if you have a 4+ year age gap between kids pls come in.

SallyAnneS

Dh and i have been talking a lot since our last bfn cycle and while waiting to switch fertility clinics. We have decided we really like only having Ds right now and aren't really ready for another child. We are thinking of waiting a year then trying again. This will make Ds between 4-5 years old when we have another child.

I always thought i would have kids close together so i am finding it hard to picture kids so far apart. Can you tell me what it is like? I know this is such a random open ended questions. Any answers would be appreciated.

magentawarped

I can't say personally, but my friend just had a baby, and her first is 5. She said it's nice that the older one is in school during the day so she can bond (well, maybe she said nap, lol) with baby, and the older one likes to help. Plus, the older is more self-sufficient.

Arnegard

magentawarped said:

I can't say personally, but my friend just had a baby, and her first is 5. She said it's nice that the older one is in school during the day so she can bond (well, maybe she said nap, lol) with baby, and the older one likes to help. Plus, the older is more self-sufficient.

I agree with all of this.  Having a 4 yo and a newborn was the hardest because she wanted to help too much and wasn't in school yet.  Also, if you intent to help with college, a 4-5 year gap is good for the finances.

My oldest and youngest are 4.5 years apart and get a long the best of any two of mine.

Tassie06

My son will be almost 4 when I delivery this one and my sisters girls are also 4 years apart. From what she's told me it's nice having some help from the older child. Little things like helping with changing or feeding or entertaining the baby. She also said it can be difficult since they're not on the same schedule. The older one might have to be picked up or dropped off somewhere when the baby is still napping.

segerama

We are trying for a second and our first will be 5 in May.  I hope it is a good gap:)

notkateanymore

Well, mine are 9.5 years apart, so it's a completely different world here. It's neat bc DD was very involved in my pregnancy and is a lot of help, but she is dealing with learning to not be an only child anymore and share the attention. That's a whole new crappy world for her.

Allycat11

I only have one child right now but my older brother is 4 years 8 months older than me and my oldest younger sibling is 4 year 8 months younger than me so I have some experience with age gaps.  It is nice to have a somewhat self sufficient older child who is in school part time as you can focus more on the baby.  Also, with an older one already in school you can do all of the one-on-one things that many other parents can't do with a second child.  My older brother and I are not close but it has nothing to do with age gap.  I am close with my sister and brother who are 5 and 7 years younger than me.  Out of all of my siblings, my 22 year old sister and 13 year old brother are probably closest to eachother.  

If you aren't ready to have another just yet, there is no harm in waiting. 

meglew

DD1 had just turned 5 when DD2 was born.  I am really enjoying the gap thus far.  I will agree with other posters that DD1 is super helpful and self-sufficient, so it helps.  It is also nice to have one on one time with DD2 while DD1 is in school.  DD2 already looks up to DD1 and seems to do things faster because she wants to keep up with Big Sis.

A couple of things that I have found more difficult.  1) They are in such different stages in life, it can be a challenge parenting 2 completely different sets of issues simultaneously and 2) DD2 has really had to adapt to DD1's schedule, sleeping specifically.  With DD1 being in school full time, DD2 has had to take a backseat to scheduling needs.  If both kids were closer together, the baby would have more flexibility because they would both be at home.  DD2 is just more difficult in general, so this might be more specific to her.

kalette

My brother was 4.5 when I was born and my mom said it was perfect. He was old enough he didn't feel jealous and was very helpful and excited to be a big brother.

caybeh

I only have one kid and one on they way. They will be 2.5 years apart. However, I am the youngest in my family. There is a 6 year age gap between my brother and myself, and 4 year gap between my sister and myself. My brother and sister are 2 years apart and were quite mischievous. I don't ever remember really fighting with my sister like sisters fight. We all have a good relationship and I would consider my sister my best friend, besides my husband. I will say that after they both went to college and I was just left at home, I was rather lonely. Also, my sister outgrew playing with me faster than I would have liked. However, nowadays, the age gap really feels non existent.

