For those that have done IVF

Jen071407

I'm about 5dpiui, and if AF shows I will start BCP for 3ish weeks for our first IVF. This close to starting IVF, did ya'll just want to NOT do it? I'm having so many second thoughts. I know I need to sit down with MH tonight and talk this out, but I just wonder if maybe another baby isn't meant to be? And my parenting has been absolute sh*t lately, which I feel like I can partly blame on all this SIF to begin with, but it's totally not fair to my girls. I'm just so tired of TTC being the focus of every minute of every day, and stopping sounds so....peaceful? Relieving? 

Jeffreysmom24

I haven't done it but wanted to send you hugs! I can see how it would be nerve wracking and I do know what you mean about TTC being the focus every day. We were on a break in December and it did feel good not to think about it as much. Anyway good luck!! I hope that you and your husband can have a good talk tonight.

freakyfast

Darling, I question it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I am not joking.  I go back and forth with it all day, every day.  It is a hard and trying thing to go through, and do not get me started on all the what ifs? I wish I had something more calming to tell you but it is the truth.

Jen071407

@freakyfast I figured I wasn't way out in left field feeling this way I don't know if it's just all the hormones from this cycle catching up to me or what, but I am just a mess today. Mostly just angry at the whole gd situation. Does it also make sense that I think part of me doesn't want to go through with IVF because then I'll never be faced with an absolute and final "you're body is not capable of carrying another child" because I'll be able to "assume" IVF would have worked? Dang just typing that sounds nutty  8-}

freakyfast

Well if you think about it, the whole thing is nutty, but we are lucky to have this chance I suppose to try.  I guess nothing in this life is guaranteed.  All the what ifs? are the hardest.  What if I do try? What if I don't? Those are just scratching the surface of the questions.  The hormones are crazy and quite frankly we all are a little crazy!  :x

tuscanbride2007

I have no experience with IVF or IUIs but I understand how you feel about SIF being such a focus. I struggle all the time about whether we should keep going or just say this is it. I had a thought this weekend as the three of us went out to lunch and then shopping. How easy it was with just us and maybe I just need to accept that.

TLooney17

I think everyone has conflicting emotions! We have not been through IVF at this point, but I do know all the conflicting emotions that go with SIF. I questioned all the money & time spent and what if it's just not meant to be. At the end of the day though I realized that if we get to the point where IVF is the only option, I think I would regret not doing it. To me giving my son a sibling is very important and I need to try every option available. That's how I feel right now, but I have no idea if things might change.
It's hard and I think the hardest part is feeling like you are forced to make such big decisions and you can't just let things "happen."

+SouthernMomma+

I haven't done IVF, or IUI... However, I am constantly second guessing myself thinking about all the negative factors. Things like,  DD is almost 7, we could enjoy our freedom now that she is getting so independent. The age gap will be too much, what DD wants to do wont interest DS/DD and family vacations will suck...Then there's the religious side of me, "In Gods timing"  And on and on! Some of the best advice I got here, on the bump, when it came to my fears, doubts, second guessing of ttc again was this... "You know you're ready when your desire to have a baby, is greater than any fear of what you will face to get it" I found that to be so true! I want a baby, that's the end goal. No matter the route I have to take to get this baby of our dreams, I will put on my boots and take that route day by day. In other situations, giving up is so easy... When it comes to giving up on fighting infertility, It seems the same as weather or not to pull the plug on your loved one. Take your time and like you said, talk to your husband. ...................Lots of hugs!

chrissynena

I have done IVF, it is an emotional roller coaster, as is everything with IF. I know some people are not big fans, but acupuncture really helped keep me calm through the whole process.

pettycrocker

Ugh! Big hugs, girl. This is SO hard. IVF #1 I was totally 100% sure, and we all know how that went down... and you all know what happened with IVF #2 I was feeling pretty much exactly how you are feeling. I set it up, got all the meds, but the entire time I kept flip flopping, and because in the back of my mind I was never 100% on board for #2, the closer it got to starting, the more anxious I got, until I finally just had a nervous breakdown about it. 

Take time. Seriously take ALL THE TIME YOU NEED, then take a little more time. You want to be so at peace with jumping into this because, this shit can really tear you apart. There is just so many stupid little factors you have to stress about- if you're not 1000% committed to it, the entire process can really make you lose your shit. If you think you need a little bit more time, please do not hesitate to call the Dr and tell them you need another cycle to think things through- just keep in the front of your mind, we are dealing with IF, so a lot of times our desire to have another baby can push us into committing to these things when we're not really mentally ready. 

Remember you have tons of love and support here, so if you just need to make 96 threads per day to vent some of what you are feeling, then do it! We got this!! 

:bz

Momarazzi007

I told my husband last round of FET I didn't think I could do it again, I just get so crazy towards end of lupron and start of estrogen. It ended in bfn and that was beginning if December. Now we are looking to start again in March. IVF is a cruel biotch. Mrs Castillo gave good advice above.

Jen071407

Thanks ladies I talked to MH about it and he's pretty set about not wanting to regret NOT doing it later, which I do agree with. The "ifs" are a- holes, but we'll get through no matter what. Who knows, maybe there's a bfp in my future from this current iui cycle?! THAT would be amazing.