Raising hand.... admitting to second shower

eveningstar2004

Hi my name is second time mom of same gender child..... and I am having a baby shower next weekend. My mom an  good friend are throwing it. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing (I live in the south) and had 3 showers the first time. I said okay to this one but asked  that it be much more low key. We just moved to a new house an many loved ones have been asking when the shower would be and if we would have it here or close by so they can come see it. All of my friends have had showers for second babies. Most have same gender children. One even had a shower for her 3rd boy. Our nursery is compete and anything we needed or wanted to replace I have already bought including cloth diapers...... Our community kind of has a "every baby should be celebrated" mentality. It is also considered very rude to decline a gift or offer to throw a shower. My grandma freaks when I try to offer to pay for dinner.

That all being said, this shower will have about 25 people, women and babies only. I am registered because my grandma asked repeatedly if I was because family members were asking what to get us. It was not an easy task to figure out what to register for when I have everything we need.

So my question is...... is anyone else willing to admit they had a second shower or are having one?

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eveningstar2004

Not trying to beat a dead horse..... I am rarely on here and was reading the other posts. Just wanted to see if anyone else is in the same boat. I was talking at dinner with husband about it and counted off 6 of the guests coming who have had a shower for second baby that I attended in the last 3 years.

eveningstar2004

Not really. Just figured a few second time mom's might admit to it if I did. It must just be my area / family. The shower is next weekend so of course "my mind is made up". Before reading on here I hadn't even thought about it being rude. Like I said I have been to so many over the years and have never thought twice about it and haven't heard anyone whispering about it being rude.

dufferoo

Ok, so what did you register for if you already had everything you wanted and needed?

eveningstar2004

New bottles, breast pads, milk bags and storage supplies. Some  new swaddle blankets because we used  our old so much they are wearing thin. Some cloth diapers and supplies. A jumperoo, we borrowed one last time. A winter cover for our carseat...... All stuff I will purchase after with the 10% competition coupon at target. But none of it is needed right away when LO comes home from hospital.

I am not expecting anything and if asked by guests what we need I have told them that an afternoon of girl time with everyone is all I would like since I am surrounded by boys Then let them know I am registered at target if they persist. I only made the registry because 85 year old grandma requested that I do so. When she asks you to do something you do it. It's not that she uses intimidation, lol. It's just that she is so loved and respected by everyone that we all d  as she wishes because  she has always done so much  for everyone else. I tried to refuse having her buy our first son's crib and her response was "I take pleasure in this, don't take that away fro  an old lady".

SingleMom31

Not going to for our second. Also, have never been to one. That said, I usually get something for my second time mom friends regardless, and give it to her when I see her.

eveningstar2004

My purpose in posting was to see if anyone else has a similar cultural experience. I know from others in my circle that this is common practice and had never heard otherwise until reading on here.

Nicolewinsbingo

Yes, I'm having a second shower because my church throws a small shower for every baby. It will just be church ladies.

database6

I live in the south and in my area second showers are common. I would personally decline one though. I am actually attending a second shower (same sex) this month.

laurakaz13

I'm in NC and have never heard of anyone having a shower for a second child either.  Sorry, OP! 

RoxyLynn

Southern here (Atlanta), and have only once heard of someone having a second shower.  Then again, she had 4 gift-giving events prior to her wedding, hosted a tree-trimming party where guests were asked to bring an ornament AND a canned good for the food pantry AND mittens for the homeless.  So it surprised no one that she demanded a shower for #2 (I don't know who threw it, we "lost touch" by then).

KatFCo

My church threw us a shower for DS. They've thrown wedding showers for women in their second marriages and baby showers for women having their second (or a few times, third) child. They're usually only for church members and no one ever feels put-upon or like the mother is being gift-grabby. Most gifts are small items, like clothes or hand-made blankets.

eveningstar2004

Comparing breast pads to maxi pads is a little much. I agree. Thanks for clearing that up. Would you tell a formula feeding mom not to register for a formula mixer or bottle warmer? The way I see it choosing to breast feed, all breastfeeding supplies are for my baby, breast pads included. A breast pump would be on my list too because I used my sister's last time but my insurance pays for one this time around. 

