Baby showers and registries for expecting adoptive moms...

jessicaawolff

I was curious to know how many of you expecting adoptive moms were handling registries and baby showers for yourselves. I get many questions from people as to whether or not I am going to register and if I plan on having a baby shower. We've only been waiting since the end of November and there is currently no match. I tell people that it honestly depends upon how fast the baby is expected once we are matched. I might have a shower and register if we were given notice of a match a few months before the baby was born. If the baby would come very quickly then I suppose I wouldn't do either. I really wouldn't want anything after the baby arrives. We don't really need a whole lot and we'd probably buy all of the essentials ourselves. I'm sure our family and close friends would be more than generous as well. As a precaution (in the event the adoption would go sour) we wouldn't tell anyone the gender and are planning to get everything gender neutral until after we would get the baby.  

People (non of whom have ever adopted) get very opinionated with me on this topic (and I get a whole host of varying opinions) so I was curious to know what other expecting adoptive moms were planning on doing, what they hope to do, or what their opinions are.  I really welcome your input!

Dr.Loretta

Already an adoptive mom, so I'll throw in my 2c on how we handled it.

I started a wishlist on Amazon, and made it public when we went active. We had slowly started gathering things, but were by no means fully stocked for a baby by the time she came. She was already born when we were matched, and came home maybe 24 hours after we got The Call.

We had some things already (crib, stroller, PnP, car seat, a few clothes and some diapers), but there were plenty of other fun things for people to get us. We ended up having a shower thrown for us when DD was 7 weeks old. In those 7 weeks there was plenty of time for other people to get us stuff that weren't necessarily needed immediately but would be good to have for the infant stage (swings, activity mat, books, toys, clothes, bath supplies etc). Everyone wants to buy cute outfits, knit that baby blanket, or something else.

So there you have it!

hey_its_jenn

Right now, we are trying to buy one big item a month for the baby and picking up a few other things when I see them on sale.  Then we are hoping to have a "Sip and See" after we have for the LO for like 5-6 weeks. I have been adding items to a Private Amazon wishlist that I will probably make public once TPR is signed. 

bumpuser794640

We decided we wanted a shower after we were on wait list but before a match. My mom & a friend planned it and hosted it. We had already purchased our furniture, and we just finished buying all of our essentials this weekend. It's really personal preference and comfort level of the PAPs, imo.

jessicaawolff

Thanks for the input! I love the idea of having a wish list on amazon and keeping it private until I'm ready to make it public. I've started one and it will help me keep track of exactly everything I want to get - especially if we have to pick some items in a pinch! We, too, have been picking up things here and there - especially if we see something on sale!

kva11isho

I had started a registry when we started TTC - really just a list of ideas of things that I liked.  I didn't tell anyone about the registry.  After we were matched and new that the Emom was expecting a girl I did an actual registry at two separate stores.  My friends and both of our families wanted to throw us a shower, and I accepted (although I thought about what I wanted, a lot).  There were some concerns about "what if she...," but most of the items I registered for were gender neutral.  Plus, I wanted to be able to enjoy some of the same experiences that I would have had if I were pregnant.  In the end you have to make the choice that you are comfortable with, and try not to worry about others' opinions.  Good luck!

sgb721

We created a baby registry about 6 months after we signed with our Agency. It was a great bonding experiance for hubby and I, it let us experiance some of the joy when registring for a biological pregnancy. The lady at the registry desk was nice enough but you could tell she was a little confused on what to do when she asked our EDD. So we just made on up and I change it anytime it gets within a month.

That said- we were handed down a crib, rocker, changer/dresser. We bought the carseat, a snap and go stroller, bottles, and some diapers and clothes ourselves. We're hoping to have a Sip and See after we bring our child home.

jelly718

We started a registry with Babylist (https://babyli.st/index) a couple of months after we matched. It is a wonderful new way to create a list of all the things you want, but not through one specific store.  Once you sign up (free), you can click on items you like - anywhere on the web - and add them to your registry.  This way you're not limited to one or two stores.  It works with ANY online store.  Ours is still private and we'll make it public a little close to the due date (BM is due the beginning of May).  One of my girlfriends is planning a shower for me a few weeks after we bring DD home. 

That being said, we have gotten a bunch of hand-me-downs and I've purchased some things on sale that we'll need before picking up DD and while we are staying out of state until the paperwork comes through. 

jessicaawolff

Thanks everyone for the input! I can certainly relate with wanting to have some of the same experiences that pregnant women have.

JourneytoJoy07

Great advice for someone starting this process! Thanks

BabyFox25

We are also planning on doing a Sip N See when the baby is 6 or 7 weeks old. There are plenty of items we'll still need at that time that people can buy if they wish. We don't want to handle returning item or giving them back if the match falls through. So far everyone has been very understanding.

orangecupcake

We started a registry once we went active, really just to see what's out there and what we might need/want. I did not want a shower after matching, so we waited until we brought DD home. She was about three weeks old at the shower. My friends loved having her there, as they all got to cuddle her.

spotco2

We started actually making registries (Amazon, Wal-Mart, Babies-R-Us, etc) after we were matched and did not go live with them until the paperwork was signed and we had our son.

We did not get to bring him home until he was almost 3 weeks and we waited another 3 weeks to start actually doing showers. We decided this route so that we could modify the registries to have what we actually wanted/needed. We also split up the showers in our own, odd little way. One was for things that we needed.wanted NOW and another was for things we wanted for the future (larger clothes, older baby toys, etc). Gifts are still trickling in each week from both.

We were blessed to have many friends and family that wanted to give us things and we were overloaded with many duplicates and triplets of the same items. One trick we figured out was to download the Wal-Mart and Toys-R-Us apps and sorted out all of the things that we had duplicates of that we couldn't use. Scan the tags with both apps and figure out where things came from and did mass returns for gift cards.

Another trick we learned was that Toys-R-Us gives you reward dollars back on things that are purchased on your registry. So as we shop there, we use our phones to add the items we are buying on that trip to the registry and buy them that way so we get the reward dollars on items that we are purchasing.

emca

We have a registry, which was done about 5 months after our home study was completed. We have just been matched, but will not tell everyone about our registry. We will wait until after we bring the baby home and then we will do a meet the baby party.