Vent

nurrieum

  I'm not into bashing a person, I'm not into hating a person but if I don't get this out I'm going to flip. 

Dear BM:

"someday you will realize you spent your child's life down a bottle and you'll have to live with the fact that they knew you picked over them every time. I hope by then they have the grace to forgive you but you have to live with the guilt that you failed the one person in the world who loved you."

Okay and deep breath. I'm angry. I'm fucking angry. After partying every single night since Christmas- bringing SS to us at 10 o clock at night unannounced and demanding with take him because she has to "work" and then going to party (evidence via facebook). The ONE night she has him with her she bitches that she can't go to the bar and low and behold one of her friends brings her by a "present" which once again they discussed on facebook. I don't feel comfortable discussing any plans we have regarding our current custody arrangement or plans on a public forum right now. I'm just pissed. 

When she dropped him off early- he was crying, all he wanted was his mom. He came in and I put on a big happy face! "Hey baby!!". We talked with him a bit and then he went to bed, we got him calmed down really fast. Well, my DH and I were discussing things in the bedroom (where we assumed he couldn't hear) and he just randomly yells out "I love you Momma H". I realized then that even though he knows his mom is putting him off, he also knows we love him and that he has us no matter what. That quelled a lot of my anger- however upon seeing that she couldn't hold off her booze on the one night she had him- yeah that irritated again. The next morning SS and I and DH all talked. He's seen a bit of DH and I in a spat, he's seen his mom pissed at us (she was livid we didn't answer the phone so we could get SS right away so she could party. He'd been with her one night we assumed she'd keep him) and then I think he may have overheard our being pissed at her. So we sat him down and said "You know we love you right? " "Yes" "You know we love Mommy?" "Yes" "Okay, so then you know sometimes you get angry at someone but that doesn't mean you don't love them." "yeah." "So sometimes Mommies, Daddies, and everyone gets a little mad for a minute- but it doesn't stop the love." and we continued talking about it and we prayed for us and BM. We tell SS that we love BM and we pray for her because I don't want him to only see the negative. Dh and I pray for her on our own, we say we love her because SS is a part of her too and so we care about her by extension. Anyway-

I know I have to let this stuff go. I know that I can't control what she does. I know that. I usually just pray through it and remind myself that God has the grace to accept me when I'm being ugly (like right now for example) that I then need to have the grace to let this go. Usually, I'm pretty good at that. I've been really working on myself to have grace for the people that piss me off. To let go of bitterness because it only hurts me and SS. However, each time I see this stuff- it re-angers me. I think I should hide her fb posts, but for obvious reasons I don't. I think maybe I need to have DH do that I just need to take a beat for a while. I'm getting to wrapped up in it. 

Sorry guys. I know lots of people deal with far worse than me. This is just what I'm dealing with at the moment and I couldn't sit in it anymore. I feel better getting it out- I hope I can just leave it here. I put stuff here instead of facebook or my blog because I'm not trying to bait her or show all the people we know how shitty she is. I'm not trying to shame her (ohh I want too- but I won't.) I know I signed up for this struggle when I married Dh, I signed up to have to deal with this and because I signed on I can't bitch too much- sometimes though- you gotta vent. 
Thanks for being my place. I needed it today.

twister22

I'm sorry you're going through this . Your feelings are completely normal and rationale - BM is messing SS's emotions, and she's being a crap mom - you have a right to be angry. And it's okay to just vent sometimes. I'm glad you and DH have a POA. T&Ps your way .

nurrieum

twister22 said:

I'm sorry you're going through this . Your feelings are completely normal and rationale - BM is messing SS's emotions, and she's being a crap mom - you have a right to be angry. And it's okay to just vent sometimes. I'm glad you and DH have a POA. T&Ps your way .

Thanks. I really appreciate the encouragement. DH had BM bring us kail this am and she did. He's been happy today and DH bought me a box of fancy chocolate. It got better thank you though

nurrieum

wendilea said:

I don't understand parents who would rather act like kids themselves than spend time with their kids and enjoy being a parent.  I'm sorry she's such a lousy excuse for a mother and I'm glad things got better today.

"understanding some people is like trying to smell the color nine."

She is ruled by her alcohol use and we have some concerns about other substances but no proof. It turned out to be a great family day. I know too many people ruined by alcohol, if you can handle it great, we drink occasionally but seeing how it's put above a child leaves me angry and confused.

Ilumine

Huge hugs.  And your responses to SS are dead on and perfect.  Thank you for giving this little boy a solid foundation. 

nurrieum

Ilumine said:

Huge hugs.  And your responses to SS are dead on and perfect.  Thank you for giving this little boy a solid foundation. 

Thank you, I second guess myself in that a lot. Part of that is just my anxious nature. Thank you for the encouragement, this board has been a huge support. Thank you!

nurrieum

GotGingy said:

Ugh.  She sounds a LOT like our BM.  So sorry you're dealing with it.  I know it seems small compared to other BF struggles, but it's still tough.  You seem to be handling it with such grace and love, though.  Hugs.

I have plenty of ugly moments but thank you. I really appreciate the support it means a lot. I hope that while her behavior may not change that as SS grows he will forgive and let go himself, so I'm trying to model that. It does at times really really get to me though. So the support I've found here has been so h helpful.