of a discrimination law suit would make them think twice about holding that against you.

cMichelle0423

I think you should have waited until you got a for sure yes on the job before saying anything...

jshrop

BrightEyes112 said:

Thanks. My situation is quite different because my contract is up at the end of this month, so they have no obligation to keep me around. I know they can't legally not offer me the contract that follows this one due to pregnancy, but knowng I'm pregnant could easily sway their decision. They have to give me no reason. So, I don't really have protection, except trying to hide it from them (which hasn't worked so great).

Yikes!! I hope they do the right thing!! Good luck @BrightEyes112

jshrop

cMichelle0423 said:

I think you should have waited until you got a for sure yes on the job before saying anything...

Eh, well, you know what they say about hindsight. At this point I have to hope for the best and just keep telling myself I did the right thing bc I was honest about it.

Luna C

This is such a tough call. On the one hand, I would be very reluctant to hire someone I knew was pregnant -- and that far along. It's not even a matter of "does she really want the job." There's no way to predict if you or your baby will have complications that require you take more time off before and/or after the birth, for example. And if they're hiring for the job, chances are they are already have someone doing double-duty handling their own job and the position you're applying for -- and then they may need to make more arrangements to cover for someone new (i.e. likely still on a learning curve) who has no accrued time off. 

It's a rare company that would want to leave such a potentially wide gap in coverage for a position. Esp. for a new, untested employee. 

On the other hand, I totally understand your frustration -- my boss has made it very clear that if I have to go out on leave early (my due date is only three weeks after the date I qualify for FMLA) that they have no intention of holding my job for me -- despite an excellent review the week before I announced my pregnancy. 

I don't think you hurt yourself by being honest though. If they have a problem with it, better to find out now, rather than after you have the job and you discover they won't hold it for you anyway. 

And, since you handled it so professionally there's always a chance they keep you in mind for an opening down the road if you don't get this one. 

Luna C

I would hope the fear of a discrimination law suit would make them think twice about holding that against you.

*** 

Unfortunately, proving discrimination in a case like this is all but impossible -- and companies know it. All they have to say is some BS like, "We thought candidate B was a better fit because she presented herself better in the interview and asked better questions." And i there is any difference at all in their qualifications (software, education, training, etc.) that's a built-in excuse too. "Candidate B had 5 years experience with that software and candidate A only had 4 years. It had nothing to do with her being pregnant!"

ElTrain5

Right, but sometimes just the fear of it is enough. Not everyone knows enough about the law to let logic stand in their way

Good point about fmla too.

kittenslove

I wouldn't beat yourself up about anything. Just so you know - my husband interviewed at my company for a job this year, they had no other candidates, he was a perfect fit. They told me they were hiring him. They told him they had to interview the other candidates before making a decision. It was a political thing.

I would make sure to follow up with a thank you note to both the male and female interviews. I would not mention the pregnancy, and really focus on how great of a fit you think this position is for you.

wtfisup

Luna C said:

This is such a tough call. On the one hand, I would be very reluctant to hire someone I knew was pregnant -- and that far along. It's not even a matter of "does she really want the job." There's no way to predict if you or your baby will have complications that require you take more time off before and/or after the birth, for example. And if they're hiring for the job, chances are they are already have someone doing double-duty handling their own job and the position you're applying for -- and then they may need to make more arrangements to cover for someone new (i.e. likely still on a learning curve) who has no accrued time off. 

It's a rare company that would want to leave such a potentially wide gap in coverage for a position. Esp. for a new, untested employee. 

On the other hand, I totally understand your frustration -- my boss has made it very clear that if I have to go out on leave early (my due date is only three weeks after the date I qualify for FMLA) that they have no intention of holding my job for me -- despite an excellent review the week before I announced my pregnancy. 

I don't think you hurt yourself by being honest though. If they have a problem with it, better to find out now, rather than after you have the job and you discover they won't hold it for you anyway. 

And, since you handled it so professionally there's always a chance they keep you in mind for an opening down the road if you don't get this one. 

Umm, what?! Your boss needs an HR call.

BabyCurtiss2014

jshrop said:

Okay ladies, I need some advice. I had an interview for a job yesterday. I wore a cardigan with lots of hanging layers to hide the bump. I know that the interviewer is calling my references now (they told me.) here's my predicament. If I get the second interview, should I be more open about the bump? (Ie not hide it behind a ton of fabric) my girlfriend feels I'm being deceitful to a potential employer by not telling them, I on the other hand, am concerned I won't get the job. I have no intention of filing for unemployment or whatever when the baby comes. I just want to know that if I take a month off when the baby's born I'll still have a job. Any advice? Do I hide it for the second interview, or put it out there? I'm 18w3d btw. It's difficult to hide now and will be impossible soon.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I had the first interview, it went great. Hid the bump, no mention of babies, kids, or whatever. Just the job. Had the second interview today. It went awesome. I was less "hiding" the bump, just wore a blazer and scarf. Wasn't on display, but wasn't hidden either. So, near the end of the interview (that was FANTASTIC) they start talking benefits, time off, expectations, ect. At this time I have my damn conscience rear it's stupid head. I say "I have no need for health insurance ect at this time, however I should let you know that I'm 4.5 months pregnant. I do have a nanny already lined up with a backup child care provider for returning to work. I estimate I'll need approximately 1 month off in June but I'm willing to work from home if needed. I'm looking for a position that will still be open when I return." The female interviewer was great, saying that's wonderful and kept on with her deal, like I was getting the job. The male interviewer said, "well, let's everyone take a few days and make sure this is what you want and what we want, and we will be in contact by mid-week." I feel pretty deflated, which is a shame because it'd be a perfect fit for me. Any advice at this point, or just wait and see? It's been a long time since I've had to interview for a job and I'm worried I royally screwed myself.

I think you did the right thing. If you get the job, great, and you won't have to worry about telling them. If not, it's probably for the best as they may not be family friendly. It also depends on the type of job and what the work load/demand is like and if you would be the key person. Also employers sometime worry, especially if its your first kid, that you may decide to stay at home and not come back to work. Good luck! Everything will work out the way it's supposed to the most important thing is that you were true to yourself and did what you felt was the right thing to do, and that is exactly what you should have done!

Luna C

...

On the other hand, I totally understand your frustration -- my boss has made it very clear that if I have to go out on leave early (my due date is only three weeks after the date I qualify for FMLA) that they have no intention of holding my job for me -- despite an excellent review the week before I announced my pregnancy. 

Umm, what?! Your boss needs an HR call.

***

It'll be fine in the long run. I was debating whether I would stay on or not once I got my BFP. (I'm fortunate enough to be able to jump back into freelancing easily.) It was 50-50 before I announced. Once I saw their reaction, they made my choice easy for me. Who wants to work for an asshole like that? (And she's a mom herself. You'd think she'd understand.)

It does make me wonder though how many women end up leaving their jobs once they give birth not because they planned to, but because they felt forced out/unwanted. They treat you like you're on the way out, hence you start thinking "Why bother coming back?"