Also, I am registered at Target so we get 10% off for all items not purchased and another 5% with our red card. 15% is a good discount. I'm not embarrassed to have breastfeeding items on my registry. And feel that comparing breast pads to maxi pads is insulting to all breastfeeding mothers, even if you say your intentions when you  said ewww had more to do with it being an item for mom not baby when you add in the maxi pad comparison it's harder  to justify your rudeness.....

Cranang

From the south too...have only been invited to second showers by people who would be considered...well, something derogatory. They were people that we decided didn't know any better "bless their hearts." And if you're from the south, you know what that really means...

annathyst

I had a shower for my second but it was also my husbands first and the first grand baby in his entire family. Also different gender. We already decided for our 3rd we will have a "shower" of sorts, we will throw a party but won't tell anyone what it's for until they get there because we want to celebrate with people but don't want all the presents and stuff.

annathyst

That's more what I meant. It will just be family.

ETA my H and I families are HUGE about babies. They freak out. I would do this to avoid them throwing me a surprise shower because his mom is that way.

RibbitGrl930

annathyst said:

I had a shower for my second but it was also my husbands first and the first grand baby in his entire family. Also different gender. We already decided for our 3rd we will have a "shower" of sorts, we will throw a party but won't tell anyone what it's for until they get there because we want to celebrate with people but don't want all the presents and stuff.

But people will know you're pregnant. Unless you've always thrown "just because parties", your friends will most likely think this party thrown by a pregnant lady is a shower of sorts.

annathyst

So I'm mobile and it's not letting me reply but yes we throw bbqs all the time. We just like parties and enjoying the company of friends and family. And to us and our families all babies are special and love to celebrate them
If you met my H mom, I think you might understand. She was so crazy over our baby that she wanted to throw the shower and have pony rides for the kids (there were no kids but my 5 year old and sister who was 11) they have a lot of money and can't be controlled. She already talked about throwing a huge shower for baby number 3 (really #2 for her) and I told her I wasn't comfortable with that and she said I don't have to be comfortable I just have to be there. H already stood up to her too and she didn't care.

ArgyleBride

^Wow.  What fun for you.  I'm so sorry.

DogfishHead

I had never heard of second showers until I came on the bump. I am from NY, though. I am on a national mom's fb group and it seems that it is more common in specific locations.

mzjaybee7

I am having a second shower op! I'm from NY originally but live in Chicago and have had several friends who have had second showers regardless of age or gender difference. To each their own! Do what's accepted in your circle.

Ps I have a registry too ;;)

Nicolewinsbingo

RibbitGrl930 said:

annathyst said:

I had a shower for my second but it was also my husbands first and the first grand baby in his entire family. Also different gender. We already decided for our 3rd we will have a "shower" of sorts, we will throw a party but won't tell anyone what it's for until they get there because we want to celebrate with people but don't want all the presents and stuff.

But people will know you're pregnant. Unless you've always thrown "just because parties", your friends will most likely think this party thrown by a pregnant lady is a shower of sorts.

I disagree that I would assume this is a shower just because the hostess is pregnant. Even if they don't usually throw parties I'd assume it was just their first "for fun" party.

Liz4444

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Raquelito78

Wow! Such harsh responses ladies! Eveningstar2004...enjoy the shower and the celebration of your previous baby.

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meganbfrogs

Dont let all these womans negative comments get too you, I think it is so old fashion to think only first born gets a shower, with my infertility EVERY child deserves to be celebrated, now how you or your family chooses to celebrate is your familys business Congratulations

SingleMom31

meganbfrogs said:

Dont let all these womans negative comments get too you, I think it is so old fashion to think only first born gets a shower, with my infertility EVERY child deserves to be celebrated, now how you or your family chooses to celebrate is your familys business Congratulations

It's not that you shouldn't celebrate every baby... It's that you shouldn't celebrate every baby with a baby shower where people are expected to bring you all new stuff.  That's the part that's rude.  Have a dinner party where you toast to your pregnancy, or a last girls day out before the baby arrives outing, or have a meet-the-baby party to show off the new little one... but don't call it a baby shower and expect gifts.  Would you ever issue an invitation that says, "I'm pregnant again! And that accomplishment alone means that you should all change your plans for this one specific afternoon to come hang out and buy me more gifts"? -- I sincerely hope not, but that's what's happening with a second shower.