SallyAnneS

Thank you everyone. It really helps to hear from others and hear that the siblings still bond and get along. My biggest concern really is that they will be in different stages all the time. Just for outtings and stuff like that, that they will want to do completely different things. I do love the idea of having that one on one bonding time while ds is at school. 

kmc217

I have 3 -- 5.5, 3.5 and 6 months. If I had it to do over, I'd probably space 5 years between all of them. IMO, the 5 year age gap is great... but that may be because my DD1 had already learned to share me with DD2. DD1 is exceptionally independant, views her brother as a gift to her and has not been jealous of him at all-- she can't get enough of him, is relentlessly helpful and has not shown any resentment about me being less able to do stuff with her because he is super high needs. DD2 has had a horrible time adjusting and she and DD1 also fight like crazy. 

rosemeggie

My brother and I are just over five years apart, which was a great gap for our family and I really liked it. 

vlagrl29

Yea!  I'm not the only one that wants this age gap.  We will start TTC when DD is 4 in hopes that she will be in Kindergarden when we have the newborn.  I'm not cut out to have 2 kids at home all the time.

mandymack

SallyAnneS said:

Thank you everyone. It really helps to hear from others and hear that the siblings still bond and get along. My biggest concern really is that they will be in different stages all the time. Just for outtings and stuff like that, that they will want to do completely different things. I do love the idea of having that one on one bonding time while ds is at school. 

Mine are 5 years apart (7.5yrs and 2.5yrs old currently) and we are beyond thrilled thus far with our spacing for all the above mentioned reasons.

Just to speak to your concern here, I can honestly say we haven't had a single issue.

When Nolan was a newborn thru about 18months (before he was really mobile and wanted to get down and explore all the time!) we planned activities for Emily around his naps all over town: birthday parties, zoo trips, road trips to Disneyland, mornings at the museums and bounce houses, a day at Six Flags, etc. We took her to the parks and to meet friends for play dates, to practice riding her bike, and out to dinner. It was a breeze as Nolan was content to sit in his stroller and play with his feet or toys (when he was older).

Emily being at school all day (2nd grade) plus after school activities, sports, and play dates, leaves me with the ENTIRE day to plan around Nolan. We are part of a mom's group, do Gymboree and Gymanstics, take mommy & me swim lessons, hit the gym most mornings, run errands, meet friends his age at our local parks, etc. It's so easy to cater to him with her busy with her own life.

On weekends, Emily is still really happy spending mornings at the park, zoos, and museums. If she was 12 I could see how maybe she might not enjoy it as much.

On school holidays and such, we've been going to bounce houses and other indoor play places because it's Winter. In warmer months, we live at the pool, splash pads, our beach, and the local parks. She's just as happy to do these things as he is.

The only thing that can drive her crazy at times is when she wants to do something in the afternoon and we have to stay home for Nolan's 2-3 hour afternoon naps. I try to plan all the fun stuff in the mornings and late evenings as much as possible so she's happy to just chill out at home with clay, a movie, making loom bracelets, playing in the backyard, etc. while he sleeps.

Best of luck to you, I really can't think of a single negative!

pandaglitter

I love it. I don't think I could handle two in diapers. It's so nice to have my six year old be completely potty trained for years and be able to buckle herself in, grab herself a snack, entertain herself for awhile. I can really focus on the baby when she needs it, and do things like reading and having movie dates with my older daughter. She loves her baby sister and is a huge help when I need an extra hand. It's helped her learn to be more giving and to think about others more (along with starting kindergarten). I've seen a lot of positive changes in her. She's never been jealous...it's her baby sister and she's very protective of her.

MesmrEwe

Here's my take...

1) If you know you're likely to have problems getting PG, better to start earlier than later.  We tried for a 3-4yr. gap and ended up with a 7yr gap (didn't know it would take THAT long to get PG because DD was a "method surprise").. 

2) I have an 8-11yr gap between myself and my older brothers.  While we're close, it's still a super large gap.  Growing up I was more like an only child while my brothers got to do cool stuff.

3) Having a 7yr gap, the biggest thing I noticed is just when we're at the PERFECT age for going and doing things (like Disney, museums, fairs, festivals, anything that involves waiting in a line for our turn, etc.) with DD, we're finding ourselves starting over.  Not that we couldn't take DS with us to such places, but it's simply NOT ideal at this age (things like PT, diapering, naps!!!, not running off, etc.)..  It's like coming out of the fog that is the toddler years excited to be able to do many things you couldn't do previously only to realize "Nope, still can't do that!"...  Granted, some kids, no problem, others, not so much...