Struggling ... and upset that I'm struggling?

xtina78

So I'm 5.5 weeks pregnant and feel like I should be really happy but I'm not. I've seen other posts on here similar to mine so it's comforting I'm not alone in this, but I kind of just wanted to write out how I'm feeling. I feel ... depressed I guess. I'm having trouble motivating to do anything, I do feel better when I'm working but then when I come home I turn into a blob.

But here's the thing that's bothering me the most right now and I feel so dumb about the fact that it's bothering me: my IVF bloat/swelling is really bad. I look 6 months pregnant and growing. It is very hard to hide this pseudobump and I'm so early along that I don't feel comfortable telling people. I mean we haven't even had an US yet! I didn't know I was so vain! My clothes do not fit and I just bought some bigger clothes and the bella band things so I have clothes to wear but that doesn't change the fact that I look so much more pregnant that I am. Why can't I just be happy I'm pregnant and not care how strange I look.

Thanks for listening.

sunflowermama42212

I took pregnancy pics and I looked more pregnant in the beginning then I do now. I also lost weight because of the nausea but still the beginning was depressing. It will get better I promise you just gotta hang in there. First tri bloat really sucks. ::hugs::

bhead81

I can relate. I have not taken a bump picture yet as there really hasn't been a bump just the fat I gained from IF treatments. Eventually the bloat goes away which does help. Hang in there I think most of us who struggled with IF also struggle with feelings caused by it well into the pregnancy.

BBColt78

Ugh, I'm sorry. That damn IF brain will just keep haunting you.

All pregnancies are different, but maybe you feeling like a "blob" is really just first tri shit. With DD I felt like a million dollars all the time. This pregnancy I could not get off the couch from weeks 5 to 9. I'm not kidding. There was not motivation for a single thing. Add that into being a FTM and all bloated. . . I can totally see where you are coming from.

IF is a mind game that you've been on for a while I'm sure. I do think you will start to feel better sooner than you think. Just hang in there and vent it out. XOXO

Edited: Spelling isn't just for first-graders

katekat8721

It's ok girl, let it all out. We've been there and understand!

I can relate to the vanity. Prior to pregnancy I felt "whatever" about my appearance. But that awkward stage of "is she pregnant or did she eat too many donuts?"... HATED that. All these body issues I didn't know I had came into play until finally the bump popped. Never thought I'd be like that, but I didn't beat myself up and neither should you!

IF is hard, but honestly, pregnancy is pretty hard too! It's not going to be puppies and rainbows every day, and that's totally ok.

anations

You have been through a lot and the hormones make us crazy! I was big early too! Those shots gave me a belly before I even had the embryos! First tri was super hard and emotional. Guessing should be glad I knew my hormones were high. Just know a lot of it is hormones, you will get through it. It is normal. It is crazy!

Nancy1250

I feel you. I had ohss and looked pregnant even before knowing if I was pregnant. How messed up is that for a couple battling w IF?

It will go down I promise.

My advice would be to spend some time slone every day. Talk to your embryo/baby. Tell him or her how much you love him/her. Rub your belly constantly and tell yourself how lucky you are to be carrying your baby.

Good luck and we are all here for you.

xtina78

Thanks so much to everyone. Your kind words really helped me. I am definitely feeling better today. I also really appreciate all the advice!

herecomesthesun

Hi… I'm new here but I'm 7wks 2 days. I had OHSS right away and gained 10lbs of bloat. I couldn't even stand up straight and felt so bad physically. I know it's hard to get through all of this but it all went away and yours will too. You'll be enjoying your pregnancy in time. 

brittneyandadam

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm having similar feelings and the whole pregnant thing hasn't really hit me yet. 

I'm not feeling all that attractive either; I'm a big girl (5'6" 220lbs) and I'm looking at my body, thinking that I'm going to have the grossest pregnant body ever. No one will be able to see my baby bump, they'll just assume I gained more weight. I worked so hard to lose so much weight (85lbs) to be healthier and I gained 15 lbs from the meds...and now I have to gain MORE weight?? 

And yes, the IF brain is still in full swing over here too. I'm hatin' on every pregnant lady I see and still roll my eyes at the Facebook preggo announcements.

I think it's harder for those of us who have had a crappy time TTC to accept it since we've had such a tough go. I'm hoping that once the 2nd trimester hits, things will get better. By then we'll be in the clear and maybe we can enjoy the experience a little more. 

Feel better hun *hugs*

sarah_beth2005

I'm with you - it sucks!  I gained 15 pounds going through 3 IUIs last year, plus another 5 pounds doing IVF - after the embryo transfer I felt like a fat bloated whale.  I'm 16 weeks today, and I think the IVF bloat has finally (mostly!) gone away, so you can see my cute bump now, but I am definitely much bigger than I would have been if I had gotten pregnant weighing 20 pounds less!  When I complained about the IVF bloat, my RE said that after fertility treatments, it can take many months for your ovaries to shrink back down to normal size, and if you get pregnant, then you can count on them not shrinking completely back to normal size until after you give birth.  It truly does suck, but I've accepted my extra weight for now, since it's a temporary nuisance to get my babies!

Take advantage of the colder temps and wear lots of sweaters, large cardigans, blazers - really anything that helps to hide the weight from the side angles.  I started wearing a bellaband at 6wks, since I couldn't even button my fat pants anymore.  Now that I'm finally wearing maternity clothes every day (and everyone knows about the pregnancy), I am a million times more comfortable than I was between weeks 6-12, when I was actively trying to hide it and squeeze into uncomfortable clothes!

xtina78

thanks sarah_beth - I'm glad it has gotten better as your pregnancy progressed! The having to hide it is what sucks! I can't wait until I'm in the free and clear to show off the bump. I did have to buy some maternity clothes - it was either that or buy normal clothes in bigger sizes and that just didn't seem to make sense. That was kind of a rough one - spending a few hours under harsh fluorescent lights looking at my pseudobump that is covered with residue from Vivelle patches! However, I am so glad I got the maternity clothes - I am so much more comfortable and the large cardigans are doing a reasonable job of hiding things!