Edit: Fixed grammar.

Liz4444

meganbfrogs said:

Dont let all these womans negative comments get too you, I think it is so old fashion to think only first born gets a shower, with my infertility EVERY child deserves to be celebrated, now how you or your family chooses to celebrate is your familys business Congratulations

What the hell does infertility have to do with anything?

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BabyCarryingVessel

I'm from the midwest and attended a second baby shower once. I wouldn't say it's super common around here. I attended and brought a gift, but I was somewhat irritated that it lasted 2.5 hours, complete with ridiculous games and a diaper raffle. Personally, I would not accept a second shower for myself, but I don't mind attending second showers. Just don't make a big production of it like my friend did, please!

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SingleMom31

katnhiding said:

You can celebrate a baby that has not yet arrived. You are celebrating that the baby is coming. My boys both consider their showers to be a celebration for them. People created wonderful memory books for them and they love looking back at everything. 

et·i·quette

ˈetikit,-ˌket/

noun

noun: etiquette; plural noun: etiquettes

1.

the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

As someone else mention etiquette is different according to differing customs. Not for you? Fine, but it doesn't hurt you if someone else believes differently or their community customs say differently. If you're invited to a shower that you think is tacky based upon your beliefs... don't go. It's really not that complex. I know second showers aren't a popular thing on this board and in some areas. However, it's different in other places and communities.

I think that you're defining "group" too narrowly.  If you can say 100% certainty that everyone that you come in contact with will see your second or subsequent shower as being acceptable, than go for it.  But, you can't because society as a whole doesn't see it that way.

annathyst

You know what kind of shower I want? The kind where there's no one else in the house.... No kids banging on the bathroom door, no husband yelling "omg I dropped the poopy diaper on the floor!" No dog trying to get in and drink the water. Just me, my shampoo and.... Oh wait. Wrong kind of shower #-o

sschwege

Did not have a shower for my second.  They are not common at all in my circle.  I think I was invited to one once.  I say, "think" because I got an email invitation from a friend inviting everyone to the park to celebrate the upcoming birth of their baby boy (first was a girl).  I'm assuming this friend was throwing herself a shower, she made no mention of gifts but I think that's what she was up to.  I didn't go so I never found out.  Will say she did not, to my knowledge throw a baby celebration for her third which further makes me suspect it was a shower in sheep's clothing.  

Kayrock18

mzjaybee7 said:

I am having a second shower op! I'm from NY originally but live in Chicago and have had several friends who have had second showers regardless of age or gender difference. To each their own! Do what's accepted in your circle.

Ps I have a registry too ;;)

I agree! Do what you want. I've never heard of NOT celebrating each baby.

Kayrock18

katnhiding said:

You can celebrate a baby that has not yet arrived. You are celebrating that the baby is coming. My boys both consider their showers to be a celebration for them. People created wonderful memory books for them and they love looking back at everything. 

et·i·quette

ˈetikit,-ˌket/

noun

noun: etiquette; plural noun: etiquettes

1.

the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

As someone else mention etiquette is different according to differing customs. Not for you? Fine, but it doesn't hurt you if someone else believes differently or their community customs say differently. If you're invited to a shower that you think is tacky based upon your beliefs... don't go. It's really not that complex. I know second showers aren't a popular thing on this board and in some areas. However, it's different in other places and communities.

I wish I could love this a million times. Thank u..

RibbitGrl930

*sigh* There are ways to celebrate the upcoming birth that doesn't involve asking people to buy you stuff. Have a dinner party. Game night. Go hang out at a park and have a picnic. Gees.

leigh2410

leigh2410