Well that didn't take long

jokimoto

So my DD was born Dec 15th, her father was there for the birth, spent the night with my sister and I in the hospital and has come over 9 days since her birth.  Well he was supposed to come the thursday and friday after News Years, but texted to say he was "getting a fever" and would just come over this weekend.  Well he came saturday and then said he would just start coming out on saturdays, instead of the saturday and sunday.  On the one hand it's fine with me.  There's always tension in the house when he's here, especially from my mom.  What upsets me is I feel he's already showing a lack of interest in his daughter.  I want him to love her, to love her as much as I do.  This was exactly what I was afraid of, that he would not see this through.  Do I talk to him about it or do I just leave it alone?  I know his GF was getting upset about the amount of time he was spending here, which I guess he sees nothing wrong with, her making him chose between his daughter and her.  I don't want to make him choose either, it's just if he has decided that he's not in it for the long haul, then I would prefer to know that sooner rather than later.  I don't want my daughter forming an attachment to him, if in a couple months he quits coming altogether.  Although that may just be the risk we all take here.  As of right now his visitation is 5 hours a week, which was to increase after 6 weeks, but I sort of feel what would be the point now. 

20thirteen

Wait, his girlfriend is upset that he was over there spending time with his daughter and not her?  Wow, she sounds like a winner.  What a fucking bitch.  If my BF had a kid from his previous relationship, I wouldn't make him choose between us.  Him and his ex have a dog together and the way he loves that dog, I don't even get inbetween that! 

Sorry that this is happening to you.  I don't know if he'll ever understand the phrase "blood is thicker than water", especially if he's currently choosing "water" over his own blood.

Gamera3000

It really makes me sad that most men don't seem to have the automatic parental instincts that most women do. My brother in law is pretty sure he has a son from a fling when he was a teenager, yet he's never had any interest in finding out more. As far as I know he hasn't even told his parents or wife about him. It seems unnatural to me. My brother in law is nice too, so it sucks to know this about him.

MinnesotaMomma91

God his girlfriend seems like a real peach. I wouldnt make him choose itll just make him resent you.

And i know itll suck if she forms an attarchment to him and he splits but it doesnt pay to borrow worries from tommorow when you can enjoy today.

jesuisfatiguee

While it doesn't sound very promising, and the GF sounds like a piece of work, give it time. The newborn stage is very different for mothers and fathers, especially if you're breastfeeding and even more so when you don't live together. Honestly, aside from snuggling and BFing, which admittedly took up most of my time, it was kind of hard for me to figure out what to "do" with the baby when he was awake. Now that he's older he's more interactive and easier to play with. He might be a touch scarce in these early months which is really lame of him, but that doesn't mean he'll stop coming altogether necessarily. Definitely communicate your concerns, but try not to assume anything just yet. Fingers crossed for you and your DD!

On a side note, I really don't understand a woman who would get upset that a man is spending too much time with his child. I dated a guy who had step-children from a previous marriage who called him "daddy" and him not pursuing a continued relationship with the kids was a big factor in what ended our relationship. You don't bail on your children like that just because you're not romantically involved with their mother anymore. That's just a real dick move >:| 

rmajbusiness

If he is swayed so easily by something like a girlfriend (who.sounds like a true headache) I would go ahead and just start to prepare for the foolishness to begin. like pp said, you don't bail on your kids. If it's the tension in the house he's trying to avoid, suggest a mutual place? Either way, document EVERYTHING

EmeraldCity84

I am just now starting to deal with this, baby is due in 14 days and I asked BD what his thoughts were on initial visitation and he blew off the question.  I then sent him a suggested plan for when he could come over, and he replied with "Ill see if I can make this work."  (The plan was 2 hours every Wednesday night, and 4 hours every Saturday or Sunday, whichever he wanted. So, 6 hours a week total to see his DAUGHTER, and he isn't sure if he can "make it work.") I'm not really worried about it, the less he is around, the less stress I have.  I am just worried that the baby will not bond with him. But, I am hoping his outlook changes when she's born, as I have heard even married men don't really "get it" until they see the baby.